Lucha Underground recap (May 18, 2016): The gods must be gifty

Fade in.

We open with Dario Cueto shoving stacks of money into a bag in his office. You know, just normal Dario Cueto stuff. They Call Him Cage barges in, pissed off about Chavo stealing his medallion. Dario says Cage will have to deal with it before the match starts, because if Chavo puts the medallion in the Gift of the Gods belt, it's out of his hands. Interesting.

He tells They Call Him Cage to follow him to the ring and we cut to the Temple!

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Dario steps in the ring with the Machine close behind. He reminds everyone of the rules of the Gift of the Gods belt and match and says the Gift of the Gods match will happen TONIIIIIIIGGGGHHHTTT. He invites the medallion holders to come to the ring and lock in their morphin' coins.

Texano places his medallion without incident. Joey Ryan gets complemented on his street clothes by Dario and licks his medallion before placing it in. Dario goofs on Siniestro de la Muerte and drops a perfect "Spooky!" after the medallion is placed. Aero Star's medallion goes in and he bails. The Mack (in street clothes) gets a ton of hype man work from Dario that is just wonderful. Sexy Star shows up in street clothes as well and drops in her medallion. So there's only one medallion left: Cage's, which is in Chavo's possession.

Chavo finally arrives, steel chair in one hand and medallion in the other. He's looking pretty jacked. Cage stands in front of the Gift of the Gods, daring Chavo to get in the ring. Chavo finally does and Cage begins tanning his hide. He grabs the satchel, but there's a steel washer in it instead of a medallion. So Chavo hits Cage with a chair and places his medallion. So he's in the Gift of the Gods match!

Chavo gets hit with a lariat and Dario apologizes, but Chavo placed the medallion, fair and square. Cage hits his catchphrase, then obliterates Chavo with Weapon X.

By the way, I think Cage works out. He's very vein-heavy.

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4-Way Dance: Daga def. Mascarita Sagrada, Argenis & Kobra Moon

Stray observations: Famous B interrupts Melissa after she introduces Argenis, Daga and Kobra Moon. He has a custom Mascarita Sagrada suit and it's incredible. The beautiful Brenda is in Mascarita's corner, giving him reassuring shoulder rubs. This is a very good, supportive group. PLUS, they help you get fame!

Sagrada starts things off by dropkicking Kobra Moon out of her corner snake perch, which is wonderful. This was a fun little four-way lucha spotfest that mostly showcased Sagrada and Daga. Kobra Moon grabs Daga's leg seductively early in the match and then yields the pinfall to him when she could have had the match won. Daga accepts and pins Sagrada for the win. She gives him sexy snake face and he seems confused and lightly disturbed.

What we learned: Famous B's client is still having some issues, despite the strong support from his camp. Daga and Kobra Moon might have a little thing going on. Or at least, it sure looks like Kobra Moon wants there to be something going on.

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Marty the Moth creeps up on Killshot in the locker room, then mocks him quite openly. He cocks his arm (complete with gun-cocking sounds) and attempts to put his finger gun to Killshot's head, leading to a kung fu fight that Killshot gets the better of. He says "bang" for HIS finger gun and Marty cackles while lying on the floor of the locker room. Phenomenal segment that was stupid as hell in all the best ways.

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Killshot def. Marty "The Moth" Martinez

Stray observations: Marty continues to creep on Melissa during the ring introductions and is probably doing the best character work in the entire company by a country mile. Well, not counting Dario, probably. Also, Marty's aggresively-low-rise briefs are stunning.

During the match, Vampiro apologizes for being on medication, Matt Striker goofs on him and Vampiro calls him out on it. Their banter is so great so much of the time.

This was a pretty wonderful and hard-hitting match, with Marty brutalizing Killshot throughout. Killshot managed to catch Marty and plant him with a driver for the win. After the match, Marty beats down Killshot and steals his dog tags, then hits him with a second-rope curb stomp.

What we learned: This feud is just warming up. Marty is one of the most watchable parts of Lucha Underground right now, so I'm behind anything that gets him on my television more often.

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Gift of the Gods Match: Chavo Guerrero def. Sexy Star, Siniestro de la Muerte, The Mack, Aero Star, Joey Ryan & Texano

Stray observations: Texano has some new gear, which is a vinyl-accented blue singlet. Mack has wonderfully color-coordinated his gear and ring entrance satin jacket. And one last gear note: Joey Ryan's gear continues to be unmatched.

Joey Ryan starts creeping on Sexy Star early and Chavo of all people comes to her defense ... so he can try to roll her up and steal the pin. Mack and Sexy Star work together ... until they have to face off. Mack doesn't seem real interested in locking up with her, however.

Texano unzips Aero Star's top and just destroys him with chops, but is at least nice enough to zip the guy back up when he's done. When we get close to the end, everyone teams up to hit Chavo with finishers, because everyone hates Chavo. Then Cage gets to the ring and tells everyone to step aside ... then starts attacking everyone.

Joey Ryan tries to steal the pin on Chavo, but Cage hits Joey with the Steiner Screwdriver and drags Chavo's unconscious body on top for the pin and the Gift of the Gods title.

He hands Chavo the title and tells him he already spoke to Dario and Chavo will be defending the Gift of the Gods next week ... against him.

What we learned: Cage is pissed off at EVERYONE for being screwed out of his Gift of the Gods chance, but he's just set himself up for an even better one. We'll see whether he can finally capture the Gift of the Gods next week. But somehow, I don't think things are going to be quite that easy for him.

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In the Dark Master's dojo, Vampiro has Pentagón Jr. hanging from the ceiling like he's in Ichi the Killer or something. He hits Pentagón with a stick and tells him he's weak. Vampiro is also having some trouble with his medication and his sanity, which Pentagón notices.

Vampiro puts down the stick and picks up a barbed wire baseball bat. He winds up and prepares to deliver his next lesson, as we cut to black.

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Well, that was unexpected. Gift of the Gods wasn't as good as the first installment, but they're telling a very different story, so that's totally fine. This was a very solid episode of Lucha Underground. See you next week!