Kaiju Big Battel make their FloSlam debut tonight at 11:59PM Eastern with Civil Wars in Orlando, Florida, courtesy of the fine folks at the World Wrestling Network & FloSlam. So fuel up and be sure to come back to this thread to chat about it with the finest pro wrestling community on the internet while you watch, whether it's through the website, Roku channel, or whatever other device you may be tuning in on.
Here's a run-down of the card as announced, and we'll update with basic results here, too:
We are introduced to Slice O’Reilly (Northern Division) and Billy McGuirk (Southern Division), our hosts. The Civil War is about to get three-sided, as Billy promises a UK element!
The referee has hatched out of an egg-like structure in the middle of the ring.
Unicorn Party over #13 by pinfall with a diving splash. (Cosmic Monster Challenge Finals)
Multiple Dr.s Cube assault the referee after the match and one of them gets on the mic to tell Orlando to shut up and insult them for living in a swamp. He asks Unicorn Party how he got a t-shirt, he’s been here for like five minutes and Dr. Cube hasn’t had a new shirt in years! He’s going to make his Unicorn Party look more like a Lemon Party.
Billy is hungry and Slice cuts an advertisement/promo for Bareburger.
Burger Bear vs. Unibouzu goes to a no contest after Cycloptopus interferes.
Bear Ranger & Burger Bear over Cycloptopus & Unibouzu by pinfall with a maneuver. (Tornado Tag Match)
Super Wrong brings a piece of a machine and Unicorn Party, Bear Ranger, and another Kaiju have the rest of the pieces. The machine will eliminate the extra Dr.s Cube! Oh no, the machine isn’t working! Super Wrong left the manual behind in his car, Unicorn Party’s gonna go get it.
Oh no, a Dr. Cube! And several more! One of them is hanging back as the others advance, and then a stream of Cubes starts pouring out, including no less than two Sexy Dr. Cubes. They swarm the ring, Super Wrong doesn’t stand a chance! They beat him down and destroy the machine!
The real Cube cuts a promo about the Civil Wars and says he can’t just be Crisis on Infinite Earths’d, but it is KBB that will get retconned. Cube starts needling the other cubes, calling one stupid, mocking the idea of a lady Cube, saying one is from a parallel universe with nothing but reggaeton on the radio, and so on.
Dissent spreads among the cubes as Billy points out that if they stick around reality will collapse, and sort of a Dr. Cube Battle Royal breaks out. Super Wrong brings a crocodile in the ring and cleans house on the last few Cubes but finds himself chokeslammed into the mat.
Unicorn Party is back with the manual but he’s not looking up from it! He looks up and goes wild on the Cubes... MOONSAULT WITH A CROCODILE! But all is lost when one of the Sexy Cubes distracts him and lets the other two chase him up the entrance ramp.
This marks our intermission.
Back from intermission, we’re going to crown new Tandem Title Champions!
Hell Monkey & Su Yung over Power Rangeroo & Silver Potato by retrieval of the... red... thing, winning the Tandem Titles! (Tower of Terror Match)
Slice has a super-special surprise that he’s heading to the back for!
He’s back out with a large box in a shopping cart. A puppet pops out of it, claiming to be new commissioner Louden Noxious. He looks a little different, but Dr. Cube gave him an operation.
The Grudyin over Dusto Bunny (c) by armfall with a Pedigree into peeps, winning the KBB Arm Wrestling Championship!
Billy has a surprise for us. He asks if we wonder what a Kaiju from the UK would look like. It is a corgi wearing a shark outfit. Joanna Rose is here to let us know that Britain is an island, and there’s a corgi island where corgis walk like people and this is the princess of the corgi people.
Northern Team (American Beetle, Choker, Kung Fu Chicken Noodle, Pedro Plantain, & Steam-Powered Tentacle Boulder) vs. Southern Division (Gambling Bug, Paco Plantain, the Scab, Trap, & Tucor) (Elimination Flag Match)
Pedro and Paco eliminate each other by rolling out of the ring.
Steam-Powered Tentacle Boulder eliminates the Scab!
Steam-Powered Tentacle Boulder is then eliminated by, uh, something.
Gambling Bug eliminates Choker by pinfall with a chokeslam.
At this point Ophidian has showed up and it’s more of a dance party than a match.
American Beetle eliminates Trap and... captures his own flag? I see, he and Tucor are having a flag duel.
Tucor places the flag in the holder but it falls out! A second try...
Southern Division wins by flag capture.
Slice and Billy shake hands to close the show.