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Impact recap: Wrestle House 2 wedding swerve

Impact celebrated Thanksgiving with a special Wrestle House 2 episode. The original Wrestle House was put in order by Rosemary as she tried to seduce John E. Bravo for his virgin blood. That culminated in a marriage proposal. The return of Wrestle House once again saw Rosemary seeking Bravo’s blood, but this one ended with a wedding swerve.

The concept of Wrestle House is the reality show format with everybody being stuck together. There were a few matches made based on heated arguments. Let’s jump into the chaos.

The backstory was Johnny Swinger down on his luck after losing his illegal underground casino. Bravo wanted to see Swinger happy again, so he made a deal with Rosemary to return to the good times of Wrestle House in exchange for his virgin blood and soul. Nobody was allowed to leave until Swinger was happy and thankful. It turned out that Swinger actually hated Wrestle House. Things were not off to a good start.

Chris Sabin stole the show with several comical steamy shirtless slow-motion sexy music walk-throughs.

Kaleb Konley took exception to all the women swooning at Sabin’s six-pack, so a match was made. Since Tommy Dreamer was absent, “Match time,” was replaced with, “I love this match.” Sabin won the contest with a Cradle Shock.

The second match came about as way to promote the IPWF. That is Impact’s fake throwback wrestling promotion, which will coincidentally come back for a IPWF special on December 18. The crew brainstormed about ways to bring cheer Swinger’s way. They brought in the legendary Downtown Daddy Brown (played by Willie Mack), but that backfired since Brown and Swinger had heat. A match was made with Brown winning.

Madison Rayne was tired of being there, so she proposed to renegotiate Rosemary’s deal. Sides formed between who wanted to leave and who wanted to stay. Alisha Edwards requested Rosemary transport her husband Eddie into the mix to make it fair. Teams for the third match were Rayne, Alisha, Eddie, Hernandez, & Kaleb Konley versus Rosemary, Havok, Crazzy Steve, Black Taurus, & Sabin. Rayne’s team was given the opportunity to win their way to freedom, but Rosemary speared Alisha to win and keep everyone in the house.

The next scheme was to make Swinger fall in love with Swingerella #1. Rosemary brought in Lawrence D with his smelly cologne in an effort to make Swinger jealous. Swinger’s response to seeing Lawrence mack on Swingerella #1 was a loud burp.

The next tactic was Locker Room Talk. Rayne brought in WCW’s The Demon, who Swinger believed was Gene Simmons. The Demon used psychology to make Swinger reconsider the rock and roll lifestyle. Perhaps he needed one woman to settle down with. Swinger took it deep and exited to reflect.

Swinger returned to profess his love for Swingerella #1. Lawrence D was sweet on her too, so a match was made to fight for her honor. Swinger used his Fuji powder to blind Lawrence and hit a swinging neckbreaker for victory. Swinger proposed marriage to Swingerella #1. She said yes, and it was sealed with a kiss. Swinger was happy, but Rosemary had to make sure the wedding went through before releasing everyone from Wrestle House.

Hernandez was Swinger’s best man. Super Mex sensed something fishy afoot. Hernandaddy overheard Bravo’s deal to Rosemary. He wasn’t keen on Bravo sacrificing his soul, so a match was made against Black Taurus. When Hernandez was distracted by Decay, Taurus clipped his knee. The bull also tore Hernandez’s pants apart with his horns. That allowed for a roll-up win by Rosemary’s Minotaur. Afterward, Rosemary put a memory spell on Hernandez sending his mind back in time to forget what he saw. When Eddie overheard the plans for Bravo, Rosemary did the same to him. The result put Eddie into a drunken stupor.

Wedding time. It wouldn’t be an Impact Thanksgiving special without the infamous turkey suit. Since Hernandez’s pants were ripped, Bravo gave him the turkey outfit. Father James Mitchell transported in to officiate the ceremony. Swingerella #1 had a confession to make. Before she could spill the beans, drunken Eddie stumbled in to reveal Rosemary’s devious plan to kill Bravo.

The joke was on Rosemary though. Bravo revealed he was not a virgin anymore. He had been sleeping with Swingerella #1. Bravo used Rosemary as a means to an end to support his friend Swinger. The Swingman was okay with the affair, because Bravo just saved him from getting married. Bravo then proposed to Swingerella #1, who said yes.

The show concluded with a Thanksgiving feast. Swinger made a toast to express his happiness and gratitude.

This episode was tough to provide the proper essence in a recap. The absurdity was overwhelming. There were plenty of witty inside jokes and comical references to Impact history showing a lot of effort was put into producing this episode. However, it is clearly a niche product with a strong love or hate reaction from viewers. As for a recommendation to watch, I’d say give it a shot for a silly viewing experience. If you aren’t hooked within the first ten minutes, then you won’t miss anything by turning it off. Would I watch this again? No, but I would watch a highlight reel of the jokes.

My favorite parts were every scene with Johnny Swinger (that man is comedy gold), Black Taurus being portrayed as a connoisseur of classic literature, Eddie and Alisha getting it on in the confessional room, and steamy Chris Sabin. Sami Callihan felt the same about Sabin.

What was your reaction to Wrestle House 2?

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