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Joey Janela’s Spring Break recap & review: Bro vs. Beast!

FloSlam

A quick note to start, folks. A special show deserves a special format and so tonight, I will not be doing the usual close-to-the-action recap I do for most shows. Instead, because this show is crazy awesome from the premise on up, I will simply be noting EVERY awesome, excellent, wacky, wild thing that I can with a bullet point. On with the show!

  • Before the show even starts a Tweet crosses my feed from my pal Max "erik rowans younger brother" Garren about how the crowd is playing giant beach volleyball with Jervis Cottonbelly.
  • The pre-show reel is playing the awesome video where Genie Scott Hall granted Joey Janela his match with Marty Jannetty.
  • The show opens with the WCW Nitro theme!
  • There are lasers!

Kyle the Beast vs. Sami Callihan

  • Dives from both men before the bell even rings!
  • Sami clobbers Kyle with the beach ball!
  • Someone in the crowd has a pool noodle.
  • KTB has a sweet rolling thunder spear.
  • He also has an awesome California Roll variant!
  • And a Jackhammer! Sami kicked out of it, though, bad luck Bill.
  • Callihan with a straight kick Cheeky Nando's into a powerbomb into the Stretch Muffler!

Sami Callihan wins by submission with the Stretch Muffler.

  • Excalibur is informed not to speak over the ring announcer as if he's never done iPPV before, hah.

Allie & Braxton Sutter vs. Andy Williams & Penelope Ford

  • Allie is wearing some kind of bunny ears.
  • Andy Williams from Every Time I Die comes to the ring in a Metallica t-shirt.
  • Totally using a bullet point to let you guys know that Low Teens by Every Time I Die was one of my favorite records last year. Map Change, my god, what a song. My recap, I'll do what I want!
  • Screechy promo from Allie!
  • A "F&%# THAT OWL!" CHANT!
  • Allie says Andy won't lay a hand on her so he lays her out with a lariat! Braxton clobbers Penelope with a kick!
  • Sutter has a door!
  • The crowd is chanting "Door!"
  • Williams slams him through the door!
  • Handspring throat thrust from Ford!
  • Aw, Braxton spit at the crowd, gross.
  • Allie blocks a chokeslam on her man with a low blow!
  • Double lariats for the men and double facebusters for the women, everybody's laid out.
  • Allie cuts off a charge from Andy with a superkick and eats a stunner from Penelope in return!
  • Matrix evasion on a lariat.
  • Double Lethal Injection, Ford on a roll!

Andy Williams & Penelope Ford win by pinfall with an assisted moonsault from Ford on Braxton Sutter.

  • Some poor staff member is chasing after the beach ball.
  • Larry Legend kicks the beach ball into the crowd.

Eddie Kingston vs. Matt Tremont (c) (GCW Championship Falls Count Anywhere Match)

  • Eddie Kingston has a shark!
  • Also Eddie coming out to Ecstasy of Gold, awesome.
  • And Matt Tremont out to the Metallica version of Turn the Page! Straight up, dude has some of the best entrance music picks around. Love Tremont.
  • Tremont took a pool noodle from a fan and stuck it in his mouth.
  • Matt declares that it's time for blood and violence and falls count anywhere!
  • Tremont throws a right hand to Kingston's face and the crack is LOUD!
  • He has a door out from under the ring, and a second, and a third!
  • Matt is busted open already and halfway to a crimson mask.
  • Eddie sends him through a door in the corner!
  • WAR KING JAMMING A FORK INTO THE CHAMPION'S FOREHEAD!
  • Kingston threatens a crowd in the front row and Tremont gets the barbecue fork out!
  • Eddie turns the fork around on him!
  • Heading up the entryway and fighting out in the crowd!
  • They're slugging it out over a balcony!
  • Kingston uses a fan's sign as a weapon!
  • Suplex into a table in the crowd!
  • We have been at full crimson mask for some time, by the by.
  • Tremont sets a chair up across the apron and the barricade.
  • EDDIE PULLS HIM OFF THE TURNBUCKLE AND THROUGH THE DOOR!
  • Spinning backfist blocked and Tremont DVDs Kingston through a door!

Matt Tremont wins by pinfall with a Death Valley Driver through a door, retaining the GCW Heavyweight Championship.

  • Larry Legend points out that Spring Break is trending on Twitter.
  • Bryce Remsburg is here!

Arik Cannon vs. Bryan Idol vs. Crazy Boy vs. Dink vs. "All Ego" Ethan Page vs. Facade vs. Glacier vs. Invisible Man vs. Jervis Cottonbelly vs. Jimmy Lloyd vs. John Silver vs. Travis "Flip" Gordon vs. Veda Scott (Spring Break Clusterf&%# Match)

  • A "Clusterf&%#!" chant!
  • Elimination is by pinfall, submission... or death!
  • The Clusterf&%# starts with mat grappling from a man named Flip!
  • Ah, here come the flips. Gordon is kipping up over and over.
  • John Silver in third clearing house with lariats and huge biels!
  • Veda firing chops like she's Kenta Kobashi!
  • Silver hits a superkick to lay her out and follows it up with enough crotch chops that the Young Bucks are like "I dunno, dude."
  • Bryan Idol is dumping people like he thinks over-the-top is actually a valid elimination.
  • FACADE SPRINGBOARD 450 SPLASH TO THE OUTSIDE!
  • FACADE'S VALET HITS A SWANTON TO THE OUTSIDE!
  • Crazy Boy is raising the roof.
  • I just realized Bryce is refereeing in sunglasses, which is also incredible.
  • Jervis! Hugs for everyone!
  • Silver attacks him with a pool noodle but the Gentleman has some tickles to fend him off!
  • He's tickling Bryce! And Crazy Boy! And Facade! TickleMania running wild!
  • Aw, Jervis and Remsburg are hugging.
  • THE INVISIBLE MAN IS HERE!
  • A LOW BLOW!
  • SILVER CAN'T GET HIM UP FOR A SUPLEX!
  • A BLOODIED VEDA SCOTT IS FIGHTING HARD BUT GETS GERMAN SUPLEXED!
  • SLUGGING IT OUT WITH FACADE! LARIAT! DDT! NOT ENOUGH!
  • Jimmy Lloyd is coming out to the WWF No Mercy music. You know, from the N64.
  • Half nelson driver eliminates Flip Gordon!
  • Lloyd forced himself on Veda! She gives him a superkick by way of receipt, to thunderous ovation!
  • Cottonbelly and Silver are hugging... Jervis passed out! He's still in it!
  • Cottonbelly-to-belly suplex!
  • Arik Cannon is out with a six-pack of PBR!
  • He shares a drink with Silver, John tries to take him out, Cannon sees it coming and eliminates him with a Stunner!
  • Larry Legend running back and forth up the entryway is popping me for some reason.
  • GLACIER! IN FULL REGALIA!
  • Glacier is wrestling Crazy Boy. Glacier eliminated Crazy Boy!
  • DINK! EVIL DINK!
  • DINK IS SQUARING OFF AGAINST GLACIER!
  • Dink misdirects Veda and bites her hindquarters!
  • Arik makes the mistake of slapping her butt as well and she goes ham on him with strikes!
  • Dink the Clown has left the building!
  • Ethan Page has the Gatekeepers with him, because that's fair.
  • He immediately eliminates Veda with Spinning Dwayne but the Invisible Man is running wild on him!
  • ETHAN PAGE POWERBOMBED THE INVISIBLE MAN TO THE OUTSIDE!
  • Excalibur is asking Sami Callihan to get him a water.
  • All Ego eliminates the Invisible Man!
  • Jimmy Lloyd has a chair!
  • Arik hits Facade with a crazy brainbuster/neckbreaker thing into the ropes and eliminates him!
  • Stiff powerbomb for Bryan Idol into a brainbuster!
  • Glacier eliminates Cannon with a boot!
  • It's Ethan Page vs. Glacier...
  • ...AND THEY'RE PLAYING THE MORTAL KOMBAT MUSIC!
  • WITH LASERS!
  • Page eliminates Glacier with a schoolboy but Jimmy Lloyd's still in it!
  • All Ego wraps a chair around Jimmy's neck and throws him into the turnbuckle!
  • Lloyd flips Page the bird as the Gatekeepers get All Ego plunder.
  • Ethan whacks Jimmy with a broken chunk of door from earlier.
  • Another door is in play, and Lloyd goes through it...
  • ...but is not eliminated!
  • Another door, same story.
  • Cross-arm Iconoclasm through the door!
  • Jimmy with a slap for Page!
  • A cutter for Flex!
  • Rolling elbow for Blaster!
  • BLASTER TOPE CON GIRO ONTO PAGE AND FLEX!

Jimmy Lloyd wins by pinfall, last eliminating "All Ego" Ethan Page by pinfall with a Beach Break.

Keith Lee vs. Lio Rush

  • Electric staredown here.
  • Lio buzzing around Keith trying to take him off-center but Keith is agile enough to hang with him.
  • Lee catches a suicide dive effortlessly!
  • Rush tries to counter a powerbomb out of that into a Frankensteiner but Keith overpowers him and powerbombs him into the apron!
  • Excalibur is talking about hypothetically livestreaming Dink's funeral and I am dying.
  • Keith Lee blocks a tilt-a-whirl headscissors and throws Lio away!
  • Lee jawing at Rush and Lio pops him in the mouth!
  • So Keith throws him into the turnbuckles and Lio crumples to the outside.
  • Rush with a forearm and Lee has this awesome "Okay, kid, that hurt" look on his face.
  • Slap rush! Pump kick!
  • CRAZY POP-UP SPINEBUSTER! Lio got so much air.
  • Rush has a fireman's carry on the big man! Death Valley Driver!
  • Frog splash... Lee with the huge kickout!
  • Lio Rush throwing huge, cracking kicks to a dazed Keith Lee.
  • REF BUMP! IS IT HAPPENING?! SPIRIT BOMB!
  • BRYCE GOT UP! LIO LIVES!
  • Bryce IS very durable, should have seen that coming.
  • Keith blocks a sunset flip by wrapping one huge hand around the ringpost and using the other to punch Rush in the head.
  • LIO RUSH POWERBOMB!
  • Chop to the throat!
  • AVALANCHE SPIRIT BOMB COUNTERED TO A FRANKENSTEINER! FROG SPLASH! A SECOND! A THIRD!

Lio Rush wins by pinfall with a frog splash.

  • Lio and Keith hug after, which Excalibur describes as "the Code of Spring Break Honor".

Joey Janela vs. Marty Jannetty

  • Joey going full Shawn Michaels with the posing during his introduction.
  • Marty Jannetty just dabbed.
  • Marty is patting the referee down.
  • Turnbuckle pose duel!
  • Janela knocks him down with a single forearm!
  • He's a bad, bad boy.
  • AIW's John Thorne says on commentary that he tried to book Marty Jannetty once and he demanded $200 in a shoebox.
  • Joey's head went into the ringpost and made a surprisingly bell-like sound.
  • A Twitter graphic has popped up mid-match, reminding us to follow Joey Janela.
  • JOEY'S TUNING UP THE BAND! SWEET CHIN MUSIC! REF BUMP! SHARPSHOOTER APPLIED!
  • HERE COMES... NOT EARL HEBNER! JOEY KNOCKS HIM OUT WITH A RIGHT!
  • IT'S ANOTHER REF! JOEY TOMBSTONES HIM!
  • ONE MORE! ANOTHER PUNCH!
  • HOW MANY REFS DO THEY HAVE? JOEY HIT A PILEDRIVER TO PLANT THIS ONE ON ONE OF THE OTHERS!
  • HERE'S EARL! JOEY'S CALLING FOR THE BELL!
  • EARL REFUSES TO MAKE THE CALL! JOEY SHOVES HIM! HEBNER KNOCKS HIM DOWN!
  • JANELA LAYS HEBNER OUT WITH AN ELBOW!
  • Oh my god Virgil is here in a silver helmet. He is kicking Joey's ass right now.
  • Marty ripped the mask off!
  • MARTY JANNETTY HIT A FLIP PILEDRIVER WHAT
  • This match. I just... yes.
  • Joey threw a chair in the ring.
  • SENTON ATOMICO THROUGH THE CHAIR!
  • ROCKER DROPPER ON THE CHAIR! JOEY JANELA LIVES!
  • SUPERKICK! IT'S OVER!

Joey Janela wins by pinfall with Sweet Chin Music.

  • Joey puts WWN on notice for not putting him on the poster!

Dan "the Beast" Severn vs. Matt Riddle

  • Riddle has his hair braided, he's not giving the Beast any advantage here.
  • Holy hell Severn has an entourage, all carrying title belts.
  • Bro probes but Beast blocks, awesome intense grappling.
  • Severn has him! Takedown!
  • Riddle rolls behind and nearly has him but they're right against the ropes.
  • Dan catches a leg kick but can't get an advantage out of it.
  • A second and he sits back into a heel hook but Matt gets the ropes!
  • German suplex! Belly to belly suplex off the ropes! The Beast is loose!
  • Bro stalling outside for a minute, catching a breather.
  • He comes back in with a big right but Severn's happy to go striking!
  • Dueling slap rushes!
  • Riddle's on the run and nearly gets caught by a Dragon sleeper.
  • Looking for an armbar but the Beast turns it into a pin.
  • Knee lifts against the ropes and Bro pushes him back with more slaps. Side headlock takeover!
  • Severn has to cover up but still blocks the armbar!
  • Dan with the takedown, kidney shots, Matt back in with slaps to the ribs.
  • Beast ducks a roundhouse and catches Riddle with a German suplex but Bro pops up!
  • Return German blocked and Dan throws him again but same result.
  • Knee strike into a German suplex!
  • Severn flagging a little but knees to the back, Dragon sleeper sunk in!
  • Bro flips out and through! Overhead elbows! BROMISSION!

Matt Riddle wins by submission with the Bromission.

  • LARRY LEGEND SAYS THEY'LL SEE US NEXT YEAR!

Overall

What an incredible show. Like, the joke was "look at this goofy show that Joey Janela is putting together", but holy hell did it ride the razor's edge of "yes, it's dumb, but it's also a really good wrestling show on the merits of being a wrestling show".

If you had to explain to aliens what pro wrestling is and why we love it, you would show them Joey Janela's Spring Break. Awesome blood and guts hardcore match? Check. Top shelf technical wrestling? Check. An overbooked thrill ride of a match that was still super entertaining? Check. A match that could have main evented an indie show anywhere in the world? Check. Wild stupid match with clowns and martial artists and invisible men? Check.

Check out the VOD on FloSlam when it goes up, folks. If ever there was a show you don't want to miss, this was it.

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