TNA Impact returned last night (Mar. 23) with their third episode from the last set of tapings. You can find all the results at the live blog here.
She-eeeeeeeit
(Thanks Mayor Clay Davis for allowing me to use his catchphrase as my heading.)
And your main event for the evening: Karen Jarrett!
Yup, you all knew it was going to happen. In a show where nothing exciting happened at all, they main evented with Karen friggin’ Jarrett. They made a big deal about the return of the mysterious “she” all night and here it was. Babyface Karen Jarrett coming back. If you had “Week 3” in your office pool on when we’d see a Jarrett on TV, congratulations.
She talked to Jeremy Borash about how her family put blood, sweat, and tears in the company. But then she talked about moving forward to the future. She was finally interrupted by Ethan Carter.
EC3 spoke some truth, talking about how he’s already been making Impact great and he’s going to continue to do so but not for her last name, but his. Casting EC3 as a heel is great. But if they’re casting him as a heel because he’s still kayfabe Dixie’s cousin and they’re going to use this to cast her as the villain via EC3, that’s not great. Especially if the Jarretts really want to move forward instead of look back like Karen spoke.
Then Josh Mathews gets involved.
Yup, this main event had Josh Mathews too. And what’s worse, while playing the uber shithead heel he is, he spoke truth! He talked about how we shouldn’t all be bending over backwards to welcome her back. He talked about how he doesn’t care for the three headed monster of Bruce Pritchard, Dutch Mantell, and Jeff Jarrett and how he suspects the Jarretts to be out of Impact sooner than later. He said that his wife has forgotten more about the Knockouts than Karen ever knew.
Yes, I agreed with pretty much everything Josh Mathews, the super obnoxious heel said. It made me feel so dirty that I had to take a shower before writing this.
And the finale: Karen Jarrett slapped Josh Mathews! That was Impact’s ending!
After Josh Mathews has been a heel all year (and inadvertently all last year) who gets the first comeuppance on him? Karen Jarrett. Should that surprise you? No. But it shouldn’t instill any real faith either.
To recap, we had a main event of Karen Jarrett as the big babyface return. We had EC3 as a pseduo heel, maybe because his last name is Carter. Then not only did we have to listen to Josh Mathews’ gravely heel voice but he spoke truth. And it’s Karen Jarrett, who just returned, who gets to put Mathews in his place.
It call came off as... Clay Davis what’s the term? Thanks.
Elevating the tag division
Reno Scum defeated Decay tonight when Rosemary accidentally misted Steve and Reno Scum took advantage.
While I love Decay, I don’t mind them losing. TNA needs to bolster their tag division. Decay is established. Giving Reno Scum a win over them elevates them and in turn elevates the division as a whole. As long as Rosemary accidentally misting Steve isn’t the beginning of a Decay break up, and we don’t have real reason to think that since they’ve done that spot before, this is all good.
This is the first match that really got to show off the unique, punk style Reno Scum. I didn’t realize how big Luster the Legend was until he stood toe to toe with Abyss and only gave up a few inches. He’s the impressive big man while Adam Thornstowe is the quicker man. They’re a unique looking team and so far look to be a good addition to TNA.
And of course, Decay still rules. It’s good to see Rosemary getting in on the action, whether beating down Thornstowe on the outside when the ref is distracted or being gorilla pressed by Luster out of the ring onto Abyss.
Deconstruction of DCC
LAX defeated the DCC this week and served to do two things.
First off, it was meant to show off LAX as a tag team, and more specifically the younger Ortiz and Santana who are serving as the in ring talent. The other three (Konnan, Homicide, and Diamante) didn’t even get involved while at ringside. These two are a fun team to watch, much like other new talent brought in. Plenty of people watching TNA now probably weren’t watching in the days of LAX. In fact, I’m one of those people. So it’s smart for them to show us LAX and try to prove that these are people we shouldn’t take lightly. And they’re doing a good job of it. They dominated DCC in this match.
The other mission was to not just to continue breaking up the DCC, but to start the directions of the members after, specifically James Storm.
Storm took all the damage in this match and outside a brief tag in from Bram (which did not last long) was responsible for all of the offense. It got the crowd behind him. However, another Kingston miscue cost the team the win and Storm had had enough. He walked out on his mates. DCC looks to be at least close to done while they’ve started to build Storm back up as the big deal he once was.
Garbage
ODB returned, defeated the also returning Rebel in a very bad segment.
Throughout the match, the heel Rebel kept threatening to slap referee Earl Hebner but never did. The third time she threatened to, old ass Hebner grabbed her hand, put on her cowboy hat, and then forced a kiss on her. Why? Because talent threatened to slap him but never did? An old man forcing a kiss on an unwilling woman isn’t a pop spot. It’s sexual assault. And for all of those ready to come at me that I’m exaggerating, it is the actual definition of sexual assault. (That is something I don’t want to have to go find writing my review of wrestling.)
Later on, ODB forced a kiss onto Hebner, which is the same damn thing.
This is the shit that Impact should be distancing themselves from and not using as their comedy spots. TNA, do us all a favor and rip this page out of your playbook, throw it in the trash, set the trash on fire, and then shoot the flaming trash into space just to make sure you don’t see it again.
International Showcase
They had a 6 man tag to showcase some new and old talent. Laredo Kid, Garza Jr, and Mahabali Shera defeated newcomers Idris Abraham and Monster Factory tag champs Fallah Bahh & Mario Bokara.
While I was ready to toss this off as a pointless 6-man, and I suppose it technically was, it was a cool showcase of new talent. Laredo Kid and Garza Jr. continue to look impressive, but I was most impressed with Fallah Bahh who looks like a friggin’ sumo wrestler. When he hit a flying crossbody on Laredo Kid, I just assumed he killed him. Mahabali Shera was just the hot tag, but he looked crisp during his brief action.
I wouldn’t mind TNA using a match a night to showcase indie talent from other promotions as just a showcase.
Lashley
They played a couple sit down interviews between Bobby Lashley and Bruce Pritchard where we learn a bit about Lashley. He told a story about the time that he almost got shot during a bank robbery but injured his knee, keeping him out of the Olympics. I looked it up and apparently it’s a true story. Didn’t know that.
Then he squashed some dude later.
It’s good to get to know Lashley, but the main event title angle was sorely under represented on Impact tonight. It was just these two short interviews and a squash match. But at least we got that Karen Jarrett main event, huh?
Moose Hunting
Moose was scheduled to face Eli Drake for the Grand Championship. However, Cody (Rhodes) attacked him with a chair prior to the match. He then delivered a Cross Rhodes on the ramp, leaving his rival laying. The match did not happen.
Not much to say here. Cody’s obsessions with Moose continue. Brandi tried to stop him but can’t seem to make a difference in her husbands actions. The feud is fine I suppose, but I have trouble really caring about it.
Heel Wolf
Davey Richards defeated Suicide in a match showcasing his new heel persona. They’ve changed up his outfit, trading the pants for tights and rocking a black vest. His demeanor is more douchey too. However, the big change was his incredibly in your face PDA with his wife Angelina Love. If you want to get people to hate you, taking a pause in the match to kiss your wife in an over the top fashion will do it.
Pros of the Show:
- Tag team focus
- Cool international showcase
Cons of the Show:
- The Karen Jarrett main event where the alignments were completely wrong
- Earl Hebner forcing himself on a woman
- The lack of any main event story (or really any other story) progression
There were things I liked on this show, such as the tag action, but none of them were major points. In fact, this show felt like a bunch of midcard acts with no main event to be seen. There was no major story forwarded and the TNA title picture was pretty much absent unless you consider the briefest Lashley squash.
Usually, I grade the show based on the most impactful stuff but there was little of that tonight. The biggest segment was the Karen Jarrett main event and that wasn’t good. Plus, it was very soon after that horrible Hebner segment towards the end of the show, which tanked a show that was underwhelming but enjoyable prior.
Grade: D+
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