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Lucha Underground recap (March 2, 2016): Last God Standing

The Gift of the Gods ladder match, Pentagón-Puma II and more Famous B. This show has everything.

Fade in.

Things begin with a recap of Marty the Moth Martinez and his sister kidnapping Sexy Star and her subsequent escape. We then get a recap of the Pentagón Jr./Catrina/Mil Muertes/Puma imbroglio. The previouslies wrap up with a montage of the King Cuerno/Fênix/Caterina Gift of the Gods storyline.

The episode proper begins with Mil Muertes meditating in front of a badass Catholic shrine. Catrina appears, having been summoned by him. He is plenty angry with her, but she points out that if it wasn't for her, he would still be buried. He lifts her up by the neck and she seems pretty unconcerned about the situation.

Muertes says if he could bury her right now, he would. He demands she give Pentagón and Puma to him, instead. She simply smiles and says "No," then disappears. He roars his disapproval at about a 0.7 on the "Darth Vader at the end of Revenge of the Sith yelling NOOOOOOO" scale.

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Striker and Vampiro (in spectacles) welcome us to the Temple.

Kobra Moon def. Sexy Star

Stray observations: Well, Sexy Star is just in the ring and ready for a match. So we're to assume that whole "her kidnapper was standing behind The Mack and terrifying them by her mere presence" thing following Sexy's harrowing escape from her captors worked out pretty okay.

Really, really weird for them not to pay off that cliffhanger and for Sexy to just be in a match. I would say it would be massively negligent for her to be back in action already, but I guess that's the problem with having an evil ghost lady for a boss.

Mack shows up a couple minutes into the match, just to hang out and observe, maybe lend Sexy a bit of support. Sexy gets Kobra Moon in a swinging surfboard, but gets distracted by Marty the Moth appearing in the bleachers, allowing Kobra to sink in her submission and hand Sexy Star her first submission loss in the Temple

What we learned: Kobra Moon looked a lot better in her second match in the Temple. If that sounds like damning with faint praise, I'll just say "small sample size" and then change the subject! How about that Marty the Moth, huh? He looks like even more of a sleazebag in Season 2, with stringy, greasy hair. I'm looking forward to him and Mack really laying into one another.

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FAMOUS B IS BACK HELL YES. Sure enough, he becomes the latest Lucha Underground roster member to beat up random masked thugs in his informercial. This ad is somehow even BETTER than last week's. FAMOUS B YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING.

OH MAN then the camera pulls out to reveal that Dragón Azteca was WATCHING IT IN HIS SECRET GYM. Rey Mysterio turns off the television -- much to Azteca's chagrin -- and apparently Rey doesn't put too much stock in Famous B's salesmanship, because he insists they return to their Kung Fu training. BOOOOOO. WE DEMAND MORE FAMOUS B.

Please Lord, let the big reveal of the season be that Rey and Azteca are coming up short against Catrina and Mil until Famous B reveals the SECRET OF PERFECT FIGHTSMANSHIP.

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Oh fr*ck yeah, it's a STREET CLOTHES KING CUERNO vignette. He talks about the thrill of the hunt and the satisfaction of killing his prey. He says when he beats Fénix, he won't just be a hunter ... he'll be a god. And then he'll be the Lucha Underground champion.

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Pentagón Jr. def. Prince Puma via disqualification

Stray observations: Before the match begins, Striker prods Vampiro for his feelings about Pentagón once again. This makes Vampiro lose it and he rattles off a bunch of pro-Pentagón sentiments in rapid succession. It was great.

Another good, but short, competitive match. As Pentagón hits a Mexican Destroyer, Mil Muertes appears at the top of the stairs. He makes his way down them, then tears off his sling and hits the ring. He attacks Pentagón first, drawing the DQ, then beats down both men and lays them out with a double Flatliner.

What we learned: I don't think anyone was expecting a clean finish to this match after Catrina's threats last week. Muertes is back at full strength and now he's pissed off. That's bad news for EVERYONE. Presumably, this might get Pentagón and Puma back on the same page, but I wouldn't be surprised if they have a final showdown later this season.

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Catrina and Muertes walk and talk backstage. Catrina says all he needed was a little motivation. He says this is his Temple and no one can stop him. She smiles ... forebodingly?

Maybe it's because I think this is the most Muertes has ever spoken in an episode, but he sort of ... sounds Russian. Zangief Muertes.

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Matt Striker has breaking news! He announces that Catrina and Mil have sent out invitations to top luchadores all over the world. In three short weeks, it will be the second AZTEC WARFARE, featuring 20 of the greatest fighters in the world. HELL YES.

And now, the main event!

Gift of the Gods Ladder Match: Fénix def. King Cuerno (c)

Stray observations: They gave this match fully half the episode, which is of course the correct call. We probably would have rioted otherwise. If this series ever gets another match, it probably warrants the All Night Long treatment.

How good was this match? It was so good that Vampiro gave it a standing ovation halfway through. With just a few minutes left, he threatened to vacate the booth entirely to watch the finish from the crowd.

I don't yet have the perspective to know whether this match is on par with Grave Conequences or All Night Long or Vampiro-Pentagón, but it's bare minimum a top-10 all-time Lucha Underground bout. Keep your eyes out for the company to put this one on YouTube. Or just go buy it on iTunes immediately if you missed it.

Fénix finally managed to hit a springboard straddle hurricanrana to send Cuerno through a table and retrieve the Gift of the Gods.

What we learned: Fénix is once again the No. 1 contender and life and death are once again on a collision course. Hopefully Cuerno will get something else to do after being thoroughly trounced in this feud. It's weird to feel like Fénix is on the verge of becoming the John Cena of Lucha Underground (when clearly Puma is the John Cena, if anyone is), but I can't help it. I'm getting legitimate Cenachills at times.

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No end-of-show vignette or coda this week! Too much laddery goodness! Pretty much a must-watch episode this week, so until next time, call 423-GET-FAME and learn the secrets of the universe.