Another week, another edition of Cageside Seats’ Bitter Boys Club podcast with myself and Impact Wrestling star Ethan Page.
Among the many topics hit this week, was a recent in-ring beef Page had to sort out:
Page: In the back, this guy calls “lariat” on me. I just think he’s a big mark and he’s using wrestling terms wrong. I’m thinking, “This is the beginning of the match, he means clothesline. Yeah, I’ll take a clothesline.” And I agree to this. I even make a joke to my friend (Josh Alexander), I said, “Hey, Josh, this guy said lariat. Do you think he’s going to kill me?” We go out there and literally the first move, I take this stupid clothesline and this guy throws it as hard as he can, and he hits me in the belly.
I take this clothesline to the stomach and I bump, get up and look right in Josh’s eyes and I go, “Oh, I’m going to f’n kill this guy.” The next spot was to tag out, Josh comes in and I’m steaming on apron. I can’t believe this little boy just tried to kill me with a clothesline like I was the biggest piece of shit he’d ever seen in wrestling. THat’s how hard he threw it. I was like, “You’re a big person, Julian. You can just beat the shit out of this guy and everything is going to be ok.” I think, “What would an asshole do in a wrestling match? Oh, he’d just chop the hell out of him.”
So the first thing I do when I get back in the ring, you know the spot where the partner is holding his ribs open, Josh is holding him open and I get in the ring and do an open hand uppercut to his stomach as hard as I could, just like the clothesline he threw. Everything after that I was just manhandling the dude to make him crap his pants.
I chopped this dude so hard I thought I stopped his heart.
We get to the back and I’m like, “Josh, I don’t know what happened, I was a shark and I saw blood.” He said he deserved it and in my head I feel justified. But I felt so bad so I went to the guy and he was like, “Great match, is everything ok?” I was like, “Hey man, so I beat the shit out of you because you clotheslined me as hard as you could.”
And he goes, “Oh, yeah! It’s a lariat!”
Also, being a Christmas spectacular, we hit on plenty of holiday topics, including when we found out the truth about Santa, and how we’re handling things as fathers of young children.
Page: I remember the moment I found out was when my mom let it slip that she bought me my lazer tag.
Brookhouse: Ah, that’s a worry for me now.
Page: I was like, “What? You didn’t get it for me! Santa did!” I went out and cried on the steps, I couldn’t believe he wasn’t real.
Brookhouse: Yeah, this is a worry for me now, because one, we talk and my fiance’s big thing is she doesn’t want Santa to get credit for all the coolest shit we get the kids.
Page: I get it. It kind of breaks my heart that I have to write my kid and dogs on gifts to my wife. I’m like … no, I got all these.
I had to fall on my head for this. But, no, my dogs got her this gift. In my head, I know I’m an idiot. Clearly my dogs and baby did not go online. I know this. But writing their names really bugged me.
Brookhouse: Yeah, we have that but now my daughter is old enough where if we do the slip up and say, “Oh, that robot we got you” and she thinks, “wait, I told Santa I wanted a robot and he got it for me.”
I really don’t remember ever finding out there was no Santa. It was just a thing at some point.
Page: My wife and I have been having the debate of if we’re going to lie to our kid.
Brookhouse: I get the debate, but it’s just like, you only get so much time in your life where things feel magical and real. Somewhere down the road I’ll have to say, “Yeah, sorry, but we just wanted you to have a good time.”
Page: I have really good memories about Santa Claus. One year we set the camera up to catch Santa and my dad shook bells beside it, did the “ho ho ho” and then the camera falls over and you see black boots walk to the tree and drop gifts off.
I had that tape and I wanted to show everyone and my dad was like, “No, no, no. We have to keep that at home and keep it a secret.”