Being the Elite Rewind: Grown Children

1. This week on Being the Elite: Rewind I watch episodes 21-25 of the series and am grateful that The Young Bucks don’t drink.

Episode 21

A view from their plane on the way to Tokyo, Japan kicks off yet another video of The Young Bucks traveling. Then, terrifyingly, they film themselves in a loud, squeaking building that is literally SWAYING due to a 6.2 earthquake. They are shockingly calm about the whole thing. They work out before their show by climbing the stairs in said squeaky building (it’s actually a great on the road workout tip) followed by a weird extended shot of them walking to the arena with their bags. They keep talking but you can’t really hear theme. I guess they are trying to give us ambiance??? Who knows. Once at the arena Matt performs his famous autograph, which is starting to become exhausting. Aaaand now we’re snack shopping. Literally, just walking around a Japanese convenience store giving the viewer a tour. They really must've been bored. More Matt autographs outside the store - honestly, I don’t know if this is still funny or if it’s mean. Both, probably. The gang end this video with a trip to their home away from home, Round 1, but this time they play sports instead of video games. I want to make fun of them for spending so much time at Round 1, but honestly it’s amazing and I am jealous. They play a round of horse and strategically cut out all of their missed shots making it seem like they are supernaturally good at basketball. Now, that’s a thought...Kenny would make an excellent vampire.

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Episode 22

What is it with wrestlers and Disney? Every time I pop on social media another wrestler is bebopping around a theme park! Perhaps to be a professional wrestler one must have an overdeveloped air of whimsy. The gang is in Tokyo Disney with Masa - who is the best part of BTE if you ask me - and seem to be having an excellent time. After their Disney trip it’s off to work and they are greeted with some truly excellent Bullet Club fan signs. After the show they head off to a sponsorship dinner and seem less than enthused about it. Sponsorship in Japan is wild, but hey free cola! No for real, they pretend to be choosing the perfect sake and then order a “cold one” aka a coke zero. Nerds. It is at this moment that I realize that it is a great thing that these particular people don’t drink because they are extra AF completely sober and I don’t think the world could handle The Young Bucks drunk. It would be a veritable Superkick Rampage! The following day they leave their fellow NJPW friends behind to take the train which is the right choice because trains the the best and are very cool and oh, man I wish the US had better train infrastructure. They go into a convenience story named “New Days” and naturally sing the New Day theme song. The subtle troll is basically a requirement at this point. The video ends with them recording a weird video in a toilet singing the DX theme song for what seems to be a Colonel Sanders meme generator??? I honestly have no idea what they are doing half the time.

Episode 23

For the first time in 23 episodes I am actually jealous of their traveling. Trains are so cool! They are, naturally, just being stupid on the train and not enjoying the epicness of it, but I digress. Mostly, I think these videos are really just an excuse to try and make each other laugh. Gotta pass the time somehow. On the train platform they meet a fan that tells Kenny he as a nice face and then Kenny proceeds to terrify a child. All in a day’s work. They get recognized a bunch and do their fan due diligence. The Bucks head back to a wrestling shop to sell more merch and to film a weird commercial for the store where they play with toys. The hustle never stops! Hey, The Bucks do their laundry. I mean, I *know* wrestlers must do their laundry when they are on the road, but I have been to a lot of indie shows that have made me question this…let’s just say traveling wrestlers should never wear white gear. The Bucks act like children at a children’s park playing on equipment that is entirely too small for them and then the video ends with one of their entourage putting a wig on his head that he found on the literal ground. Maybe I’m just tired, but I think I may be too old to get enjoyment watching BTE.

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Episode 24

It’s Halloween in Tokyo! Doesn’t that sound like the absolute best place to be during the absolute best time of year? I’m so jealous! The Bucks and Kenny buy Halloween costumes to wear to their next show - a ghost and two Ghost-busters respectively - and then head to the Tokyo Dome in full gimmick to take some new 8X10’s for their store. Kenny takes The Bucks to Universal Studios (again, whimsy) for Halloween Horror and a themed ride called “Trauma.” Yes you read that right. TRAUMA. Kenny is all about this, Matt seems excited and Nick, ever the pragmatic one. is terrified. Kenny reads the release form they must sign before entering the ride and OMG it sounds absolutely terrifying. There are GELATINOUS SUBSTANCES. Why would anyone do this?? (Disclosure: I am a big baby and hate haunted houses.) Also, Kenny says uncomfortable weird. Canadians. Matt calls his family to say goodbye to his loved ones and they enter the ride. Per the release form they cannot film during the ride or talk about it afterwards, but when they are finished all three of them seem completely overwhelmed and admit that it was “more thrilling than a Young Bucks match.” High praise indeed.

BTE YouTube

Episode 25

Uh-oh. Kenny on his own...never a good thing. Oh, I guess they are in New Zealand now. They skipped the traveling and complaining part! Yay! Kenny has strolled into some kind of internet bar/video game establishment to play Street Fighter. Kenny, it seems has three loves: wrestling, his Young Bucks, and video games. Meanwhile, The Bucks are at a New Zealand dojo just dojoing around. They meet up with Kenny and some of the other NJPW guys (HI TAMA! HI TANGA!) and decide to go bungee jumping because they are The Elite and, honestly, what else does one do in New Zealand/? Kenny does a weird saxophone dance to hide his fear, Tama acts like a lunatic and Nick does the “Suck It” sign when he jumps. Who needs alcohol when you can just jump off things I say?

If you like watching grown men act like children, and let’s be honest you watch professional wrestling so you do, than these five episodes are for you. Personally, I am counting down the days for the scripted episodes to begin...

Join me here next week for Being the Elite: Rewind episodes 26-30.