Impact Wrestling returned last night (Mar. 1) from the Impact Zone in Orlando, Florida. You can find all of the results at the live blog here.
The Knockouts segment this week started with Rosemary’s victory over Hania and ended with a post match return of Taya Valkyrie.
Let’s start with the match. It was certainly crisper than last time, but there were still issues. It was still super short, but the main issue was it was advertised as No DQ (it was even on the advert I used for the live blog header) but never treated as such. In fact, the referee broke Rosemary’s Upside Down hold on the ropes after a five count! That type of disconnect has always been a massive pet peeve of mine. Though in the referee’s defense, this came off more as they didn’t advertise the match properly than not properly officiating it. But either way, these are things that shouldn’t happen when advertising a show that was taped months ago.
Then there’s the fact that Hania was easily put down by Rosemary in no time. This may be where knowing that Hania had issues during her short time there comes into play. Because if I didn’t know that she’s already done with the promotion, I’d have major complaints about introducing a new character in a big way and then killing all her mystique dead immediately. And despite the reason, this was always a lackluster feud.
Rosemary’s tweet may have lent some credence to the “Wrote Hania off” idea:
After Rosemary easily dispatched her new foe, her old one returned. Taya slowly walked to the ring and after a short promo, they stood face to face. Rosemary wanted to fight immediately but Valkyrie backed off. The Demon Assassin took her leave but then Taya struck her from behind, and delivered Road to Valhalla on the entrance ramp.
This feud is back on, which is great because it was disappointing that we didn’t get their big Bound for Glory match.
Let’s Get Nuts
So Laurel Van Ness tried to marry a championship belt this week. And it was as whacky as you’d think.
KM officiated the ceremony, which wasn’t completely out of the blue. He debuted as Sienna’s cousin and Sienna and Laurel were good friends. When he started the ceremony, she made him jump right to the objections. And someone did object to this union.
It was Braxton Sutter in a neck brace!
I’ll have to back up for a moment to explain the neck brace. After BS lost to El Hijo de Fantasma in an earlier match (a pretty good one), he cut a heel promo about how Allie ruined his life and how no one respects him as the best wrestler there is. This drew out Brian Cage who dropped him on his head with the Drill Claw. OK, back to the wedding.
BS repeated what he said earlier, that Allie ruins lives and it was a huge mistake leaving Laurel at the alter a year ago. He got on one knee, and proposed that he, she, and that Knockouts title (of course) spend their lives together. She told him “No!” over and over and kicked him out of the ring.
KM interjected “Epic fail, bro!” which was just a superb addition to already a wonderfully outrageous segment.
The champ made KM ask for objections again, but got angry when no one objected. See, this was really all a ruse to mess with Allie, but Allie wouldn’t play along. At least not in the way she wanted. When Van Ness was insisting someone object to this wedding, Allie sneaked in from behind and attacked her.
This was that dumb fun that wrestling can be. The wedding last year was super ridiculous and this was a great call back to it. That was the genesis of Laurel Van Ness so there’s some poetry in running this segment towards the end of her time with the company. Using this segment to reinforce Sutter as a loser scumbag was a great touch too.
Sometimes, wrestling is serious. But sometimes it’s dumb fun. This was that.
This week, Sami Callihan went against Eddie Edwards and they had themselves a fine match. Eddie got a quick roll up victory in the end, but he paid dearly for it immediately.
Sami attacked him and eventually opened chair on Eddie’s chest, and hit that chair with a bat. It looked like Lashley was going to come out and help, but he was jumped by oVe, preventing him from doing so.
Throughout the night, Sonjay Dutt, who’s been really good on commentary, had been talking up Sami as a possible big future singles star. That’s great and I hope he gets there. However, he’s lost his last two singles matches, so even with him getting the post match attack, he’s got a ways to go.
But it’s still early. I’m hoping Lashley puts him over on his way out.
Joseph Park fought Kongo Kong this week. OK, fought may be a bit of a stretch. He was beat up. But despite taking the loss, and then being choked out by Kongo Kong after the match, he continued to resist Jimmy Jacobs’ request to unleash the monster Abyss.
As I mentioned last week, I enjoy this story. It’s certainly the more fantastical aspect of wrestling, where a character like Abyss has always lived. But there’s definitely a place like that in the genre. Jimmy Jacobs has been effective in the role of Kong’s handler and the driving force behind trying to bring out Abyss.
Jacobs and Kong have been consistently antagonistic towards Park and his family to the point where I’m looking forward to seeing Abyss unleashed. That’s going to be a major “Be careful what you wished for” moment and it’ll be rewarding when it happens.
EC3 matched up with Tyrus, stemming from their issues from last week. Tyrus ended up getting the win, which makes sense since Carter is leaving and Tyrus is not.
Carter has been extra goofy this taping, almost as if he’s got a little Impact Seniorititis and just having fun with it. This is by no means a complaint. EC3 has always been hilarious, so it’s entertaining to see him really play up that side. Like with the beginning of this match, when he spent a ton of time outside the ring because he couldn’t find any success against the bigger man. While out there, he took some dude’s phone and started scrolling through it, until the woman the fan was with took the phone back. Carter - always the entertainer.
I wonder what they have planned for Tyrus. In his lengthy time in the company, he’s always been a henchman, whether it be for EC3, Matt Hardy, or Eli Drake. Do they see more in him? He has a good wrestling personality, though his matches still aren’t me cup of tea. It doesn’t help that he’s taken a lot of losses in the company since he always played the guy the challenger had to beat before taking on Carter/Hardy/Drake.
Also on this episode:
- Matt Sydal was in a backstage segment with Ishimori, who asked him to put up his Grand Championship next week if he’s going to defend his X Division title. Sydal has been so good as obnoxious spiritual douchebag. (Douchebag was Ishimori’s word, not mine.)
- The Cult of Lee had a cheesy outdoor party, celebrating last week’s victory over LAX. The Mumbai Cats showed up, but it turned out this time, they were LAX, getting an attack in before they have to defend their titles next week. Trevor Lee and Caleb Konley continue to be highly entertaining as two doofuses who are devious enough to pick up wins when they need.
Pros of the Show:
- Good main event match
- Taya returns
- Ridiculous wedding (in a good way)
Cons of the Show:
- No DQ match wasn’t a no DQ match
Impact has been slowly improving and each week I find myself more interested. There’s still work to be done, but they’re definitely showing some improvement. Crossroads should be good next week.
Sound off below.