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Often during election season, a politician will ask in a big crowd if they were better off than they were a year ago. Chances are unless you're in the so-called "one percent", or were seriously downtrodden, or experienced a positive significant life event, your answer is probably no.
How is this related to this match, you're probably asking? Well, it was around this time a year ago that the women's roster got a much needed shakeup. The introductions of Charlotte, Sasha Banks, and Becky Lynch was to be the start of a new era in WWE, one in which the WWE would take its female roster as seriously as the men's. Have they?
Well... no. I mean, yeah for a few weeks when the whole world was watching, but all indications are that we're pretty much in the same spot regarding the ladies as a year ago, just with the names changed. So I ask again: are you better off now than you were a year ago? For the ladies of the WWE, the answer: probably no.
Now that I got that rant out of the way, let's introduce the ladies that will be facing off.
WHO?
Ashley Fleihr, aka Charlotte. Age 30. 5'10", 144 pounds from Charlotte, North Carolina. Current WWE Women's Champion. Last WWE Diva's Champion. Daughter of a wrestler. Brother of a wrestler. Once married a wrestler. Also trained by Lodi. Yeah. THAT LODI. He was the sign guy of the Flock. From WCW. Four-time volleyball champion in high school. Graduated from NC State with a degree in public relations. Personal trainer in a past life. Horsewoman. Once a BFF. Genetic freak, not normal.
Mercedes Kaestner-Varnado, aka Sasha Banks. Age 24. 5'5", 114 lbs. from Fairfield, California. Eventually landed in Boston, Massachusetts, where she wrestled on the independent circuit as Mercedes KV. Cousin of Snoop Dogg, who is a WWE Hall of Famer for some reason. Trained by Hanson, who was an ROH tag team champion once. Loves Sailor Moon. Also really loves Eddie Guerrero. Did a tribute to Eddie Guerrero at Wrestlemania which Chavo Guerrero didn't like for some reason. Was at the Eddie Guerrero tribute show, which was when she found out her favorite wrestler died. Ouch. NXT Women's Champion in a past life. Probably the best female wrestler in the world, even though Pro Wrestling Illustrated doesn't think so. Once a BFF. Boss.
Ashley Mae Sebera, aka Dana Brooke. Age 27. 5'3", 125 pounds from Seven Hills, Ohio, population 11,804. Once a diver. Once a gymnast. Once a fitness model and bodybuilder. Still a fitness model and bodybuilder, probably. Henchwoman for hire. Once was a henchwoman for Emma, then Emma hurt her back. Henchwoman for Charlotte because reasons. Likes to pat people on their heads for some reason. I mean, it's weird.
WHY ARE THEY FIGHTING?
Primarily to give Sasha and Charlotte something to do until their very inevitable Summerslam clash.
HISTORY
Well... turns out Sasha has not one, but two wins over Dana Brooke this month. But back on the 4th of July RAW (you know, the one you didn't watch probably), Sasha came at the queen, and... well, she missed.
I know what you're thinking, and you're probably right: haven't we seen this match already? Well, probably. We saw it on Tuesday. And it did not go well for the Boss.
Oh, by the way, that was Sasha's first pinfall defeat on television since joining the main roster.
THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION ON THE WRESTLING INTERNET: WHO IS SASHA'S PARTNER?
I think Sasha doesn't have one, (because, let's be honest: she burned her bridge with most every woman on the roster--kayfabe-wise, obviously) but this tweet from Saturday suggests otherwise:
Oh hello! I found a partner for #WWEBattleground it wasn't difficult to find someone who hates y'all @MsCharlotteWWE @DanaBrookeWWE
— $asha Bank$ (@SashaBanksWWE) July 23, 2016
No, seriously, she's got someone.
I got it covered #WWEBattleground @WWE_Ref123 pic.twitter.com/YcNnnxjhUJ
— $asha Bank$ (@SashaBanksWWE) July 21, 2016
But who is her partner? Whoever it is, let's hope she's Team Mystic too.
#TeamMystic must be boss, 'cause @SashaBanksWWE reps them on the daily in #PokemonGo! Who else runs w/ team blue? pic.twitter.com/IFPgcAOwXC
— UpUpDownDown (@UpUpDwnDwn) July 17, 2016
Actually, you know what: I know who her partner is. Seriously, I do.
What? Were you expecting someone else?
WHO WINS?
Honestly, it's inconsequential as the money bout will come a month from now. Who Sasha's partner is will be more important than the outcome of the match.
WINNER
But I got Sasha and her mystery partner... Bayley. Please for the love of God. Let it be Bayley.
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Join the best wrestling community in the galaxy this Sunday night at 7pm ET as we wildly speculate (and probably hate and/or look on in disappointment) as to what Creative does with Sasha's running buddy.