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Impact Wrestling Results, Review, & Video (May 18, 2017): Genital Reflection

@ImpactWrestling

Impact Wrestling returned last night (May 18) with an Ultimate X main event. You can find the results in the live blog here.

Derailed

EC3 and James Storm built a pretty good story the last few weeks. Carter cost Storm the title by crushing a beer bottle over his head. Last week, he upped his nastiness by handcuffing Storm to the ropes and whipping him with a rope. And tonight, the finally meet up.

Too bad it got derailed before it could come to a good conclusion.

They decided to insert Magnus of all people into this feud. All night, the former GFW champion was angry that he lost the title. That’s all well and good. But then they weaved these together and none of it was well nor good.

The match was fairly standard, with Carter using some underhanded tactics to maintain control. Storm finally fought back and the fight spilled outside. Storm went to grab a leather belt he brought to whip Carter when Magnus, who was at commentary, took the belt to stop him. This drew Bruce Pritchard out with refs to walk Magnus to the back.

While this initial whole Magnus/Bruce thing killed the momentum, that was the middle of the match. There was time for EC3 and Storm to get it back, which they did well enough. At the end of the match, it was EC3 who went for the belt. However, referee Brian Stifler grabbed the belt only to get knocked out by EC3 for his trouble. Then Carter continued his vicious villainy by whipping the poor referee.

Pretty good again, right? Well it’s about to go back downhill.

Storm started taking it to Carter again. As he set up the Last Call Superkick, out came Magnus to stop him.

Magnus tossed Storm against the ring steps, got back into the ring, and jawed with EC3. And then out comes Pritchard yet again. He ruled that these three men will have a triple threat match to main event Slammiversary next week.

Let’s take a moment here to discuss why that makes no sense. For weeks, they were playing up the fact that the person who holds the GFW has the “golden ticket” to main event Slammiversary, presumably against Bobby Lashley. (Lashley is the Impact champion in case you forgot.) In fact, that’s the entire reason Magnus is upset. Because he lost that title, and therefore that opportunity, to Alberto El Patron. In fact, Bruce Pritchard even told him so backstage earlier. But despite all of that, they put these three in a match to decide who main events Slammiversary and none of them hold the GFW title. So all of the story building to this contradicts this very thing.

Pritchard continued to be a terrible on screen character when he told EC3 that maybe he should look in the mirror again (calling back to an earlier promo where said that) to find his balls.

Wait... huh? What does that even mean? Pretty sure EC3 knows where his genital are. Plus Carter will either need a full length mirror or need to bring a stool into the bathroom to find his genital reflection. And more importantly, what did EC3 do that was cowardly? This was just a dumb line trying to get a cheap pop.

Carter did knock out Pritchard afterwards, which was nice. But I don’t think I was supposed to cheer it given Ethan is a major heel right now and all.

This was a segment where when Carter and Storm got to work together to tell their story, it was pretty good. But they then added Magnus in with no reason to be there and focused way too much on Bruce Pritchard and it killed what they were trying to do in order to set up a match that doesn’t make much sense.

Ultimate X

The main event was an Ultimate X match between champion Low-Ki, Trevor Lee, and Andrew Everett. And it was really fun.

X Division matches usually are, though they usually jam in as many men as they can so it’s not stop action, with your standard flips and dives and such. Pretty much, it’s not Randy Orton’s bag. But tonight, there were only the three men. That let the match breath and tell a couple stories.

Trevor Lee was the dominant force in this match, despite not winning. He held the ring most of the match, keeping Low-Ki from even entering and keeping Andrew Everett grounded for much of the time. Shane Helms was ringside to aid the technical savage. Helms even gave his protege a chair to use at one point.

While Lee was able to neutralize Andrew Everett with the chair, Low-Ki straight up punched the chair straight into Lee’s face. It was the type of hit that made a huge sound, helping sell that impact. Unfortunately for the champ, that jacked up his hand so badly he couldn’t climb the ropes. If you can’t climb the ropes, you can get yourself the title.

Low-Ki ended up working his away around his injury by climbing to the very top of the structure, which is easier to do one handed, and made he way to the title that way. He stomped both Lee and Everett, who were also converging on the title via the ropes, and was able to snag the gold to retain his title.

This was a great match worthy of the main event spot.

Tag Team Action

The show opened with a GFW tag title tournament match between LAX and Laredo Kid & Garza Jr. These two teams have been enjoyable to watch in the ring since their debuts and the match lived up to that.

I’ve been really enjoying LAX since their return. Konnan has done a good job as the mouth piece and the two guys who doing the wrestling put on fun matches. They have been built as a dominant heel team, consistently using their numbers to take the advantage. Multiple times during this match, Homicide worked in some shots on the face in peril while another member distracted the referee. But the best interference spot goes to Diamante, who snuffed out a rally from Garza Jr. by delivering a huricanrana from the top rope, driving Garza from the apron to the floor. This immediately led to LAX getting the win over an outnumbered Laredo Kid.

I am really looking forward to when Diamante starts working matches.

On the other side, Laredo Kid and Garza Jr. have been featured quite regularly and often like a big deal. They’re good guys for the most part, but Garza Jr. is surely cocky. He does a spot where he stops and rips off his pants in the middle of the match. In the move of supreme cockiness tonight, he did as his part of his fire up comeback! He escaped a move, held up both arms to stop both members of LAX, and ripped off his pants. Unlike other times where he pays for such ridiculousness, he was still able to roll to tag in his partner.

The fact that this match was a tournament match for the meaningless GFW titles didn’t add anything to it. I’m a broken record with this criticism, but it will stand every week until the explain what the role of the GFW titles are. These titles just saturate the entire program instead of meaning something more.

But the match was really fun.

Still Going...

Despite what the above video’s title claims, none of this is MUST SEE.

Kongo Kong defeated Braxton Sutter one on one as this story continues to happen. After the match, KM and Sienna ran out and beat down Braxton until Mahabali Shera made the save. This set up a KM/Kong vs. Sutter/Shera tag for next week.

They really aren’t trying to add interesting people to this feud. KM’s bully shtick is decent, but he’s still new and I have no investment either way in him. Mahabali Shera has been around a long while, but still doesn’t have much of a character for us to invest in. Kongo Kong is a standard monster.

Braxton Sutter is a step above those guys because he was a big part of the wedding angle so we had time to get to know him. I don’t care for the fact he called Sienna a dude last night though. I’m just not a fan of using that as an insult this day and age, especially from a babyface. But that’s not an Impact thing. That’s a wrestling everywhere thing.

I’d prefer for them to wrap up this story and start something new. But it’s got some time left because it will probably lead to Allie facing Laurel or Sienna.

The Rest

Announcer feud

Jeremy Borash came out later in the show with his attorney Joseph Park (Abyss) to tells Josh Mathews that JB has been reinstated. After Mathews jawed with Park for too long, it set up a match at Slammiversary between JB & Park vs. Mathews and a partner of his choosing. We may already know who it is.

This segment was twice as long as it should have been. But it is what it is. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m never going to like this feud. At least it’s stopped ruining the entire show.

GFW women

Sienna defeated ODB to retain her GFW Women’s title. It was less than 5 minutes, which doesn’t help us care about the GFW titles any more than we did prior.


Pros of the Show:

  • Really fun main event
  • Tag match delivered

Cons of the Show:

  • Adding in the Magnus and Pritchard stuff derailed what EC3 and Storm were doing
  • Announcers feud segment that was twice as long as it should have been
  • This Laurel/Allie/Braxton/Kong story is still happening. Now with more Shera!

This episodes was basically two really good matches and a bunch of other stuff that wasn’t that good. While EC3 continues to become a nasty heel, the rest of that was ruined in order to book a match contrary to what we were told before.

Oh and where hell is Rosemary?

Grade: C

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