On a week where Monday Night Raw, Smackdown Live, and 205 Live all deliver - will Total Divas?
Woo woo woo. You know it...because we're kicking things off this week with Hollywood's A-List Couple and their dog has peed all over their house. Maryse notes that it smells and our Intercontinental Champion accurately points out "It's pee, of course it smells!"
We depart our A-listers and move to Smackdown where two things of importance happen. Paige announces that she wants to jump back into the dating scene. Foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing! Paige outlines a game plan about reeling ‘em in, boom boom boom and regrouping. We've known all along, guys. It's all about the game and how you play it.
Mark Carrano, VP of Talent Relations, finds Naomi backstage. He tells her he knows she's frustrated with Creative because she isn't doing much, so hey, they might as well put her in a movie. Naomi will be in The Marine 5: Battleground alongside The Miz. Naomi is incredibly excited for the opportunity.
Naomi: Maryse, how do you feel about this...me kicking Miz's ass?
Maryse: Oh girl, good luck with that.
Speaking of good luck, Maryse introduces her husband to the Total Divas audience. She says he's really mean in the ring but he's not that guy in real life. She calls him sweet and romantic, and she shares her theory that "it's the French in me teaching him." On the subject of The Miz's sweet side, hold that thought.
Eva Marie has a hair extension line and they are throwing a party! Maryse is invited! They are headed out for a girls' day before the party and Maryse stops in at an animal shelter to drop off donations. "I can't walk in and walk out. I feel like I have to do something," Maryse says. So walk out she does - with a dog in tow. "I can't put it back in a cage! I would rather deal with my husband being pissed off at me" she says.
Aside from rescuing dogs, The Miz and Maryse flip homes and love transforming them from disasters to something absolutely beautiful like their love. It's not enough to be A-listers, beautiful, and rich. They have hearts of gold and cool interests. Well, I am writing a Total Divas recap on Cageside Seats so I think I'm up there, too.
We land in Phoenix, AZ where Brother JJ Bella is hungry and Brie is awaiting pregnancy test results. The test winds up being negative. Brie knows they will try again next month, but now questions if her ovulation app works. Bryan points out that the app is not tracking her cervical mucus. Brother Bella flees the room.
Thanks, 2016. I just typed "cervical mucus." Twice.
Naomi and her husband Jimmy Uso are practicing her lines. She will be playing the part of Murphy, a motorcycle babe, in the movie and feels a lot of pressure to nail the whole role.
Naomi: Promise you'll be there to support me!
Jimmy Uso: Hell no, I won't be there. I gotta work!
On the subject of work, my girl crush Renee, Lana, Paige and the Bellas are in LA for a WWE beach photoshoot. Now that Brie knows she isn't pregnant, she can activate Brie Mode!!! This will be Brie's "rockstar weekend" before she becomes a mother.
Eva and Maryse return to The A-List Abode and Maryse realizes The Miz is coming home and she has the red carpet tonight, and got a new dog (named Luna). The Miz walks in while they're finishing primping, so Maryse totters upstairs in her dress and heels to hide their new roster member and acts like all is well. Right before they leave, The Miz thankfully goes outside and Maryse is able to take Luna out of the house. They arrive at the red carpet for Eva Marie's party and are posing for pictures when Luna craps (alternatively, "drop a bomb" as Eva says) on the red carpet.
Eva: "This is my event, I'm the face of the line, and there's dog poop on the carpet. Who does that?"
Maryse's dog, yo!
After the red carpet is done, Maryse ushers Luna up the driveway telling her "time to meet your daddy!" The Miz sees the dog and says flatly "You adopted her." He did not want any more animals, he tells her, but she knew he wouldn't say no.
Maryse: I can't bring her back now.
The Miz: I know! Thanks.
Meanwhile in Orlando, The Miz's co-star Naomi is preparing for her role and trying to fill in a backstory for her character. She and Jimmy visit a motorcycle shop because her character is a biker chick. Slight problem as Naomi is actually scared of motorcycles because her friend got hit by one and his leg was amputated.
Back in Bella world, Brie Mode is well on the way to being activated. Brie has consumed champagne, Moscow Mules and dirty martinis and I admire her for it. In addition to this, she is mulling over getting another tattoo. The next day is the girls' photoshoot and Paige and Renee creep on a couple dry-humping on the beach. Yes. Brie wants a hot and sexy photoshoot because she knows she might not get her body back after pregnancy.
Jimmy Uso has a surprise for his wife - a bike! Naomi isn't thrilled but notes the bike is small and maybe it will help her get her over her fear. She mounts the bike, promptly goes rogue on bike and tumbles off screaming "Jon help me!!" She is upset that she almost got hurt. She stalks into the house where they have a Serious Conversation on the Kitchen Countertops. She confesses that she has so much anxiety and is worried about getting on set and not being able to follow through. She says to him, "It's too much, I'm not prepared, and I feel like you're not taking it as seriously as I need you to take it!" She notes in the talking head interview she's been "beginning and begging to do more with WWE and they're finally giving me an opportunity" and she does not want to mess up. I'm sure she's amamamamaymayayayzing.
Miz and Maryse are driving to see a new house to flip. The house is not in the usual neighborhood that they flip houses in. They pull up and Miz does not like it already and says "I don't want to go inside." Yeah this is how it's going to go. But he does go inside (he's no coward, Daniel!) and the house is very much not awwwwwwesome.
The Miz: I feel like a killer lived here. This place is a piece of junk!
Maryse is disappointed with his reaction and then...
Maryse: I bought it! I bought the house.
Miz: what do you mean you bought the house?
Maryse: I bought it
Maryse: I bought the house.
He is upset she sank $400k into this house he hates and didn't consult him.
We return to our LA ladies and they are settling in for a meal. Paige wants to find a man. Renee and Brie tell the group they've been talking about getting tattoos for a long time. Nikki tells Brie that Bryan will be upset if she gets a tattoo. Brie is drunk, agitated and wondering why she invited Nikki to her fun weekend. The twins have a stand-off and Renee chirps "Nothing better than a good girls' night!" The Bellas have a side chat and Nikki doesn't like that Brie is acting as if they will never be able to hang out again after she becomes a mom. Damn show totally leaves us hanging if Brie actually did get a new tattoo.
Before The Miz leaves for a month, the A-List Couple is out to dinner. The Miz notes there is a lot of stress in filming a movie and he doesn't want to have to worry about what his wife is not telling him or what she is doing. Things get somber when he reflects that he vowed to never get married because he didn't want a divorce like his parents, and one of his parents' big problems was lack of communication. Maryse explains that when she was 15, her dad disappeared and they later found his body in the mountains where the family liked to go hiking. "When those things happen, you grow really fast because you have to" and that situation instilled in her to move fast and make decisions quickly. The Miz tells her that he doesn't want her to lose that, but he wants to be in the loop. A very pricey apology later, one relationship squabble solved.
Onto the next one...Naomi is also leaving for Marine 5. Her sweet husband walks in with flowers and gives her a sweet card telling her he will come visit her on set.
We end the show with The Miz and Maryse giving one of their dogs to Maryse's sister and The Miz #talkingsmack with their nephew in French.
Did Dean Ambrose Appear: No.
Did I Follow 2Pawz on Instagram Yet: No.
Is Renee Young My BFF yet: No.
Let's chat in the comments!