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AEW Dark recap (June 7, 2022): Platinum Max and the Ass Boys

Episode 147 of AEW Dark is in the books! If you missed the live broadcast click here for the Cageside Seats stream via YouTube. Your commentary team was (as usual) Excalibur and Taz. Join me below for another Dark night of All Elite action!

Lance Archer vs. Aaron Solo

Solo brought a record of 18-57 to the ring, but unlike most of Archer’s opponents, he wasn’t thrown down to the ring by the scruff of his neck. Archer brought a record of 57-12. Solo tried to jump him before the bell rang and got thrown on his face on the apron for his trouble. Once the bell rang he repeatedly charged Solo in the corner until he pulled the ref into the way and did an enzuigiri. It didn’t help as he ate a scoop slam and had only pissed Archer off more. Solo tried a flying crossbody and Archer kicked out at one. Archer caught him coming off the top ropes and the two started exchanging forearms, until Archer hit the ropes for a poooooounce (period). Lariat. Black hole slam. Solo escaped a Blackout but got a choke slam for his trouble, then set Solo on the ropes and picked him for an even bigger Blackout. As usual when Lance Archer wrestles, everybody dies.

Christopher Daniels vs. Steven Andrews

Christopher Daniels brought a record of 29-22 to the ring. Andrews was waiting for him with an AEW record of 0-1, and did a backflip before the match began to show off his athleticism. The crowd chanted “Fallen Angel” and “S-C-U” prompting Taz to note that it was well deserved for the long time decorated wrestling veteran, even though they were on his home turf. Daniels toyed with him a bit before knocking him off his feet and finishing him with the Best Moonsault Ever. Taz: “Making it look easy!” As it should be.

Marina Shafir vs. Skye Blue

Blue came out first sporting a singles record of 11-25. Excalibur tried to claim her birth name was actually Skye Orange. Shafir came out with her hoodie on and her 2022 record of 7-1. Blue dropkicked her off the apron before the bell could even ring and threw her into the barricade. Excalibur: “We’re not used to seeing this aggressiveness out of Skye Blue!” Taz: “Shafir didn’t expect this nor did we.” Unfortunately it fell apart after the opening bell when she went for a huricanrana on the outside, and Shafir countered it and swung her head into the wall repeatedly. Shafir fed her back into the ring and started to piece her apart, although Blue did manage to stack her up for a near fall as well as hit a rising knee to the jaw. Blue ate a reverse elbow and a cartwheel kick to the back. Blue tripped her to the ground and tried to bridge a pin, but Shafir got back up for a head butt from behind, a judo throw, and then applied an arm bar with the head trapped for the submission. Taz: “Hell of a contest by both athletes.”

Ortiz vs. Serpentico

Following his loss on Elevation last night, Serpentico came to the ring with a record of 12-81. One of the fans at ringside seemed to be asleep despite the loud music. I hope the arrival of Ortiz woke him up, sporting a singles record of 42-25 as Taz reminded us he’s facing a hair vs. hair match soon against Chris Jericho. He also pointed out it was unusual to see these men in singles action, though I’m always grateful when Luther is nowhere to be found. Serpentico tried to ball up his fist and ate a big chop to the chest. Power slam and back senton had Serpentico reeling. Ortiz silenced the crowd for another chop and it seemed to fire Serpentico up. He knocked Ortiz down a few times until he was caught by an enzuigiri. Serpentico hit a DDT and Ortiz kicked out. Ortiz hit a Tiger Driver to finish Serpentico off.

Toni Storm vs. Zeda Zhang

Storm made her way to the ring with a record of 6-1. Zhang was waiting for her with a record of 0-3 so far in AEW. Given it was her fourth appearance to date they obviously have some trust in Zhang at this point. Zhang got to work some submission moves and make Storm sell so the crowd could chant Storm’s name and fire her up. Goal achieved, Storm hit a release German suplex and the hip attack in the corner. Swinging DDT, Storm Zero, and as Mark Henry would say “you can count to a million.”

A video package for Anthony Bowens and a Tony Schiavone interview with Ortiz followed. Ortiz: “You want me to talk Schiavone? I’m tired of talking but I’ll talk for you. Road Rager, it’s done Christopher. My only focus is taking the hair off your head. Bruises heal, cuts heal, but if I take your hair it ain’t growing back. Everybody’s seen that bald spot of yours and at Road Rager I’m gonna finish the job. I’m taking it! I’m taking it! I’m taking it!”

Max Caster & The Gunn Club vs. Alex Reynolds, John Silver & Preston Vance

Dark Order came out first for the main event and got a nice reaction, but it couldn’t compare to the one Caster got when his sirens hit. “Yo! Listen! Listen! Yo. Yo. Acclaimed and the Gunns we’re the popular guys, and the Dark Order keep dropping like flies. Y’all are so annoying you should do less. Everybody knows that’s the reason why Stu left. And y’all are not worthy. Dark Order won’t go away like they’re herpes. And you all use Android. Y’all getting dissed by Acclaimed and the Ass Boys.” Since Bowens was in a wheelchair both Gunns tried to do the Bowens spot but mistakenly thought they were in Canada. Bowens: “Why is this so hard? Ontario! The Acclaimed have arrived. When I say Ass, you say Boys.”

The Ass Boys botched a couple of spots on purpose so that Vance could tag in and clean house. He got the crowd to chant 10 and put spine on the pine, then gave Billy Gunn a DX “suck it” crotch chop. Reynolds got elevated over the top rope to wipe out his sons. Every member of the Order took turns hitting moves until Colten made the save. Caster stopped Silver from completing the Pendulum Bomb by grabbing a leg and pulling him out to the floor. Colten hit Reynolds with a crutch to the throat and the interference gave Austin the pin.

What to watch/skip

“Yo. Listen. Listen. Yo.” This edition of what to watch/skip is brought to you by Platinum Max and the Ass Boys. I’m going to present two different options to you this time. Option number one — if you hate matches where the result is predictable before the contest even begins, you can skip this entire episode. Option number two — if you enjoy a good squash match and like seeing wrestlers on the undercard pick up wins, you can watch this entire episode. There’s really no middle ground for this episode of Dark. It’s one or the other. Personally I’m going with the latter.

Cageside commentary crew! Share your feedback in the comments section below. If you love pro wrestling you can find me on Twitter too. See you Monday for Elevation!