AEW Dark recap (June 21, 2022): Platinum Max is now a registered mark

Episode 149 of AEW Dark is in the books! If you missed the live broadcast click here for the Cageside Seats stream via YouTube. Your commentary team was (as usual) Excalibur and Taz. Join me below for another Dark night of All Elite action.

Max Caster (w/ Anthony Bowens) vs. Trever Aeon

Caster brought a record of 58-30 accompanied by Anthony Bowens in a wheelchair. Max Caster: “Yo! Yo! Platinum, bout to fight a virgin in here. I know you gettin’ no play with that perm in your hair. Now how’d you walk in this pavilion, when you lookin like a whack ass Katt Williams? I got this guy backin’ up. Yo I think we should call you Count Blackula. So enjoy your name. It’s +Universal+, everybody loves The Acclaimed.” Bowens: “Universal Studios! The Acclaimed have arrived.” Aeon was waiting in the ring with a record of 0-1.

Aeon hit a back elbow and a body press and only got a one count. Caster rocked him with an uppercut, a clothesline and a high back bodydrop. Aeon escaped a fireman’s carry but ate a mic drop moments later for the pin. A short squash match that for better or worse was more about Platinum Max rapping than wrestling. Personally I’m okay with that.

Serpentico vs. Vary Morales

Serpentico brought a pathetic record of 12-82 to the ring. I’d like to see somebody make a list of the 12 people Serpentico was booked to beat. His opponent Vary Morales might be one of those 12 given that his current AEW record is 0-6. Taz talked about how much he’s loved in Puerto Rico given that he had his first match there. “Horrible stadium. Horrible experience. But they loved it!” Serpentico whipped Morales pillar to post, scooped him up for a slam, then went for a double foot stomp and missed. That was the start of Morales’ comeback. A thrust kick was the end of the comeback, followed by a neutralizer for the pin. Taz: “Well Serpentico’s on a roll now buddy!” Yeah. That extends his win streak to one.

Kris Statlander vs. Ava Everett

Statlander brought a singles record of 47-18 to Universal Studios for this contest. Everett was waiting for her in the ring to make her promotional debut. Everett looked like someone’s first ever attempt to create a wrestler in a video game. Mismatch pink and blue boots, trunks and top. Hair dyed half yellow and half black. Skinny and no muscular definition. Statlander finished her off in short order. Taz: “Watch the impact here! The power, the drive. Sitting out while she has the head. Spinning the opponent. Great job.”

Dark Order (Alex Reynolds & John Silver) vs. The Wingmen (Cezar Bononi & Peter Avalon)

Avalon and Bononi came out first with a team record of 2-3. Silver’s record was 51-30 and Reynolds was 45-37. Evil Uno and Preston “10” Vance watched on from the entrance ramp as the match got underway with Avalon and Reynolds. Avalon showed off his hair, so Reynolds knocked him down with a dropkick and did the same before tagging in Silver. Avalon ran over and hugged Bononi around the waist for a tag. He came in and threw Silver into the corner but Silver hit a sliding dropkick and a boot to the head. He went for a suplex but Bononi blocked it, hit a knee to the body, and hit a suplex of his own before tagging Avalon back in. Avalon knocked Reynolds off the ring apron for good measure.

The heels took their time cutting off the ring and giving Silver a two-on-one beatdown, preventing Reynolds from making the save and gloating when they did it. Avalon finally made a mistake and missed a moonsault so that Silver had enough time for a hot tag. Neckbreaker got a near fall for Reynolds. Avalon got the boots up in the corner but ate a pop up knee in response. Bononi entered illegally and took Reynolds down so Avalon could hit a near fall. Silver gave him a suplex in response. Avalon threw him out but Reynolds and Avalon exchanged cradles until Reynolds got the pin. This sent out JD Drake and Ryan Nemeth for a 4-on-1 beatdown. Vance and Uno cleared the ring to make the save!

The Varsity Blonds (Brian Pillman Jr. and Griff Garrison) & Brock Anderson vs. Larry Lazard, Terry Yaki & Jay Lucas

Anderson came out first with his father Arn and a record of 13-11. The Blonds brought a tag team record of 28-15. Lazard, Yaki and Lucas were waiting for them working for the first time as a trio. That doesn’t mean it was their first ever appearance in AEW though, as Taz was once again obsessed with the name Terry Yaki. “That can’t be his real name. I bet his real name is Terrance.” He also plugged the final Dynamite before Forbidden Door tomorrow night, something which he’d also been doing throughout this broadcast. Anderson overcame a 3-on-1 beatdown to tag in Garrison, who hit a series of splashes followed by a high back bodydrop and a neckbreaker for a near fall. Pillman ran in illegally to counteract the job squad doing the same. Garrison hit a pendulum face buster for the win, with a little assist in the form of a superkick from Pillman beforehand. This was an elongated squash.

Diamante vs. Devlyn Macabre

Diamante came to Universal Studios with a record of 40-24. Macabre was waiting for her in the ring with an AEW record of 0-1. For those who have never seen Macabre before, she’s what you’d look like if it +wasn’t+ your first time creating a wrestler in a video game. Matching green and silver boots, trunks and top with matching colors, bright red hair. Bryce Remsburg chastised Diamante for not breaking cleanly when he told her to. Taz: “He’s drunk with power damn it!” The wrestlers exchanged power strikes. Macabre hit a head kick for a near fall, followed up up with chops and strikes in the corner, but Diamante got a boot up on a charge and hit a series of rolling Germans. Diamante locked in the crossface for a quick submission. I wish they had both been given three more minutes. This was fun.

Tony Nese vs. JDX

Nese was accompanied by “Smart” Mark Sterling and sported a singles record to date of 17-2. Dasha Fuentes announced this match would be contested under Ring of Honor’s “pure” rule set, meaning no closed fists and a limited number of rope breaks. JDX came into this contest with a record of 0-3 in the promotion. Nese used his first rope break right away and bitched to Posey that JDX pushed him into the ropes. He leapt over the top rope and snapped JDX head off it in response. Nese put the boots (and the leg drops) to him and got a two count. JDX fired up with a chop and some kicks for a two count of his own. Nese hit a kick to the jaw and a sit out piledriver for the pin. No more rope breaks were needed.

Sterling: “Guys I’m not sure if you knew that but that was Tony Nese’s first pure rules match ever. He’s an absolute natural. He’s also undefeated as a singles wrestler under my clientele. We’ve decided to lay out a little challenge next week on Dark. Wheeler Yuta, the Ring of Honor Pure Rules champion. I have one question — do you have the guts to put your title on the line against the Premiere Athlete, Tony Nese?”

Martinez and Deeb had a interview segment backstage where they both gave each other respect... to a degree. Martinez: “We can tag, I’ve got your back and you’ve got mine, but don’t ever cross this O.G. bad ass.”

Mercedes Martinez & Serena Deeb vs. Yaide & Anna Diaz

Deeb came out first with a singles record of 23-6. The ROH Women’s Champion Martinez brought a singles record of 10-3. Yaide and Diaz were waiting for them in the ring to make their AEW debut. Excalibur: “I’m going to go out on a limb here — I don’t like their chances.” Deeb had fun for a while until Martinez politely asked to be tagged in. Deeb smirked but obliged her. Martinez set up a Brass City Sleeper and Deeb did a Texas Cloverleaf at the same time, both getting simultaneous tapouts. Excalibur: “I’ve never seen somebody get a win and look so unhappy about it.” Taz: “You’ve never seen my matches then.”

Tony Schiavone was backstage with Wheeler Yuta for an interview. Yuta: “I know that you wouldn’t accept a match of this magnitude before Blood & Guts, but I also know nobody can defeat me in pure rules. Nese I’m gonna beat you and then I’m going to put all of my focus on the Jericho Appreciation Society.”

Jay Lethal (w/ Satnam Singh & Sonjay Dutt) vs. Blake Christian

“All Heart” Blake Christian brought a singles record of 1-0 to the main event. Lethal’s AEW record was 13-4. Lethal tried to rip Christian’s left arm out of the socket, but owing to his nickname Christian kept fighting back. Lethal hit a dropkick to the back of the head and didn’t even go for a pin. He stood on Christian using the ropes for leverage, then hit a takeover and tried to choke Christian out. Christian fought to his feet with elbows to the gut and got suplexed right on his head for his trouble. Someone tell Christian not to take bumps like that or his career won’t last very long. Lethal hit him with an uppercut but missed on the second attempt and wound up in a backslide and a roll up for two near falls. Lethal hit him with a haymaker but couldn’t follow up right away, and Christian got an elbow up when he charged. Enzuigiri by Christian. Standing sliced bread. Dutt started panicking on the apron. Lethal hit his own enzuigiri but the Lethal Injection was blocked. Christian hit a standing Spanish Fly for 2.5. Christian went to climb the ropes but Lethal got out of the way of the foot stomps. Kip up and kick to the face and Lethal rolled to the outside.Christian knocked Dutt off the apron with a flip kick and did a dive and a reverse DDT to Lethal on the outside. Lethal got the knees up on a 450 though. Lethal hit the Lethal Combination and went to the top rope himself. Macho Man elbow drop, 1-2-3. A very solid match to end the show!

What to watch/skip

I’ve been in a KiD CuDi mood lately so tonight’s report is brought to you by “Day ‘N’ Nite.” Coincidentally that also explains how I feel about Elevation yesterday and Dark today. It may have been the live audience as opposed to the studio audience, it may have been the quality of the in-ring action, but this week Elevation was absolutely the better show. I would almost tell you to skip this entire episode, but the Martinez and Deeb “can you top that” storyline is fun. In fact the story of this show is that every women’s match should have gotten more time and every men’s match save the first and the last was forgettable.

Cageside commentary crew! Share your feedback in the comments section below. If you love pro wrestling you can find me on Twitter too. See you Monday for Elevation!