Lucha Underground Recap (July 6, 2016): A Unique Screw Job

Last night (July 6, 2016) marked the very beginning of Lucha Underground’s Ultima Lucha Dos and it’s all focused on the Unique Opportunity Tournament.

Mack defeats Cage in a street fight in the first round of the Unique Opportunity tournament.

Dario Cueto is a man of nostalgia and he loved last year’s Falls Count Anywhere match between these two men that opened Ultima Lucha. Because of that he decided to do it again this year. And it was tight. The men used a variety of weapons - garbage can lids, the garbage can, stop signs, piñatas, a wrench. Needless to say, there was a certain level of brutality.

The big spot was when Cage hit a frog splash from the seats onto Cage who was set up on a table on the floor. However, that wasn’t even enough to put the Machine away. What was? A slippery floor.

That’s the beauty of the Temple. You can think you have it all under control. But the Temple is quick to remind you that you don’t. Cage called back to last year by grabbing a cinderblock like he used last year to defeat Mack via curb stomp. However, when he set up the move that brought him victory last year, he slipped on the beer that Mack spit out when he hit a stunner earlier on. This lead to a roll up pin for the Mack. A roll up win in a hardcore street fight. The Temple is always full of surprises.

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Son of Havoc defeats Texano in a Boyle Heights Bar Fight in the first round of the Unique Opportunity tournament.

There was no way that Dario Cueto was going to have these two have a regular match after Mack and Cage tore it up with a sick street fight. So he did a lil stereotyping and said that when he thinks about Cowboys and Bikers, he thinks about bar fight. (In his defense, Texano already has had a bar fight that we’ve seen so he’s not too far off.) Because of that, Dario made this bar fight match. And yes, there was a small bar set up outside the ring. (I like to think that he always has a portable bar on hand and this was a spur of the moment decision for Dario.)

Pretty much everything that could be broken was, including possibly Havoc’s testicles when Texano positioned a closed steel chair upright between the legs of a sitting Havoc and slammed another chair into that chair. That hurt to watch.

But that didn’t slow Havoc long enough, who sent Texano straight through the glass bar. He then set up some broken glass in the ring and then stomped Texano into it and then kicked him into it again when he got up. He was probably still upset about that genital assault.

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Son of Havoc defeats Mack in the finals in a Falls Count Anywhere match

Dario Cueto made this a falls count anywhere match in order to make this bigger. However, the two guys in the match did things their way. There were no brutal beatings like in the prior two matches. Instead, these men went classic Lucha Underground and had a fun high flying affair.

Who could say why. Maybe it was because they prefer this style. Maybe it was because they had just been through hardcore battles and they didn’t want to again. Or maybe they just wanted to stick it to Dario for once. The end result was we all got a fun lucha match that Havoc ended up winning with a Shooting Star Press.

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Dario enters the ring with Black Lotus, who has two briefcases. He says that in one briefcase is $250,000. In the other case, there's a contract for Lucha Underground championship match NEXT YEAR at Ultima Lucha Tres. Havoc can choose one.

Havoc doesn't even think about it. He takes the case with the contract. It’s then Dario springs on Son of Havoc the stipulation that he needs to win one more match. If his opponent wins, that person will win the money. If Havoc wins, he gets to keep the contract.

Famous B is walks to the top of the stops. He introduces his newest client: Dr. Wagner Jr., who both Striker and Vampiro tout his many accolades in Mexican wrestling.

Dr. Wagner Jr defeats Son of Havoc to win the $250,000.

I think with how cool Dario Cueto can be, with his charisma, and the "Dario is my homeboy" bit that we sometimes forget that he’s kind of a douchebag. El Jefe set up an entire extra day of Ultima Lucha just to screw over some guy.

It’s obvious that none of the guys in the Unique Opportunity match were going to take the money. Cage, Texano, and Mack would have all jumped at the chance to main event the big show next year. He made all the matches as brutal as he could in order to make sure all these men were drained by the time they had to fight in a third unannounced match. (The only reason Havoc had anything left to fight back against Dr. Wagner was likely because he and Mack decided to do things their way and not go hardcore in the finals.) Then after these men have beat themselves senseless for an unknown opportunity, he makes them face lucha veteran (and Famous B’s new client) Dr. Wagner Jr.

Maybe it’s because Dario was so busy trying to regain control of his temple and then right the ship when he got back, that he didn’t get to take the time for himself to torture people for his amusement. Looks like he got the chance to here. Yeah, he’s kind of a jerk.

But I totally still love him.

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We’ll be back next week with the second night of Ultima Lucha Dos!