AEW Dark recap (Apr. 12, 2022): This rap was approved by Tony Khan

Episode 138 of AEW Dark is in the books! If you missed the live broadcast click here for the Cageside Seats stream from YouTube. Your commentary team this week was Excalibur and Taz. One more thing before I get started tonight: RIP Gilbert Gottfried, and thank you for all the years of laughs. You will be greatly missed.

Powerhouse Hobbs vs. Axton Ray

Hobbs was 43-19 heading to the ring in Orlando for tonight’s match. The 0-1 Ray was waiting for him. Excalibur told us that this was a “warm up” before Keith Lee & Shane Strickland vs. Powerhouse Hobbs & Ricky Starks on Dynamite this week. That’s how they tell you Axton Ray is a jobber without actually saying that he’s a jobber. Hobbs took him down so easily that he stopped to admire his handiwork before picking up Ray to apply the torture rack. Total domination bell to bell.

This was followed by a video from Eddie Kingston, flanked by Santana and Ortiz, promising to beat up the Jericho Appreciation Society. “Our game goes forever! Our game leaves you scarred where you don’t even know who you are. When you go to hell, even the devil laughs at you, because he knows you shouldn’t have messed with us. We’re going to end your careers. This is not a joke any more. We’re not entertainers, or actors, we are what we are! And you know what we are? Three hungry New York dogs who are gonna eat you alive. Bitch! I’m gonna get you! We’re gonna punch you out!” That’s Wednesday on Dynamite and I don’t have to tell you that you won’t want to miss it.

Max Caster vs. Mike Reed

“Platinum Max, the best wrestler alive. When they name next to mine, they get next or go hide. Only one dumb enough to stay is Mike Reed. I can knock him over with a slight breeze. You look so dusty I think I might sneeze. To find out your name I had to Ask Jeeves. You’re the upgrade? Wait, I gotta hold up. You look like you still use a dial up modem! Left side left side what up. Right side right side what you say. And to the whole damn place make some noise out the front of your face, now scream!” That’s the rap of the 51-26 Max Caster y’all.

Mike Reed brought a record of 0-1 to the ring. Taz: “I’m a fan of Max’s rap style, Old School Jones, and if he invites me to a concert I’m probably not going to go but I hear he puts on a good show.” Reed gave Caster a flatliner and stole his chain but Paul Turner took it away before he could use it. This gave Caster the chance to hit a low blow kick while the ref wasn’t looking, which he followed up with a brain buster and the Mic Drop for the pin. The Orlando fans didn’t care that he cheated one bit. He got props from ringside afterward.

This was followed by yet another promo for Dynamite tomorrow — this one focused on Minoru Suzuki putting up his ROH Television Title against Samoa Joe. I don’t mind them using Dark like this to promote a big Wednesday show. They should do it more often.

Diamante vs. Mylo

Diamante brought her arm cannons and her 39-21 record to the ring. Virginia Beach’s own Mylo was waiting in the ring to make her debut. Mylo tried a headbutt, a snapmare and a crucifix for a near fall. She hit a dropkick and tapped a finger to her head like she had it all figured out, and that’s when it all fell apart. Mylo ate a German suplex and Diamante gave her a couple of lariats before applying the straight jacket submission — making Mylo scream loudly in pain as the referee tried to make Diamante break it up.

Guess what was next? Another video package for Dynamite. reDRagon and the tag champs Jurassic Express both put over their credentials ahead of this week’s title bout. I’m not saying this lightly when I say that these videos make it feel like they’re promoting a PPV. This is the kind of build you would do for Double or Nothing. I approve! This was followed by a vignette from Rohit Raju where he declared “God created all men equal and then they made the sequel.” I like the swagger.

Teddy Goodz vs. Jora Johl

Jora Johl brought a record of 1-3 to the ring following his loss on Elevation last night. Fortunately for him he was facing another man who lost last night in the 0-2 Teddy Goodz. Johl hit a double underhook into a back breaker and left Goodz reeling, then stomped on him for good measure. He went for the delayed vertical suplex but Goodz escaped to hit him with a right and a chop. Johl hit a power slam and a boot to the face in return. Goodz tried a thrust kick and a head kick but Johl hit a flying big boot and put Goodz away.

The build for upcoming shows continued afterward with an Adam Cole vs. Adam Page video, with Page promising to defend the AEW World Title in a Texas Deathmatch this Friday on Rampage. All Elite Wrestling is going hard with their television matches this month! Rampage even starts early this week, 7 ET/6 CT, so be sure to set your DVR.

Emi Sakura vs. Charlette Renegade

Sakura brought a record of 27-20 to the ring, where the 0-2 Charlette Renegade was waiting flanked by her twin sister Robyn. Would there be a case of twin magic this week?

Our foes locked up after the opening bell, Sakura overpowered her into the ropes, and she stepped back and threw a shot. Renegade pushed her across the ring and gave her one right back. Sakura grabbed Renegade’s ponytail and whipped her across the ring with it. The “we will rock you” crossbody followed. Twin magic failed when they bonked heads, Sakura hit an eye poke and a backbreaker, then did the magistral cradle for three.

Captain Shawn Dean vs. Rohit Raju

Dean came to the ring with a 2022 record of 4-1. Raju’s record on the other hand was 0-1.

Raju and Dean played this up like they had scouted each other’s move set, and early on Dean seemed to get the better of it. Raju responded by sweeping Dean on the apron and following up with a back suplex on said same. Taz: “The best part of this match is that referee Bryce Remsburg is not in it.” Raju hit a fisherman suplex for a near fall and gave the crowd a thumbs up. He wrenched Dean’s left arm but the Captain fought his way free and threw a pair of right arm lariats. Raju rolled out after a suplex and Dean did a suicide dive to knock him down. AEW appreciated the aerials so much they gave us a replay. Dean hit a diving body press next but Raju kicked out at 2.9. Taz: “You can’t call it a splash? It’s been a splash for six hundred years. Your changing names now.” Excalibur: “What are you Taz, the internet?” Leaping flatliner for Raju and that too was 2.9. The crowd in Orlando chanted “that was three” in response. Dean gave Raju a DDT into the canvas and got the win. Honestly I would have been happy no matter who picked up the victory in the main event, but given the promo time Raju got earlier in the show, AEW clearly has plans for him.

What to watch/skip

Tonight’s “what to watch/skip” for AEW Dark is brought to you by Double XX Posse. Max Caster’s raps used to be XXX, but Tony Khan is keeping an eye on him now! This Dark episode was a 50/50 split between matches and promos for AEW’s TV shows, so if you decide to watch Dark after Dynamite and Rampage you could skip the promos. I’d encourage you to watch this episode before then because it will get you hyped for all the title matches and big feuds going down. The best match on Dark was Dean vs. Raju but the whole show was fun. There should be a theorem that states that any time Dark or Elevation is under one hour it’s an easy show to watch. 99.9% of the time the theorem holds true.

Cageside commentary crew! I welcome your feedback in the comments section below. I’m also on Twitter if you want to hit me up there. See you next Monday night for Elevation!