I hope your appetite is ready, because CMLL is bringing you the beef. CMLL busted out their thirteenth annual bodybuilding contest. Luchadores from across the land donned their skimpiest Speedos. Break out the baby oil, and let’s get this party started.
Stakes were high. An impressive outing would probably put them on the fast track to a WWE contract.
The show began with professor Arturo Beristain yelling out numbers for a line of CMLL wrestling school students to do squats and pushups as a test of physical condition. Crazy neck strengthening stretches, mat tumbling, leaping, flipping, freestyle rolling, and submissions were exhibited. It was actually pretty interesting to observe if you’ve never seen professional wrestling training. That lasted for about 25 minutes.
Time for what we’ve all been waiting for. First up were male students from the CMLL school.
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I swear one luchador’s name was Killer Kock, or at least that’s what it sounded like. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and spell that second word with a K. A different luchador was wearing one black glove like Bad News Brown. His name was Hijo del Mano Negra. Son of Black Fist. How apropos.
The micros were next. Booyah!
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They were followed by the female students, beginners, newcomers, women, and advanced. The beginners had the best music with, “The Power.” I’ve got the power!
The masks make this so absurd. I feel like I’ve taken a wrong turn and walked into some strange orgy.
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The camera showed an older lady being escorted out from the crowd by security. She must have been too hot to trot.
Winners
Emily Rose was victorious in the female student division.
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Micro Angel won the micro division. He received a trophy. Emily Rose didn’t get squat.
The master of ceremonies was saying they would receive a prize. At the same time, he ushered a lady on stage. Was she the prize? The timing of his words right at that moment made me laugh at the possibilities. The prize was actually handing each one some cash in a sly palm style.
In a shocking upset, Thor was victorious in the male student division. I thought for sure Hercules Negro would have won with a name like that. He placed second, and Emperador Azteca was third.
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Fugaz took the beginner division. Sangre Imperial placed second. Halcon Suriano Jr. earned third. Fugaz was presented with a 3,000 peso big check. That is worth about $150 USD. What a sweet bonus for having a job where you are in shape anyway. Hey! The fine print says $3,000 in official product from Alpha Nutrition. Booooo!
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Dragon Rojo Jr. prevailed in the newcomer division. I think Triton was robbed. Dragon Rojo Jr. has chicken legs. Triton should have hit Dragon Rojo Jr. with a chair and started a feud. Triton took second, followed by Niebla Roja in third. Cavernario did not place. He must not know the proper poses. I doubt they have muscle flexing contests in the cave community.
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Niebla Roja acted like a gigolo by stuffing money into his banana hammock.
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Dalys dominated the women’s division. That is no surprise. She has probably won all 13 years of the women’s group. Lluvia was second, while Avispa Dorada finished in third place.
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Astral went to a higher level to win the advanced division. That dude is yoked for his size. Angel del Amor was second, and Espiritu Negro was third. Astral was handed an envelope, presumably full of cash money. One of the sponsors was a railroad syndicate. I wonder if the mafia is involved.
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Time for the best body category from the winners.
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Astral took home the crown of Mr. CMLL. This is what jubilation looks like.
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The other winners hugged Astral and congratulated him by whispering in his ear. Dalys and Dragon Rojo Jr. were saying something lengthy to Astral. What could they be saying other than good job? “I admire the way you squeeze your butt-cheeks.”
Well, that bodybuilding contest was something. I’m surprised El Valiente wasn’t involved. This seems right up his alley. The two hour meat market can be seen on YouTube. It’s not as entertaining as the bodybuilders in Malcolm in the Middle, but it should bring some chuckles as background viewing.
Who would win a bodybuilding contest in WWE? Is that something you would like to see as a Network special? What is your favorite strongman scene from television or the movies?