Lucha Underground recap (March 9, 2016): Cat vs. Skeleton vs. Death

Fade in.

First things first: we start with recaps. The Marty/Sexy/Mack/Marty's sister storyline that sort of skipped a bunch of stuff last week, the Mundo/Cage feud, the Jack Evans/Drago/PJ Black intrigue and the Puma/Pentagón/Muertes/Catrina goings-on.

Boy, there have been a lot of stories already this season, haven't there?

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Mack meets up with Sexy Star in the locker room and says he has a match with Marty the Moth this week and wants her in his corner. You couldn't have shown the inverse of this vignette -- or a slightly altered version of it -- last week? He says her being rattled isn't like her, because she's strong. Dude, she was kidnapped for entire months.

He asks her if she wants to help him squash that bug. She smiles.

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Vampiro and Matt Striker welcome us to the Temple and we're off and running!

Marty "The Moth" Martinez def. The Mack

These two were having an as-good-as-expected match and Mack was gaining the upper hand when suddenly MARTY'S SISTER FINALLY APPEARED. She's a masked, totally bonkers-looking moth woman. Even better than expected. She has crazy leather "wings." Imagine if Hannibal Lecter or Francis Dolarhyde or Leatherface were a moth-themed luchadora. This is perhaps the most reasonable wrestling distraction EVER and allows Marty to hit a top-rope curb stomp for the win.

Marty grabs the microphone afterward and introduces the Temple to his sister, Mariposa. Striker and Vampiro are shocked when Marty said "sister," because THEY ARE NOT PRIVY TO ANY OF THE BACKSTAGE STUFF OR VIGNETTES AND THIS IS CANON.

What we learned: Okay, the payoff of the Moth's sister was totally worth it. Mariposa is totally badass and she has the in-ring chops to back up her sweet-as-hell look. I'm all in. Sexy Star was cowering in fear of Mariposa, for a lot of good reasons, but playing up her trauma after everything was pretty hunky-dory last week just calls more attention to how weird it was for them to mostly ignore the effects of this storyline for an episode.

Yes, I'm a nerd and a stickler.

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We get a really fantastic vignette explaining Fénix's backstory as a poor kid who wanted to make fantasies realities. He's made a habit of proving people wrong. He's going to make his fantasy a reality and become a legend.

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The next vignette is one of the greatest of all time, as we FINALLY get to the LOCKER ROOM NUNCHAKU BATTLE. Drago confronts "Dragon Killer" Jack Evans in the locker room and kicks out some lights to threaten him. Evans is backed into a corner when who should appear but THE DAREWORLF PJ BLACK, who is IN CAHOOTS WITH EVANS OH MY GOODNESS. He BELTS DRAGO IN THE FACE WITH NUNCHUCKS and then him and Evans start working him over.

As they're taunting Drago regarding Aztec Warfare, who should make his return but AERO STAR, who busts out his own LIGHT-UP NUNCHAKU. This is some next-level stuff. Evans and Black bone out because no one told them they were signing up to fight no damn spaceman. Aero Star helps Drago to his feet with a solidarity bro-handshake.

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No DQ Match: Cage def. Taya

Taya gets on the microphone before the match and says it's HER time to make an impact. She slaps They Call Him Cage in the face and it's on, no disqualification style. She kicks out of some big moves during a solid match. Taya is probably the only woman in the promotion that can believably go toe-to-toe in a singles match against They Call Him Cage.

The match gets wild in a hurry and culminates in Taya receiving an inside-out suplex from inside the ring to the floor -- through two tables. Then Johnny Mundo appears and gives another full-force lead pipe ATTEMPTED MURDER shot to Cage, then drags Taya on top and helps her cover ... but this time, Cage kicks out.

They Call Him Cage tries to put Mundo through a cinder block, but Taya interrupts. Mundo breaks two bottles over his head, but that just makes him angry. Cage hits Taya with the Weapon X and gets the win.

What we learned: This was one of the most sheer fun and ridiculous garbage matches they've had, right up there with the street fight from Ultima Lucha and Pentagón vs. Vampiro. It made Taya look tough as hell and made Mundo look like a sniveling jerk who deserves comeuppance. This is leading to something huge between the two men.

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FAMOUS B IS BACK! You're probably wondering why he's wearing this wizard's hat. It's because he's a fame wizard! Or something. He helps poor Brenda, who has no job, no car and is ugly. Don't be like Brenda. With Famous B's magic wand, he turns her into a famous, good-looking rich woman with a car. THANKS, FAMOUS B.

Remember, dial 423-GET-FAME. It works!

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Ivelisse leaves Catrina's office, where Angélico and Son of Havoc are waiting for her. She says she made it happen: They have a trios match for the titles next week, but there's one condition: if they lose the match, they have to leave the Temple forever. NOOOOOO.

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Lucha Underground Championship Match: Mil Muertes (c) def. Prince Puma and Pentagón Jr.

Yep, I'd say this match lived up to expectations. After maximum awesomeness, Muertes planted both opponents with a double Flatliner and then pinned them both, just to make a point.

As Muertes and Catrina are celebrating, who should appear at the top of the stairs but FÉNIX, who is turning in his Gift of the Gods title NEXT WEEK. OH IT IS ONNNNNNN.

What we learned: It's finally happening. The most unstoppable man in the Temple is finally going up against the only person who has stopped him before. It was fate. It's coming. Catrina could potentially lose it all next week.

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And there's no post-show stinger or teaser! Uh, that's okay. I think next week is stacked enough. TWO TITLE MATCHES LET'S HURRY UP AND GET TO NEXT WEEK, ALREADY.