The best and worst gear of WrestleMania 38

If the Hall of Fame is the Oscars of wrestling than WrestleMania is the Met Gala. It’s called the grandest stage of them all for a reason. Not everyone on the roster gets a chance to create a WrestleMania moment but the ones that do generally take the opportunity to go big with their gear. After all, there’s a huge likelihood that clips and photos from their match will be shown ad infinitum. WWE is serious about that whole “Then. Now. Forever.” thing.

Some succeed, some fail, and all deserve to be judged.

If you disagree, take one moment and think about how important ring attire is to character development and success. Would Ric Flair still be The Nature Boy without the robes? Would Randy Savage still be the Macho Man without the fringe? ...well, yeah probably but the iconic looks sure did help!

I’m bringing back the “Toot and Big Boot (inspired by the Drag Race YouTube series “Rupaul’s Ruview”) because the WWE superstars internalized the word stupendous and they turned it OUT for WrestleMania 38.

Toot

The bold colors, the geometry, the way it evokes a Pokémon without being corny! The fact that the bedazzled Pokémon card is both hilarious but also elevates the outfit! The absolute SWAG of the entrance! The fact that the match was GOOD actually!

It all worked.

...I can’t believe how many nice things I wrote about Logan Paul this weekend

Big Boot

It’s just her regular robe with two bedazzled cones on the shoulders? And the actual gear is just SO simple. Like, I get it. I’d be mad if I had to deal with Ronda Rousey too, but this gear is WAY too basic for The Queen

Toot

The color of the weekend was HIGHLIGHTER. I harp on Toxic Attraction a lot because their sexy gimmick feels real forced at times, but this look is GOOD. It says “I’m literally the only one that could pull this off and that is why I’m the god damn champ.”

Big Boot

We shall not Corey.

Toot

I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING SHUT UP

Big Boot

It’s basic. It’s boring. Her makeup makes it look like her eyeballs are eating her eyebrows. It’s not good. And for the love of all the gods throughout history can someone make her some gear that actually fits? I’m real sick of watching her constantly pull and adjust it during every single one of her matches.

Toot

WWE

In my heart, I will always be a twelve year old girl obsessed with vampires. Edge gets me.

Big Boot

What? Like I was going to write an article and miss up on a chance to make fun of Cody Rhodes. He got the tattoo touched up! He’s still dressing unironically like Homelander. He still thinks he’s the hero. It’s all very amusing. I hope it never stops.

Toot

I love this gear because it is so uniquely Bianca Belair. This gear would look bananas on anyone else, but it suits her perfectly. That’s also my favorite thing about Bianca in general. She never diminishes herself for anyone. She is the realEST! The details are fantastic, the fit is good and the red lip top?? UH! I’m going to make one of my own just so I can do a real elaborate chef kiss! And don’t ya just love how the gear matches her new belt? EST for a reason.

Big Boot

I’m so glad he won, but I’m also so confused as to why he dressed like Harley Quinn.

It’s a four way Toot!

They

all

killed

WWE

it.

Big Cowboy Boot

You know when people ask an either or question and you respond “whynotboth.gif”? This is the exact opposite of that.

Toot of the Night

I went back and forth on this one so much. There is so much happening that my initial reaction was WHOA no thanks. But then I really looked and boy did I do a real face turn on the gear. It’s now my pick for best gear of the entire weekend! I look at this outfit and I am immediately transported into Blade Runner. The gear is both fashion forward and feminine but also makes me feel like I should run for my life. And it works perfectly with her new hair cut! A lesser woman couldn’t pull it off but she’s called Big Time Becks for a reason.

It’s such a Big Boot that it’s actually a Toot

Seth Rollins is an IRL comic book villain. He legit looks and acts like he belongs in Batman Forever. It’s so insane but so perfectly in line with his character that it works! Every single terrible fashion choice he has made in the last year is perfect. Seth Rollins is a chaos demon and I hope he never changes.

Forever Toot

You don’t mess with a classic.

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What do you think Cagesiders? Who would you Toot & Boot?