Inspired by the Christmas song, You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch, from the 1966 Dr. Seuss animated special How the Grinch Stole Christmas!, here’s my holiday gift to the wrestling community: How Roman Reigns Stole Christmas (and pretty much all of 2023).
You’re a mean one, Tribal Chief
You really are a heel,
You take too much time off, and all of your wins you did steal, Tribal Chief
Your work at the Rumble left fans stewing in their feels
You’re a monster, Tribal Chief
Your heart’s an empty hole,
In Montreal at the Chamber, you took Sami Zayn’s soul, Tribal Chief
You’re a vile one, Tribal Chief
There’s no end to your guile
You left Cody Rhodes heartbroken in a sad, crumpled pile, Tribal Chief
In a rematch between the two of you
Cody will lose by a country mile
You’re a foul one, Tribal Chief,
You’re the one they love to boo
They YEET for Jey and chant for Punk, Seth Rollins, and Orton, too, Tribal Chief
But the three words I have for you are as follows, and I quote, “I. Acknowledge. You.”
A part-timer, Tribal Chief
Your workload is very light
This year you worked eleven nights with just nine title fights, Tribal Chief
Your record is an appalling sight, it generates heat, but you’re a wise businessman who shows up to earn those big, fat Saudi paychecks
As you dole out another loss
Your Bloodline’s kind of rocky and your wise man’s a sneaky boss, Tribal Chief
But you’re the Head of the Table and a Samoan tank
That they best not cross!
From the Island of Relevancy, Merry Christmas, Cagesiders.
Ro, Ro, Ro!