MLW Pulp Fusion: The Von Erichs need to enter the Kumite

MLW is back with Pulp Fusion to keep their storylines churning. The Von Erichs have badass training methods, Alexander Hammerstone needed a pharmaceutical pick-me-up, and Salina de la Renta continues to play coy.

The format of Pulp Fusion is a quick cut montage of promos intermixed with each other. Let’s break it down:

• Richard Holliday starred in a commercial about drinking his morning cawfee in a Dynastic Coffee mug available at MLWShop.com. I could listen to that background music all day.
• Low Ki spoke in foreign tongues. I don’t know what he said, but it looked like he was drinking that Japanese soda brand that sponsored Alexander Hammerstone a while back. Low Ki addressed Dan Lambert’s tactics to revoke his fighting license from state athletic commissions. Mmm.
• King Mo mocked Low Ki about having brain damage from beating him up.
• Mance Warner phoned Dutch Mantell looking for a bear to wrestle.
• Los Parks were in the gym with a message for the Contra Unit. LA Park wants to split their heads. He then proceeded to demonstrate by smashing a tire with a sledgehammer. All three Parks smashed the tire good.
• Kevin and Marshall tested Ross’ claw strength by pulling ropes for tension on his grip. It was a scene that belongs in Bloodsport. The Von Erichs continued their workout with upside down pushups against a tree. Marshall crushed an apple in his hand.
• Tom Lawlor spoke to Dominic Garrini through his magic wristwatch. Lawlor claimed the Von Erichs were in front of a green screen instead of in Hawaii. The watch corrected green screen to dream team. “I am telling you the VON ERICHS R the dream team.” Lawlor pulled out a NJPW towel to tease a match.
• Myron Reed wants you to open your mind and vibe with him. His album, Bangers 4Ever, dropped on all streaming platforms. Bop with him.
• Konnan had words for Salina de la Renta. She isn’t on Konnan’s level. He told her stank ass that the devil knows more because of his age, not because he’s the devil.
• Hammerstone played guitar while his dog relaxed nearby. Hammer felt his energy waning, so he took a sip of his Exotic Latin Muscle Coffee. A smile crept across his face from the instant power surge. Hammerstone did aerobics with dumbbells then rocked on his guitar.
• Logan Creed has been unleashed. He was in his gear and looked ready for destruction.
• Gino Medina wants his six feet of social distancing.
• Salina spoke seductively into the camera. She knows you want it. She knows you need it. Everyone is asking where she’s been. The question we should be asking is what has she done.

The Von Erich claw training was wild. And totally awesome. Just look at it.

MLW Pulp Fusion

I bet Ross can catch a falling coconut with one hand. The Von Erich brothers are ready for the Kumite. Mind and body are a perfect team. Now’s their chance to live their dream. I’m expecting Marshall and Ross to soon be meditating at an ancient temple in Hawaii. Do you think the claw could take down Chong Li?

Seriously though, I’d be all in on a Bloodsport movie starring MLW talent. We already saw Zenshi flipping through trees. Jacob Fatu makes a perfect Chong Li. I guess Rich Bocchini would be Victor Lin and Aria Blake would be the reporter pumping Colonel Parker for info. Tom Lawlor and Dominic Garrini would have to be the bumbling cops.

Salina gave me the heebie-jeebies. She spoke as if she is going to unleash chaos. I got vibes that she used her bruja know-how to summon Mil Muertes (aka Ricky Banderas, El Mesias) from Lucha Underground. I’m scared.

Hammerstone took the cake with his muscle candy grin. He tweeted about signing a “multi head deal” with MLW. I thought multi head was an auto-correct typo, but now I’m wondering if his dog got a contract as well. That pooch has been in Pulp Fusion for multiple weeks. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a spin-off called Pup Fusion.

When Myron Reed said to bop with him, it reminded me of the DJ lady in The Warriors. That in turn made me imagine Reed evolving into Cyrus as MLW bands together. MLW has a bunch of little groups: Injustice, Dynasty, Hart Foundation, Los Parks, Von Erichs, Team Filthy, whoever joins Konnan, and whoever joins Salina in Promociones Dorado. Imagine them all at a rally side by side. Can you dig it!?! Of course, that would mean Reed gets killed right away, so the story would have to be adjusted.

That concludes today’s film fantasy discussion.

This episode of Pulp Fusion is part of the next MLW Anthology debuting Saturday night. The show will cover Steve Corino and the Extreme Horsemen.

The featured bouts are a Florida Death Match with Steve Corino vs. Dusty Rhodes vs Terry Funk and War Games with Funkin’ Army (Terry Funk, Sandman, Dr. Death Steve Williams, Sabu, Bill Alfonso) vs The Extreme Horsemen (Steve Corino, Barry Windham, CW Anderson, Simon Diamond, PJ Walker).

MLW’s weekly program (Fusion and Anthology) airs on beIN SPORTS Saturday nights at 10 pm ET / 7 pm ET. New episodes are posted on YouTube Saturdays at 6:05 pm ET. You can also check out MLW streaming on DAZN. In addition, MLW is broadcast in over 20 countries.

MLW Roundup

In a Q&A session on Twitter, CEO Court Bauer mentioned that there are no plans to quit posting MLW programming on YouTube. It is not a good deal long-term, but Bauer wants fans to have numerous ways to watch the shows. Bauer also discussed not being interested in the recent WWE releases. He’s looking to spotlight younger talent in MLW.

The Von Erich brothers are staying in shape with beach workouts and doing chores on their father’s ranch in Hawaii. Meanwhile, Tom Lawlor has ordered Team Filthy to have matching haircuts as a way to bond. No new team photo has surfaced yet.

The mystery of Lawlor’s fight with a Japanese promotion has been revealed. He will compete in NJPW of America’s Lion’s Break Project. The program takes place throughout July.

Puma King has been living with Rich Bocchini after being stuck in the US. Apparently, they have become best of pals bonding over Tiger King and the NHL 20 video game. I hope we get to see the coolest cat on Pulp Fusion.

We’ll close with a salute to HammerMania.

I wasn’t sure who would be the best choice to take down the Contra Unit. After that musical montage from Alexander Hammerstone, my choice is now made. Whatcha gonna do when HammerMania runs wild on Contra?