WWE Payback 2016: The Miz vs. Cesaro full match preview

That moment when you were closer on how the new WWE Women's Championship would look than who would win said championship in a preview...

Hey. Don't feel bad. Only 10 of 374 people got the winner right.

Sorry. I digress.

WHO?

Michael Gregory Mizanin, aka The Miz. Age 35 . 6'1", 232 pounds. Born in Parma, Ohio, resides in Beverly Hills, California, because of course he does. Former reality television star. Actor. Starred in that Marine movie that Randy Orton was gonna be in. It sucked. Starred in A SECOND Marine movie with WWE superstar Summer Rae. It sucked too. Starred in Santa's Little Helper with fellow WWE superstar Paige. It also sucked. Married to ex-WWE diva, now WWE superstar Maryse. Probably have half the brain that you do combined, but then again, he married Maryse. Former WWE Champion. 2-time WWE United States Champion. 4-time tag team champion. 5-time and current WWE Intercontinental Champion. Once the #1 ranked wrestler in the world according to Pro Wrestling Illustrated. Seriously believes he's awesome for some reason.

Claudio Castignoli, aka Antonio Cesaro. Age 35. 1.95 m, 105 kg (6'5", 232 pounds) from Lucerne, Switzerland, now residing in Tampa, Florida. Not a former Swiss rugby player, but played one on TV. Actor (has a cameo in The Wrestler). Once wrestled as Very Mysterious Ice Cream. Winner of the original Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. Former Paul Heyman Guy. Wrestling Observer's Most Underrated Wrestler three years running. Former United States Champion. Former PWG world champion. Former tag team champion. Crazy strong. Has a knack for swinging things. Sometimes like 80½ times in a row. Possibly a stripper. Once out for a really long time due to a shoulder injury.

WHY ARE THEY FIGHTING?

Shiny thing, obviously.

WHAT'S AT STAKE?

The WWE Intercontinental Heavyweight Wrestling Championship.

HISTORY

Hey? Rememeber Wrestlemania 32? Ok, It's okay if you don't wanna remember it. I can't blame you.

Zack Ryder won the Intercontinental Championship in the show's opening ladder match. Not that it mattered, because...

Zack would lose it all of one day later to The Miz without a single successful defense. Then promptly disappear from the picture. If this sounds familiar, it should. It happened to Zack four years ago. Hopefully the check still clears. (BTW: 8,000 more dislikes on the title change video than likes. People are salty about it, and I can't blame them.)

Oh, hi Maryse.

Never mind that shit, CESARO IS HERE! AND IN 360 DEGREES!

And he's all up in your interview.

And he's all out of bubblegum.

What I wouldn't give to see The Miz get this treatment again. And again. And again.

WHO WINS?

In a perfect world, The Miz is the bridge to a long and fruitful run for Cesaro as Intercontinental champion and future main eventer. The Miz has had it FIVE TIMES now. FIVE. Does he really need it? Honestly? We will know for sure Sunday if the E's serious about a Cesaro push this time.

WINNER

Ah, who are we kidding? They've always pulled the plug on Cesaro any and every time he gets any traction. The Mizyse partnership has just begun, and they're not gonna essentially kill it a month in. They just aren't. Though I want a Cesaro victory, unfortunately, it will be The Miz retaining.

________________________________

Hang around with the best wrestling community in the galaxy beginning 7pm ET this Sunday and hope that smark justice will be served.