Calculating Scott Steiner math


Scott Steiner’s math promo is one of the most legendary batshit insane promos this side of The Ultimate Warrior loading up the spaceship with the rocket fuel. It’s become one of the great memes of our industry. For the last week, I’ve thought of nothing more than actually trying to calculate the logic involved in getting a 141 2/3-percent chance of winning a triple threat match. So because I’m me and therefore an idiot with way more time on my hands than I know what to do with, I took my B+ in college algebra and A- in advanced statistics and did some calculations.

Let’s start from the top, and please note his promo was written out just the way he spoke it, or at least as close as possible:

"You know they say all men are created equal, but you look at me and you look at Smo’ Joe and you can see that statement is NOT TRUE! See, normally if you go one-on-one with another wrestler you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But I'm a genetic freak, and I'm not normal! So you got a 25-percent at best at beat me!"

An immediate calculation!

According to Steiner’s math here, he is a genetic freak who is so beyond mortal man that he has an extra coefficient for his chances of victory, that coefficient being 25-percent. Therefore 25+50=75, math checks out so far.

"And then you add Kurt Angle to the mix? You chances of winning drastic go down. See, the 3-Way at Sacrifice, you got a 33 and 1/3 chance of winning. But I! I got a 66 and 2/3 chance of winning, cuz Kurt Angle KNOWS he can't beat me, and he's not even gonna try."

Once more, some math to calculate out. According to Scott, Kurt Angle has a zero percent chance of beating him. So we’ll add his 33 1/3 to Scott and we do indeed get 66 2/3-percent. Now, it’s worth noting Angle has beaten Scott more often than not, but the math is sound.

Let us keep going.

"So, Samoa Joe, you take your 33 and 1/3 chance minus my twenty five percent chance and you got an eight and 1/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice. But then you take my 75 perchance-chance of winnin' (if we was to go one on one), and then add 66 and 2/3-percents, I got a 141 2/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice! Señor Joe? The numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster for you at Sacrifice!"

Once again, some calculations. Based on Scott’s math, if we take Smo’ Joe’s chances and subtract the genetic freak coefficient mentioned earlier, his chances go down to 8 1/3-percent, which leaves Scott a 91 2/3 chance of winning. That, however, is when the math crumbles. Scott then adds 66 2/3, his chances of winning before adding in the Genetic Freak coefficient variable, to the 75-percent from beating Joe one on one to get 141 2/3, which is impossible as no victory can have more than a 100 percent chance of happening. That's just basic stats. To actually calculate Scott’s chances, based on his math, we’d have to take 25 percent from both Joe and Angle, leaving both with the previously mentioned 8 1/3 chance, adding together to get 16 2/3, leaving Scott with a much less impressive 83 2/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice.

And that is how you apply statistics to complete word salad nonsense because you’re a moron with too much time to kill.

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