We’re officially into the middle of season two of WOW and while the first few episodes were exciting – promising a dynamic title picture and a diverse tag team series – Saturday’s episode (Sept. 28) fell short of keeping said promise. The matches were uninspiring with obvious outcomes and messy story telling. Even worse, the title picture is seemingly set on “loop” where slightly different versions of the same thing happen each week.
Here we are again
Last week champion Tessa Blanchard had a show stopping match with Serpentine. This week it’s back to embarrassing McLane and avoiding her obvious competition re: Jungle GRRRL, The Beast and Havok.
Tessa called out The Beast, saying she doesn’t like the rumors she has been spreading – namely that she wouldn’t have beaten Jungle GRRRL without her help – and cue Jungle GRRRL because she agrees with The Beast. Jungle GRRRL challenged Tessa to a one-on-one match “right here, right now” and shockingly Tessa was game, but of course then Havok and Hazard interrupted. And then The Beast interrupted. Tessa, clearly over it all left and McLane booked a main event tag match between The Monsters of Madness and the unlikely duo of The Beast and Jungle GRRRL.
Honestly, I can’t say I blame Tessa for giving up and leaving McLane to book a pointless match. She clearly isn’t afraid to defend her belt in genuine competition, but why should she have to placate to three whiny behemoths? And even if she did face one of them in one-on-one battle (which she did in fact try to do), who is to say that the other two (three if you count Hazard) won’t get involved (which they did in fact do)? It’s enough to drive a champion crazy!
The champ deserves respect and McLane needs to figure out how to book his own damn show. It really is ridiculous that he books the main event in the opening segment each night. Sometimes that is appropriate and exciting, other times – like this time – it seems lazy and uninspired. If I was Tessa, I’d be looking somewhere else for a title match too.
The main event was short, unsurprising and resulted in a DQ. The Beast and Jungle GRRRL couldn’t get along and Hazard couldn’t keep her hands off the metal chairs.
Still no #1 contender. Still no competition for the champ. Still no resolution of this story line. Still no reason for Hazard to continuously mess up these matches.
A Christmas Monster and her lawyer walk into a ring…
Nikki Krumpus has hired herself a lawyer. And not just any lawyer, the very best that kroner can buy, Sophia Lopez (yes I did google Norwegian money thank you very much). Lopez secured a match for Krumpus with Princess Aussie in what McLane deemed a “battle of heritage” but what was really just a mediocre match trying to make Krumpus look strong.
Aussie had the speed, but Krumps had the strength and, despite her best efforts -and her best cheating – Aussie couldn’t get the job done. Krumpus hit Aussie with the “Happy Holidays” after taking her sticks away from her (how was that not a DQ???) and it was lights out for Aussie. Literally. After the match Holidead and Siren magicked in and stole Princess Aussie. Happy Holidays indeed.
Now to be fair to Nikki Krumps the match wasn’t bad, they had pretty good chemistry and the results did make her look stronger than the strongest pile of sticks Aussie could tie together, but WOW has a roster full of monsters and Krumpus is their least imposing and least interesting.
Leave the props at home
The Temptress had a match with the newly renamed Reyna Reyes and it was...fine. Sure, it was arguably Reyna Reyes best match on WOW, but honestly, the gimmick of “The Temptress and Dagger” is just so unbelievably stupid (and that’s saying something! Please refer back to NIKKI KRUMPUS) that I found myself wishing and wishing for this match to end. It’s just two pretty women flipping whips and daggers around like they are in a frickin’ cosplay contest. That’s it! An entire character shouldn’t be built around a prop! Especially when the prop wielders are awkward and charisma-less.
Anyways, this match was fine. Lots of reversals, one awkward botch expertly covered by good camera work and a cool new finish for Reyes. Reyes got the push she needed, the crowd absolutely loved her, but it was still a weird match. Hopefully we don’t see knife lady and her whip friend for a while.
Born in the darkness
Mezmoriah, the third and newest psycho sister, got her own video package this week and it was A LOT. Apparently, she was “born in the darkness” of the LA sewer system and the first thing she saw when she crawled out was LA gang warfare.
Yep. That is correct.
She loved violence, it drove her crazy and that’s how the Psycho Sisters found her. Crazy and violent in the middle of gang warfare.
Thank god for Razor. She is new to the wrestling biz, but she can ground the craziest promo and the moment she started talking I believed that they were going to win the tag team series. And frankly, they should. They are the only real cohesive team and Razor deserves accolades for her excellent performance.
The Disciplinarian and her manager, Samantha Smart, recruited Abilene Maverick to face Chantilly Chella and Sassy Massy in the tag team series. I guess the duo of Chantilly and Sassy makes sense... Truth be told when I think about Boston I don’t think about party girls, but she yelled “lets get lit!” before wrestling so maybe I just don’t understand Boston. (I’m guessing it’s not like that Ben Affleck movie huh?)
Massy started off strong, but soon was overpowered by Abilene and The Disciplinarian. She basically got her butt kicked all over the ring for the entire match which lead to a hilarious amount of the classic “arm-reaching-fruitlessly-for-the-tag” moments. Literally at one moment she was all the way across the ring the in opponents corner reaching out for a tag.
Eventually, Sassy was able to power through with the power of heart (or something) and Chantilly got the hot tag! Then there was a mess of chaos in the ring (really the refs were phoning it in this episode) and both Chantilly and Sassy pinned Abilene for the win. Is that legal? * shrug *
After the match The Disciplinarian was shown back stage throwing an epic temper tantrum while Samantha Smart idly stood by. Abilene called her out on her poor behavior (manners are very important in the governors mansion) and then I swear to god Samantha Smart said, “your frustrations have been sorely misplaced. I am the fulcrum of your success and this situation will be expedited.”
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
She said fulcrum on a wrestling show so I guess that proves that she is, in fact, “IQ Superior.”
The segment ended with screaming.
This episode was a rare miss from WOW. The theater magic is wearing off and reality is pushing back. WOW needs to find a balance between their ridiculous (mostly in a good way) characters and the “real world” that the characters are supposed to inhabit. The same roster that has Tessa Blanchard also has a character named Sassy Massy and the cohesion of the world is starting to crumble.