clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Precap to the Jan. 31, 2013 episode of TNA 'Impact Wrestling', or I love the smell of TNA in the morning

New, comments

Previewing the Jan. 31, 2013 episode of TNA "Impact Wrestling"; featuring Kurt Angle taking on Mr. Anderson in a steel cage match, and the ongoing saga of Aces & 8s.

Aces & 8s! Hardy! Bully! Brooke! Hogan! Sting! Angle! Every! [Explicit]! Scene! The Entire! [Explicit]! Show!

The inevitable happened. We all knew it was going to happen. Like mold creeping across that area between your toilet and the wall, or that freckle that you really should get checked out but just don't have the time, an infestation is slowly taking control of the Impact Zone. Little by little, bit by bit, it has gained control over Impact Wrestling. There is no escape. There is no hope.

We can only pray that the severely induced nausea does not kill us when all is said and done.

Last week (Jan. 24), Aces & 8s took over virtually every segment of the show. I'm aware that the group has been dominating the majority of Impact screen time, but for whatever reason it became particularly appalling. There is little sanctuary for a fan who loves the show but hates the crap TNA spews out with this entire angle.

I've come to accept Jeff Hardy as TNA World Heavyweight Champion. I think he's good for the promotion as a whole and still can put on an entertaining match. But there's nothing to save him from falling into the black hole of Aces & 8s. There's not a single member I can see him working with and the promo work is going to be excruciatingly bad. I don't want to see this. I can't see this.

Please don't make me see this.

Everyone knew the Bully Ray/Brooke Hogan/Hulk Hogan storyline was going to end up coming back to Aces & 8s, I think. But it was so beautiful and so awesome, that I had hoped something would be different. Maybe, just maybe, the powers that be would recognize how much better the love triangle was than the garbage Aces & 8s is. Perhaps, just perhaps, we could have had one major storyline without the masked gang running in and ruining everything.

Alas, it was not meant to be.

"But C. J.," you might exclaim, "I know you are so sexy and smooth, and hardly ever wrong about anything ever! But, I cannot help but to wonder what about the Austin Aries and Bobby Roode pairing? Haven't they proven to be a great story without any Aces & 8s interference?"

Ah, young Cagesider, how short your memory must be. 'Twas only a few weeks ago when Aries and Roode were fighting Hardy -- and each other -- using Aces & 8s as mercenaries. There should be no doubt that the storyline will come back into play eventually.

We may take solace in the fact that these two men will be delivering perfection week in and week out, but we cannot hide from the fact that even their greatness will be tarnished.

One of the reasons I love TNA is that it is constantly putting multiple angles in motion. Unlike that other promotion who tends to only have two or three storylines despite their hours upon hours of airtime, TNA is working with very limited real estate. Yet it still manages to give a majority of its roster something to do each week. I can appreciate the effort and skill it takes to keep so many spinning plates up in the air.

Now, though, I have to watch some idiot in leather chaps and a biker mask run in and knock all those plates down.

Aces & 8s has stretched its tentacles into every crevice of the Impact Zone. The only thing which comes to my head, that has escaped the infection, is the Knockouts Division. Although, I wouldn't be too shocked to see something happen there. The card based gang is looking to take every TNA title, aren't they? Why not bring in a Knockouts Champion.

I swear to Zeus, if they do anything to my Jessie Godderz, I will march down to Orlando, find who is in charge and kick their ass.

Tonight's main event will be Kurt Angle vs. Mr. Anderson in a steel cage match. Which...ugh. Remember when Kurt Angle was great, when he was matching up to talent who could keep up, when he was selling out arenas as a headlining star?

Pepperidge Farm remembers.

We will also get to see Hulk Hogan decide whether to reinstate Bully to the Impact roster. Which makes absolutely no sense. Bully was suspended, but he was able to hold his wedding in the middle of the ring?

Come on, TNA. You're better than that.

All told, I'm probably not going to be excited for Impact Wrestling until Aces & 8s dies out completely. This needs to end as soon as possible, and even then, that won't really be quick enough for me.

Lockdown will be going down on March 10. Lets pencil that in as a potential ending point and pray to the pro wrestling gods.

Hopefully, this has prepared you for the night's festivities. Leave a comment below about what you are looking forward to, and please join the entire CSS Thursday night gang in the live blog TONIGHT!