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The hottest free agent in sports entertainment loaded the family up in the single-wide and drove them from West Virginia to Lincoln, Nebraska, just so he could introduce the family to the WWE Universe.

For reasons I’m quite sure I don’t understand, this five minutes of brilliance from Heath Slater, his tag partner Rhyno, (current right now) wife Beulah and seven kids was relegated to the internet rather than a place on the SmackDown Live broadcast tonight (Sept. 5).

Doesn’t matter. As long as we got the chance to meet the family, like oldest son Roscoe, whose mother Heath met at the family reunion when he was 15. Or the twins, John and Justin, born four days apart (the Slaters joke they got Justin “just in case” something happens to his older brother). And sweet, sweet Mary Lou, born without a tongue.

Don’t worry, when Heath wins those tag belts, the first thing he’s gonna do is get Mary Lou fixed up so she can say anything she wants.

And of course, Uncle Rhyno, trying to avoid being touched by Beulah. Or any of the Slaters, actually.

WWE on YouTube

I don’t know about you, but I want to be adopted into this amazing family.