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WWE SmackDown Live (May 7, 2019) – Abridged

In which the wild card rule dies.

discount Marvel movie intro, then/now/whatever

here’s a dude with farmer strength

AJ: here cause wild card, SDL’s my house

suddenly a wacky hipster who hates everyone

SAMI: here cause wild card, Universe sucks, so does AJ

AJ: weren’t you in trash earlier

suddenly KOFI and XAVIER

BEAR: aaaaaaaand that’s everyone

KOFI: hey AJ, SDL’s not your house anymore

AJ: wanna fight ya tho

XAVIER: maybe don’t

KOFI: or maybe do

SAMI: or maybe don’t, Universe thinks ya suck, stop bein gullible, let’s fight for the belt

XAVIER: weren’t you in trash earlier

KOFI: beat Bryan last night, imma fight whoever for my belt later

meanwhile on video

KO: today’s my bday, not on SDL, imma beat Kofi at MITB

ALI’s fightin ANDRADE now

COLE: also Kofi’s fightin both Sami and AJ later

ALI: imma fight for light

VEGA: neat, Andrade’s gonna get the case at MITB

ANDRADE: imma talk Spanish now, have a corner

ALI: facekicks

VEGA: aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

ALI: I am very distracted

ANDRADE: good, have the floor

ALI face in perils til

ALI: jumpyrally time

RANDY: rather ya didn’t

ANDRADE: here’s a facekick too then

ALI: also beatemups

RANDY: rko

ANDRADE: cool imma jumpydive atcha

RANDY: rko


ROMAN: here’s a video, member how I’m great

BEAR: kinda don’t need remindin

here’s a heel dad with money

SHANE: Miz chairthumped me, imma beat him at MITB, here’s new SDL tag champs

it’s BRYAN and ROWAN, suddenly USOS

USO: Roman said we could wild card uce

USO: so we did uce

USO: gotta earn the SDL belts uce

USO: so we want em uce

SHANE: sounds good

BEAR: wait why

SHANE: wanna watch beatemups

meanwhile on video

FINN: imma grab the case at MITB

USOS: hey Bryan have offense

ROWAN: tag

USO: also have offense

ROWAN: but I am quite large

BRYAN: tag, pin

USO: nah but ow

USO face in perils til

USO: superkick pin

BRYAN: nah, labell lock

USO: rollypin tho

BRYAN: nah

USO: superkick then

ROWAN: tag

USO: also superkick

ROWAN: still standing thou cretin

USOS: have all of em then

USO: splashypin

ROWAN: nah

jumpycrashykicky chaos ensues til

ROWAN: haveth an iron claw pin


here’s BRAY’s kid show from RAW, still creepy

SHANE: MITB’s soon

MIZ: neat, have beatemups

BEAR: um that’s five Raw folks

BTEAM: mind if we cut in

MIZ: kinda do, have a wall

SHANE: have chairthumps

MIZ: very ow

meanwhile backstage

PLANETCHAMPS: got new belts

HEAVIES: want your belts

insert standard tag match cause SDL playaplayaplaya, SONYAMANDY beats EMBERMELLA

suddenly PAIGE and KAIRISUKA

PAIGE: member Absolution, with Kairisuka now, they’re fightin ya next week

DASHA: hey Matt, Lars killed ya, how bout that

MATT: yep, but Jeff’s good

TRUTH: hey Matt, hate Lars too, he is very big

LARS: you rang


LARS murderdeathkills MATT and TRUTH

BLACK: I’m mysterious, means I’m scary

AJ and SAMI and KOFI triple threatin for the belt now

AJ: y’all get offense

KOFI: then you get jumpykicks

SAMI: what bout me

KOFI: you too

AJ: still givin out offense tho

KOFI: rollypin

AJ: nah

KOFI: then a corner

AJ: likewise

KOFI: jumpypin

AJ: nah

SAMI: still here folks

KOFI, AJ: we see ya

KOFI: doublelegs to AJ too

SAMI: again still here

KOFI: oh

SAMI: powerbomb pin

KOFI: nah

SAMI: well AJ gets a corner

AJ: but imma rally tho

SAMI: stop cause imma superplex pin Kofi

KOFI: nah

SAMI: same deal for AJ

AJ: no ya don’t, imma rally

KOFI: double sos, can’t pin

AJ: have a pele kick then, phenomenal f-

KOFI: trouble in paradise to the floor

KO: well hi Xavier, have stairs

KOFI: I am very distracted

SAMI: blue thunder bomb pin

KOFI: nah

SAMI: lemme try again

KOFI: still nah

SAMI: third time’s a charm

KOFI: hahahahahaha nah

SAMI: oh right, finisher’s heluva kick

KOFI: trouble in paradise pin


DASHA: hey Kofi, KO might be in your head, how bout that

KOFI: totally not but imma murderdeathkill him at MITB now

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