It’s okay to admit it’s not okay: finding peace after an unspeakable tragedy

From the top, I would like to open with a trigger warning. This piece will contain a long form piece on mental health struggles, suicide, and other internalized struggles. If any of that sets you off, feel free to turn away, I wouldn’t blame you, this was hard to write.

I thought long and hard about how I wanted to write this, to where I didn’t have a title for about three hours. As I am sure most of you are aware by now, earlier today we received the horrifically tragic news that Daffney had passed away at the age of 46, most likely as a result of suicide. It feels like underselling things to call it a tragedy, it’s one of the saddest days in wrestling over the last couple years in a two year period of sadness. I wanted to use this as an opportunity to lift the veil when it comes to myself. For about six-seven months now, I’ve transformed my persona here into being the goofy, fun loving guy who wants every woman to smash me over the head with a musical instrument. Underneath that persona, if you don’t follow me on twitter, my real name is Jon, and for seven years, I’ve had some pretty serious mental health struggles. I’ve had depression since middle school, I dealt with pretty serious anxiety issues and worsened depression in high school after being dumped by my best friend turned girlfriend, and since starting university, I’ve dealt with bouts of imposter syndrome, compounded by internal conflict over my identity and who I was. I say all of that to get to why I wanted to write about this: it’s okay to admit you’re not okay and do not be afraid to admit you need help. For years, mental struggles have been stigmatized and those with them singled out as just being sad or desperate for attention. Pardon my French, but that’s all bullshit. Mental struggles are very real and are going to get worse because of COVID isolation that’s happened for the past year and a half. Just always know it is okay to admit things are bad and you need help. For years, I tried to do things on my own, it didn’t work and I admitted I needed help from those I love, that saved my life. The best thing anyone struggling can do is get help. There’s plenty of therapy and services to help, including the National suicide hotline, 1-800-273-8255, there’s the Trevor Project hotline for LGBTQA+ kids and teens struggling at 1-866-488-7386, and there’s others for other countries available through Google or online anywhere. Just know you’re never alone, you are loved, and no matter what Inveni pacem quocumque vagaris, find peace of mine wherever you may roam.

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