Total Divas Finale Recap: The Honor of Your Presence is Ru-quested

...for another spectacular episode of Total Divas, but alas -€” all good things must come to a mid-season end.

You Know What That Means

Dean Ambrose Vs. Aliens:

Ho-ly moly, you guys. Dean's personality exploded this episode and it was everything.

The draft is approaching but Renee and Dean are heading to Toronto (friendly reminder that Renee is Canadian) for a few days to celebrate Renee's birthday week and hang out with her family.

I feel compelled here to note that my girl's bday is in September (I am such a good BFF) and on the show they are talking about the draft being "right around the corner" but we can roll with this. It's worth it.

Renee tells Nattie that Dean has met her family before at shows but this is a big opportunity as they're all staying in a house together for the weekend and she wants her family to love him.

Renee (talking head): People often think that Dean is a crazy person, but he has this other side to him where he's so sweet. I know he's a little rough around the edges but that's what I love about him and of course I want my family to love him as much as I love him!

Nattie advises that Dean needs to pull himself together to make a good impression and find "a happy medium between Prince William and Sasquatch -€” maybe Ryan Gosling." I don't care how you get there Nattie but Ryan Gosling will do just fine.

Renee is driving to Toronto because Dean tells her "I don't drive in Canada."


Renee: I'm just trying to get you ready for when we eventually move to Toronto.

Dean shoots a confused glance over at her

Renee: We could eventually at some point live in Canada!

Dean: If the United States of America gets taken over by aliens, I may, consider, maybe, moving to Vancouver.

Renee: Damn! Better lose that attitude before we go hang out with my whole Canadian family!


Dean: Do you think there's going to be tension and division between you and your mom?

Renee (glances over, puzzled): Why?

Dean: When she tries to steal me away from you. I know mothers.

Renee: You think you're more charming than you actually are.

Dean (scoffs): Yeah okay.

Do You Take This RuRu?

Maryse, Eva, Lana, Dana Brooke, and Renee are working out aggressively. Lana's wedding is quickly approaching and she's contemplating getting elephants because Rusev loves him some elephants.

Maryse exclaims "you've got to be kidding me!" and covers her mouth as if she is about to vomit. Unaware, Lana carries on about how she might even get two elephants! It'll fit perfectly with her carnival/circus wedding theme! Maryse asks her if she was aware of how elephants are abused. Lana states she won't be treating them that way, but Maryse rejects that excuse, informing her that the animals she's getting have been treated that way.

Maryse (talking head): Animals are everything to me. That elephant has been abused its entire life, so basically you want to put that old elephant into a truck, to go to your wedding, so you can take a selfie with it? What's wrong with you?

As the kids say, YAS QUEEN SLAY.

Lana offers up a weak argument about Maryse's leather boots. In Lana's talking head, she says she would do anything to make Rusev happy and "it's my wedding, it's my day." Dana Brooke pulls Lana aside telling her "you do what you want. If you want an elephant, get an elephant."

Later that evening at Monday Night Raw, Maryse pulls Miz aside and tells him she loves Rusev and Lana, but she will not be going to their wedding if there is an elephant. Miz says he obviously won't go either.

Maryse (talking head): We can't just let people do whatever they want when they want all the time, even if it is a wedding.

Why are they heels? Good for you, Maryse.

Miz tells Maryse how good she looks and she questions if he likes how her hair is styled (sleek ponytail).

Miz, will you please tell her her hair looks sexy pulled back?

Rusev is floating around their pool at home in Nashville and Lana is lounging nearby, watching a video on how elephants are mistreated that Maryse sent her. Lana admits Maryse is right. Lana asks Rusev about getting the flower arch for the wedding. She's always wanted a flower arch at her wedding, and Rusev is adamant that they're not worth spending money on. Lana argues "memories are for a lifetime!"

A few days later, the Rusevs are having a pre-wedding pool party in Malibu and Nikki is the first cast member to arrive. Rusev tells Lana he has a surprise for and "it's really cool, you're going to love it." Lana, still stuck on her dream flower arch, thinks that's what the surprise is going to be.

While greeting Brie & Bryan, Nikki pipes up "by the way, sick Lamborghini!" The group turns around to see an orange Lambo parked in the driveway.

Rusev: There goes my surprise.

Nikki: Wait is this yours?

Lana: Wait what? You got this?

Rusv: Yes. What is a groom without a present for himself?

Lana's miffed that he wouldn't agree to a flower arch, but he rented this Lamborghini for himself.

Rusev: What's the matter? It's a surprise. You're supposed to be happy. Yay! We're getting married, why are you upset?


Dean Ambrose vs. Hygiene

When they are at the house awaiting her family's arrival, Renee comes down from getting ready and finds Dean just sitting at the counter eating sushi. She flies into a tizzy telling him her mom is minutes away and he needs to shower and get changed. Dean argues that he has showered, he has changed AND he has ordered sushi! Triple Crown! Renee is unconvinced but beseeches him to at least fix his hair.

Dean: By ‘fix' you imply that something is wrong!

Dean is amused that his ladybird is so wound up.

Renee (talking head): My mom is five minutes away, Dean has not showered, his hair looks all greasy and messy. I can't have my mom walk in the door and be like ‘oh do you need five dollars? Who is this hobo that's been let into this beautiful home?'


Dean: We're gonna be one big happy freaking Canadian family eating poutine!

Renee is still fretting when the doorbell rings so Dean agrees to let her put hair gel in his hair.

Dean: Watch me charm the pants off this woman!

Renee is amused by Dean's confidence and tells him he can be in charge of greeting her family while she finishes getting ready. "The Dude" flings open the door to his Dudette's mom.

Dean: Finally! The vision of beauty that I've been dreaming about all day!

He presents Renee's mom with flowers AND beer. What a greeting! Renee comes back downstairs and they head out to the back patio of their rental. Dean cheerily comments how happy he is to be hanging out with "My beautiful girlfriend and her sister! It's just so hard to tell you guys apart!"

The charm of Ambrose! Drink it in, Mooooooooooommmmmmmmm.

The two women are discussing how they will give Dean a great Toronto experience, and bungee jumping off the side of the CN Tower is brought up. Renee's mom Carole said she would do it.

Renee: Neither one of you would do that!

Dean: Half of my job description is jumping off things and crashing. Maybe me and your mom will be Thelma and Louise just go right over the cliff.

Renee: You know they died in the end, right?

Dean: They didn't have a bungee cord!

You May Now Kiss the Bulgarian

A few hours later, Lana rants to Nikki that she doesn't understand why Rusev got the Lamborghini and admits they've been arguing a lot about the wedding, including Lana's reluctance to take Rusev's last name. Rusev feels very strongly about her taking on his name. Lana wonders why everything has to be Rusev's way because her last name is a part of her.

Good ol' Nikki: I think it's special, maybe because I'm a girl who doesn't have that. I wish that I could be with a Cena with him because it just means we're one.

Oh John why?

In her talking head, Nikki says Rusev and Lana should have been talking about this and that they have a lot to figure out in 24 hours.

Dean Ambrose Vs. Drunk Assholes:

Oh yes it's that scene you've heard so much about!

The next day, Renee and Dean are joined at dinner by her parents, brother, and sister-in-law, for a lovely Toronto dinner outside. A passerby walks by and plucks Renee's hat right off her head, which she reacts to with a startled yelp. It takes but a moment for it to sink in what has happened, but when it does Ambrose takes action.

Dean throws down his fork and leaps over the fence, chasing the thieves. Renee runs through the restaurant to eventually follow him outside shouting "Dean! Dean! Dean!"

Dean catches up to the thieves and Renee and her dad have made it outside as well to run interference. Thief 1 stupidly puts his hand on Dean which enrages Dean and the thief immediately realizes his lethal mistake and backs off apologizing to our hero.

Dean to the thieves: You're just having a real fun night, aren't ya?

Renee is pleading with Dean and trying to remove him from the situation.

Dean: Nice hat you have there!

The thieves walk away and Dean follows them, stalking his prey, and retrieves the hat.

Renee (talking head): Obviously this is some drunk guy, saw all the cameras around, wanted to be on TV, thought he was going to have a good time, but Dean goes off on this person!

shining jeans

Dean: Say ‘I'm a drunk asshole and I apologize!'

Thief 1: I'm a drunk asshole and I apologize.

Dean: Alright, now get the f*ck out of here!

Dean. F*cking. Ambrose.

Robin Hat for the win. Hit his music (may I remind you, it is fittingly titled "Retaliation") because the babyface just went over!

Or does he?

Renee is horrified by his behavior and rebukes him.

Renee: My family thinks you're this psychopath (um, ouch) and now you just added another layer on top of that. Are we supposed to just go sit back down at a table with my family and go ‘Anyway! So, uh, what do you guys want to do after this?'

Dean: That's what I'm going to do.

Renee (talking head): He has zero restraint, and to have my family all sit there and be like ‘This is what we've seen on TV.' I am so horrified by this.

Dean sits back down and immediately starts shooting the breeze with Renee's family. Dean ponders what they should do after they finish their meal, declaring it's a perfect evening, but Renee is still bothered and wants to go home. Dean points out that it's early and a beautiful night, but Renee ain't feeling it. Dean and Carole (her mom) head out to the bar.

Cleared for Drafting:

Nikki and John are at dinner recalling how far she has come since her neck surgery. Nikki has a cat scan coming up where she is fervently hoping the results are good. Mr. Psycho Recovery tells her she's going to be fine. Nikki says when she comes back, she wants to wrestle John. He tells her that her mind will be blown if she wrestles him.

Nikki: I want you to hit me with your finisher.

Cena (deadpan): I try every night.

She trots off to get her scans done and shows up a few days later for the results. The good doc enters and says "I wish John was here or your mother" and Nikki's face falls, immediately assuming it's bad news, but he goes on to say her scans look good and it's safe to come back.

Nikki is beyond ecstatic, all that's left is for WWE to clear her. She's looking forward to being drafted and wonders what side she'll go to. She catches up at lunch with Nattie, and Nattie is so excited to hear that Nikki's been cleared. Nikki's ready to get back in the swing of things for the upcoming draft, and Nikki tell Nattie she wants to be the one who decides when her career is over, not an injury.

Nikki shows up to the performance center and meets with WWE's head trainer. She starts running the ropes and discovers that she feels like a beginner again and needs to get back to in-ring shape.

Dean Ambrose Vs. A Stool

Renee finds her man and her mom sitting at the bar tossing back shots and she tells them it's time to go home. Every party has a pooper. As they make their way out of the bar, Dean announces he wants to show Carole a game he plays called "Human Frogger" and feigns leaping in front of traffic, boasting that he's never been hit once.

The next day in Toronto, they make their way to a bar. Renee whispers to Dean that he needs to tone it down. I feel it is essential to note he has a lollipop. In her talking head, she says he needs to get it together. Carole asks her ‘why are you being so mean?' They leave the bar, and the mom/daughter duo decide to pop into the store, leaving Dean sitting on a bench.

Carole is basically like 'Um, what the hell is going on?'

Renee: I'm not mad at him, I just need him to chill out a little bit.

Carole: Well that's not much fun for him

Renee: I'm bringing him to hang out with my family and all he's doing is being eccentric and crazy, he's being too much, trying to do shots, we're all partying and having a good time, and then you're following suit and doing that-

Carole: I do that anyway!

Now we know where Renee gets her cool from.

Renee doesn't want her family to enjoy it in the moment then a week later wonder why Dean was behaving that way. Carole tells her daughter to not make Dean feel that he can't be himself in order to impress them, and tells her how impressed she was that Dean ran after the guy and "you could never ask for a better guy than that."

Meanwhile, outside the store...Dean is swiveling around on a stool. He nearly falls off then pops back up to proclaim "high quality stool! plywood!" For his next trick, he starts playing drums on this bench waving to passersby who are surely admiring his sick beats.

Back at the house, Renee pulls Dean aside for a heart to heart. She starts scratching his back, and goes for the wristlock to turn him around so she can apologize to his face, but Dean claims he's more receptive when he's getting his back scratched. She apologizes for taking the wind out of his sails and admits she needs to pay more attention to what she is asking of him.

Renee: I'm sorry I was so uptight about the whole thing.

Dean: Yeah, ‘cause it turns out me and your mom are, like, best friends.

He goes for the headlock and they perform some playful #grappling.

Renee (talking head): He's this unique person and he's so true to being himself, I love that about him.

Renee: Don't German me!

Yep. Dean Ambrose German suplexes Renee onto a bed and goes for the cover.

They head back outside where the bottles are popped and they celebrate Renee's birthday.

To Have and to Matchka:

Rusev and Lana pull up to their rehearsal dinner in the notorious Lamborghini.

Nikki is telling the group about getting back in the ring and showing them video of her hitting the ropes.

Nikki: Put me on Monday Night Raw or Smackdown I don't even care, I just want to get back into the action.

Rusev comes over to the Bellas with a little girl who is a big fan of the twins and watches WWE all the time.

Lana's dad is a pastor and welcomes all the guests to the rehearsal dinner, saying it's an honor to welcome everyone, then goes on to say "We're going to eat together salads" and Rusev pipes up with a very manly "And meat after that!"

Rehearsal Dinner

Rusev/Lana, Dean/Renee, Brie/Bryan convene together on the couch with Brie saying they're going to close the joint down. Nattie strolls up and she fake wrestles with Dean.

Dad Bryan to Rusev: You guys aren't spending the night together are you?

Rusev: I have nowhere else to sleep!

Bryan: What do you mean? No! You guys have to sleep in separate rooms!

Rusev: It's okay we're not going to do anything.

Traditionalist Bryan: No! No that's not the point. You can't see her tomorrow! The first time you see her is when she is walking down the aisle, okay?

Nattie glumly comments that it could be one of the group's last opportunities to all hang out together with the brand extension looming and everyone getting split up.

Rusev announces he's going to bed and Dean helpfully reminds him not to be nervous for tomorrow because "The good thing is if you screw up, you get to do it again in like two weeks" referring to Rusev and Lana's next wedding which is taking place in Bulgaria.

The Elephant In The Room

Lana is getting ready for her Big Day and a present arrives. The accompanying card reads "Elephants symbolize strength, patience, wisdom, cooperative spirit, longevity and all those are the qualities a marriage needs to last a lifetime. Congratulations! Love, Maryse and Mike."

And it's elephant figurines. Damn, Maryse is so cool.

Lana: Rusev is obsessed with elephants. Our whole house is elephant paintings!

Lana is reminded that she was debating getting elephants for her fiancé, and he wouldn't even get her a flower arch. That damn flower arch.

Will You Take This RuRu

It's almost wedding time! Our groom is chilling in his shades and remarks "I feel like I have a match or something."

Maryse and Miz show up after all!

There is a slight delay and Lana, waiting with her dad for her music to hit, says aloud "let me just get my brain ready" for her big march.

Go time! And now America, put your hand over your heart, and welcome the Ravishing Russian Bride!

She threads her arm through her dad's and as they turn the corner, there it is. A beautiful flower arch under which her groom is standing. RuRu came through! Lana gasps. The flower arch is perfect and it's exactly what she wanted.

As his bride drifts toward him, Rusev proclaims "Wow!" Turns out Lana's dad is pulling double duty and officiating the wedding.

Because I am a hopeless romantic, may I present to you, the Vows of Rusev:

"If you were to tell me about finding a soulmate before I met you, I would have thought it was like a fake thing that people say just to say it. Now I know what it means. It means someone who gets you, who listens to you, who understands you, and doesn't annoy you as much as other people. Or, in this case, it's somebody like you that talks my ear off. But I don't mind it because you're my best friend and my soulmate, and I'd rather listen to you than anybody else. I know you tend to worry about what can go wrong, but from now on, I'll be there, and I'll be the one worrying instead of you. So you can put all your burdens on me. This is the happiest day of my life."

If you ain't crying, you be lying.

Lana is emotional in her vows and quotes Corinthians -€” love is patient, love is kind -€” and she weeps "you're always so patient with me, you're always so kind." She ends her vows by telling him she's taking his last name and Rusev breaks into a huge smile.

Poor Lana's dad goes to announce them for the recessional and absolutely mangles Rusev's last name. Rusev tries to walk him through it syllable by syllable until Rusev just grabs the mic and takes care of business. As they walk up the aisle...

Rusev: You're so pretty!

Lana: You're so pretty!

flower arch
Introducing Mr. & Mrs RuRu:

The circus / carnival spectacle is open! The cast are playing carnival games and winning prizes. Maryse poses for a picture with an elephant statue. Nattie and Nikki are catching up with the groom.

Nattie: Both you guys love each other for your imperfections.

Rusev: Yeah. Hey, you gotta fill the holes, you know?

Nikki: You do.

Rusev: I mean, not like....... yeah.

Nikki: But then you gotta do that too, you know.

Rusev: You guys!!


Lana is thrilled all her crazy ideas came together. Rusev takes the mic to point out that the DJ pronounced his name correctly, unlike Lana's dad. His new father-in-law plays it off well saying they have many years ahead to figure it out.

Rusev SMASH CAKE IN LANA FACE then says merrily ‘Let's drink!'

In the middle of the reception, Nikki gets an email from WWE. She calls it "the worst email" and she "doesn't even have words right now." She cannot be a part of the draft. Nikki is upset and says she doesn't understand because she's been cleared and feels ready to go. Bryan points out she's coming off a huge neck surgery, and asks her if she'd feel comfortable going to wrestle a full-time schedule tomorrow. Nikki sees his point, and Brie/Bryan encourage her to keep working toward her goal.

The day of the draft dawns!

Eva notes no one has any security going into the draft, questioning "if you don't get drafted, then what?"

Paige talking head: With the whole draft, I'm completely petrified because I have no idea if I'm ever going to wrestle again. So being in this position right now is definitely the scariest moment of my life.


Closing remarks:

-Congratulations, Rusev & Lana! All our best fishes. May your love remain beautiful like Rusev's quads. May your bond be as tight as the Accolade. May you #RusevCrush marriage. May your matchka be good forever and ever.

-And that's a mid-season wrap!! Spec-freaking-tacular half season. Thanks for reading Cagesiders. It has been a most fun experience.

-The show returns in April!

And one last time...

Did Dean Ambrose Appear: Yeah-oh and holy shit what an appearance.

Did I Follow 2Pawz on Instagram Yet: I did. Congrats, cat!

Is Renee Young My BFF yet: No. Hope springs eternal.

Now a curious bout Cageside Caitlyn be curious so plz communicate in the comments. Who was your.....

1. Favorite Female Cast Member

My vote: Renee (for the record, #2 and #3 are Maryse and Eva)

2. Breakout Cast Member (Male and Female)

My vote: Maryse & Rusev

3. Greatest Couple

My vote: Dean & Renee (followed closely by Miz & Maryse)

Just like the good brothers from Japan always say...TD 4 Life.

The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Cageside Seats readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Cageside Seats editors or staff.