Impact Wrestling recap & reactions (Nov. 26, 2019): Throwback to 1983 for silly times

Impact Wrestling (Nov. 26, 2019) rolled the dice to make a throwback episode dating to 1983 with IPWF (Impact Provincial Wrestling Federation). There was a Loser Leaves Town title match, a blindfold match, a $300,000 bodyslam challenge, a 4 vs 4 intergender showdown, and so much cheese.

This was a standalone episode. No worries if you haven’t been following Impact. You can jump right in without being affected. I’m still new to Impact, so I don’t know all the wrestlers who played each character. The best parts were the promos. I’ll toss most of those in.

Let’s blitz through the results.

Giuseppe Scovelli Jr. (Josh Matthews) and Sexton Hardcastle (Don Callis) welcomed us to the broadcast. Hardcastle looked to be passed out from boozing.

Rapid Delivery Pete (Rich Swann) defeated Rip Rayzor (Ace Austin). Pete brought pizza and wrestled in sandals. Rayzor was a punk rocker. This was a rapid match won by Pete after delivering a running 180 degree sideways rotation splash.

Interview with TV champ Julian Cumberbun (Ethan Page) and manager Sonny Sanders (Sami Callihan). Sanders had a tennis racket in honor of Callihan’s favorite manager. They talked about the Loser Leaves Town title match later. When Cumberbun wins, they will be getting cheeseburgers with extra pickles. This town would be nothing without the champ. No Money, no women, no pay window for all the boys in the back. Instead of booing, everyone should be thanking him.

Enter Downtown Daddy Brown (Willie Mack). Cumberbun can stick his riches where the sun don’t shine. Words got heated. Sanders ducked out, because he didn’t want violence. Sanders immediately sucker struck Brown from behind with the tennis racket. Brown fought back and stripped Cumberbun of his fancy clothes.

Hard Workers with an awesome vignette. Oats and Hall wrestle next.

Interview with Excessive Force. I think one guy was D’Lo Brown. They had an islander gimmick. Time is winding down for the Hard Workers. Here comes the pummel! Here comes the plunder!

Hard Workers defeated Excessive Force. Oats and Hall weighed enough to drive the women wild. Excessive Force controlled the action, but the Hard Workers were victorious via sunset flip pin. Excessive Force beat up the pretty boys after the match with a running splash on their top hats.

A surfer bro tag team debuts next week. Hanging ten and getting leis.

Johnny Swinger defeated Buck Gunderson. Swinger won the squash via modified atomic drop and a swinging neckbreaker.

Frank the Butcher (Rhino) is going to chop through the competition. He had a shout-out to his Southpaw partner Doug (Seth Rollins).

Interview with the Rough Riders (Tessa Blanchard, Jordynne Grace, Jessicka Havok, +1).

They had a Four Horseman party vibe but dressed in sleeveless t-shirts and jeans. They are going to come on you like no one’s ever come on you before. They are as dirty as it gets and as clean as they come, daddy. Can’t imagine anyone in their right mind would want to step in the ring with them. Nothing bigger than when the four of them get together. They are going to ride over you and it will be rough. The tunnel of love is open all night long, daddy.

Commercial to promote future shows.

Jazzy Fitbody (Madison Rayne) defeated Agnes Beerhart. Fitbody had fitness oriented offense by squating Beerhart and also using her as a stair to step. Fitbody won via flying splash off the middle turnbuckle. Sebastian Baker “The Hitmaker” (Jimmy Jacobs) came down ringside during the bout and entered the ring afterward. Incredible victory. He’s had his eye on Fitbody for six months, but nobody had played hard to get like she has. Will she sign the managerial contract? Yes, but she then kicked him in the balls and ripped it up.

The Rough Riders defeated lumberjack Tim Burr, gym coach Jim Nasium, construction worker Bill Ding, & race driver Ray Strack in 4-on-4 intergender action. Highlights were a bear hug by the big lady, a flying double axe handle by the lumberjack, and superkicks by Strack. Strack missed a flying attack, so Tessa Blanchard’s character beat him with a hammerlock DDT to win.

$300,000 body slam challenge with Kongo Kong. Mr. Atlantis answered the challenge. Kong pounded on Atlantis to prevent the slam. Out came Muscles McGhee (Cage). The challenge was over and money off the table, but McGhee was there for the people. Kong attacked. Cage pumped up and slammed the big man.

Tommy Dreamer cut a promo as himself. He will return to claim the title that is rightfully his. He was stripped by Jack Tunney for piledriving. He beat up Bruno in front of Vince McMahon and slapped Vinnie Jr.

Last week, DJ2Large (Moose) beat Captain Joystick (Joey Ryan) via spinning lariat. That transitioned into a Cockpit talking segment with Captain Joystick and Miss Milehigh (Kiera Hogan). His guest was DJ2Large.

Joystick pulled a Piper by asking question but not letting DJ speak. Joystick said a man is measured by how much class and nobody is classier than himself. He looked for confirmation from Miss Milehigh, but she was smitten with DJ. Rap music isn’t classy. Frank Sinatra would be embarrassed. DJ snatched the mic. He’s been making music all over the world. DJ spit rhymes about taking Joystick’s girl for a round trip. Joystick ejected DJ from the Cockpit. A fight broke out with Joystick smashing a tray on DJ’s head. This flight has landed.

One month ago, Gama Singh fireballed the eyes of Cowboy Colt McCoy. That left McCoy with bandages on both eyes. Cowboy is farm strong and can not be stopped.

Blindfold match: Cowboy Colt McCoy defeated Gama Singh. McCoy’s bandages were removed, but he was still squinting. Black sacks were placed over their heads. They groped around the ring trying to find one another. On a referee distraction, Gama pulled his mask up to land some punches. Most of the bout was them trying to find each other. Eventually, their backs met. Cowboy turned around quicker for a kick to the gut and a neckbreaker to win.

Post-match interview with Cowboy. Farm strong, baby. He does it for the people. Russian ambush! Two Soviet fellows beat down McCoy. They choked him with a chain. Promoter Giuseppe Scovelli Sr. broke it up, then the Soviets broke him. The announcers lost their minds about the Russian flag being placed over Cowboy’s body. Communist bastards!

Interview with Giuseppe Scovelli Sr. The Russians disrespected Canadian culture. Even though Scovelli has a bad hip, he is going to lace the boots up one more time next week with Cowboy Colt to beat those scuzzy, dirty commies. Also, hot dogs and popcorn are now half off.

Loser Leaves Town, International Commonwealth Television Championship: Downtown Daddy Brown defeated Julian Cumberbun to become new champ. Sonny Sanders ringside as heel manager. The bout lasted about ten minutes. Early on, Cumberbun put on a beanie to hide in the crowd. The first close call was for Brown via running elbow drop. 1, 2, Cumberbun got his foot on the rope. The next close call was when Cumberbun hit Brown with the tennis racket. 1, 2, kick out. Sanders hooked Brown’s arms, Cumberbun charged, Brown evaded, then Brown rolled up Cumberbun to become new champ. Cumberbun must now leave town as well. The locker room emptied to celebrate.

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Well, this throwback episode of Impact Wrestling was a tricky endeavor. I believe Impact went for a ‘so bad, it’s good’ approach. The terrible wigs and puns lead me in that direction. I wanted to like it, but the show sometimes fell flat. It was an interesting experiment and I’m glad I watched, however, it could have been so much better.

The wrestling action was too tame. The style was dulled down and most matches had a comedy feel. It wasn’t very engaging. They were plenty of good matches in 1983, so they could have pulled off quality stuff without suicide dives, moonsaults, and spinning drivers that are common today.

I loved Impact hitting all the silly trends of the past: bodyslam challenge, loser leaves town, evil Russians, and more. The interviews were solid. The Rough Riders had great swagger with their innuendo. My favorite aspect were the video packages. Hard Workers for the win!

Bottom line, I wouldn’t mind if IPWF became an Impact Thanksgiving tradition. It is different enough to catch attention. Maybe if Impact took a more serious approach with the same material, it would have been more riveting. I’m thinking more as being amusing naturally without trying to be overly slapstick.

Impact is releasing some snazzy IPWF t-shirt designs.

Did the throwback episode of Impact Wrestling fly or die? Would you like to see IPWF become a regular tradition? Which character was your favorite? What tweaks would you make, if any?

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