Total Divas Recap: #OrlandoStrong

We pick up right where the premiere ended. It is the Raw after WrestleMania and we begin with the heavy-hitting question of "Do you follow my cat 2Pawz on Instagram?" from Natalya. Buckle up it’s going to be a deep one! No, really.

Maryse is making her way into the arena as the fans shout, ‘Are you coming back?!" Nattie proceeds to have a total freak out as to why Maryse is still backstage in the female locker room. Wrestlemania is over, she notes, "Time for you to go home, right?" Life imitating 2Pawz Instagram here as Nattie’s claws are out.

She marches up to Mark Carrano, Vice President of Talent Relations, and asks what Maryse is doing here. Nattie quizzes him, "So she’s just hanging out?" Carrano nods and says "With my permission." Nattie remains disturbed. "TV time is gold. I might actually have a shot and all of a sudden, Maryse is back. Don’t lie to me, just tell me what’s up!"

(What’s up, what’s up?)

Nattie stomps over to Maryse and questions her presence to her face. Maryse brushes her off with a "Let’s keep being happy." Nattie will not oblige her and remains disturbed. We relive the moment the WWE Universe welcomes Maryse back when she helps The Miz nab the IC Title back from Zack Ryder. Maryse came to play and there’s a price to pay.

We fast forward two months later to the House of 2Pawz. Nattie and her father Jim Neidhart "The Anvil" are posing for a picture with a shot put.

Total Divas Fast Fact: One of Jim’s passions is shot putting.

Lana calls Nattie and Nattie rushes her off the phone. "That’s what I deal with on a daily basis," St. Nattie proclaims to her mother.

The Harts move to the backyard where Jim puts on a shot put clinic.

Nattie: "Daddy you can’t scream like that."

Jim: "You have to."

Lana calls again.

It’s Bella Time! Nikki admonishes Brie "Stop staring at my nipples" and Brie replies "I can’t!" They are excited to shoot the cover of Latina Magazine in a few days. Brie inquires about pushing the shoot because Brie Mode is ovulating! You can look and you can touch, Bryan! Nikki is aggravated and scolds Brie "It was retiring from the ring, and not from working. Step up, I can’t do this alone."

We land at Monday Night Raw where it is one of the biggest matches of Nattie’s career. Mark Carrano basically threatens Nattie that the match needs to blow the roof off the place or she is getting replaced. The match is underway and Paige backstage is noting it’s a flat crowd. In her talking head interview, Nattie explodes "Where is the crowd? I need to get them engaged. It’s do or die time!" And get them engaged she does when she locks in the sharpshooter on Charlotte. It was very cool seeing Paige, Lana and Naomi backstage shouting "Sharpshooter" in excitement. A proud Nattie says "Everyone got behind me. It’s exactly what I want and exactly what I need."

We are in Orlando in the raw days after the Pulse nightclub shooting. Naomi, an Orlando native, has a long history with Pulse night club, where she would go hang out with her Uncle Buck. They were even there about 4 weeks before the shooting happened. To mourn properly and be there to support her community, Naomi asked for the week off. "These beautiful people were just there living life and now they’re gone, just like that," Naomi comments. Heavy stuff.

Lana and Nattie are training and discussing Lana’s entrance. Lana announces "I want it to be a mix of Michael Jackson, Beyonce, Tina, and Madonna, and you pour out the Ravishing Russian Lana." Hey now!!

Nattie: "I love that entrance, I think it’s absolute gold, now we should get going."

We are back in NYC with the Bellas where they have a meeting with the management of Birdie Bee, their lingerie line. They get the opportunity to walk a red carpet tomorrow and Nikki readily accepts while Brie sits silently. Brie notes in her talking head that she’s OVULATING RIGHT NOW! She has to get home to Bryan! Brie huffs "My number one priority is becoming a mother and Nicole doesn’t care." Brie Mode goes there when she notes that maybe Nikki doesn’t care because SHE will never be a mother because of John. Ooh girl.

Back at the House of 2Pawz where Nattie is playing host to Lana....

Lana: "I would be in a bikini 24/7 if I lived here."

Jim offers to show Lana how to shot put. The two ditch Nattie and Nattie’s mom, heading to the front lawn for Shot put Showcase 101. Inside the house, Nattie is fretting to her mom about her limited time at home and says "she’s not a bad kid, she’s just intense." Lana is apparently SO talkative that Nattie was unable to work out. Nattie can’t hop on a treadmill and listen? It is in this scene Nattie utters the line from the commercials "I don’t know if I need Advil or vodka."

Dear Nattie, I don’t know but I would add that I need tissues for this episode as well because Naomi’s scenes are tugging at the heartstrings and there is still no Dean Ambrose. Love, Caitlyn.

Then it happens. Lana makes a very short pivot, turn thing (I ran track for one year ok) and launches the shot put right on the windshield of Nattie’s car. Awwww, here it goes.

Lana: "Holy moly. Nattie is going to kill me. I am scared."

I am scared, too. I hope Nattie picked vodka.

Jim says in awe as he stares at the windshield: "I’ve never seen anybody do that before."

Nattie, with her mom in tow, storms out. Lana is in tears as she apologizes profusely and Nattie’s mom comforts her. Nattie starts demanding that everybody go home. She follows a horrified Lana inside the house, ranting "I just want to relax and enjoy my day and now I gotta get my car fixed, and I’ve done nothing all day but cater to talk you and talk about you."

As this awkward scene ends, let me remind you Nattie actually winds up being one of Lana’s bridesmaids. Happily ever after windshield.

Welcome back to Monday Night Raw! Nattie vs. Dana Brooke is underway and we watch Lana watch the match on monitors. We see Dana hit the ropes and do a cartwheel splash. Lana proceeds to freak out

Lana: "I literally want to go to punch Dana in the face."

Oh boy. Lana tells us she has been practicing the cartwheel splash with Dana. Nattie has barely made it backstage before Lana is requesting to talk to her. Nattie says in the talking head interview "Now what?" Lana is in tears and professes "I would never do that to her!" Nattie advises Lana to talk to Dana. Dammit! I want to see this. Has Dana hit a cartwheel splash since? Well I guess Dana hasn’t been wrestling much lately anyway. Nattie softens a bit in her talking head interview about Lana, "I feel really bad. She works really hard." They end their conversation with Lana saying "We need a code word for when I’m driving you crazy that means to give you space." See? They just needed to make some adjustments to the friendship.

Naomi's friend Angelica "Piggy" who was working at Pulse the night of the shooting has inspired Naomi to give back to her community, which leads to organizing a local vigil. Naomi begins her speech "I am a pretty emotional person. I’m going to get into it before I break down because I don’t know how much time I got." Gahhhhh she is so endearing. The Pulse tragedy has made Naomi realize she needs to take more time to see her family and give them a call. Truth, girl, truth. She unveils a memorial plaque with the names of the lives lost. Shit I’m in tears! The attendees light candles to honor the victims and have 49 seconds of silence in honor of the 49 lives lost.

We land in Phoenix for the first time this episode. Life is a highway and Brie and Bryan are on one.

Bryan: Whoa, why are you speeding up?

Brie: I didn’t see him wanting to come over!

They have the conversation about whether Bryan is ready to be a dad. Brie tells Bryan "I want to be sure it’s not me pushing you to become a father when you’re not ready." Bryan relays that he has concerns and his depression is a lifelong thing that doesn’t go away. "I don’t think there’s ever going to be a time where I’m like ‘Yay I’ll never be depressed again!’ My big fear is how deep it [depression] was, and I don’t want that when we have kids." Guys, this episode. But Bryan then swerves and says "I’m ready to try. The idea of having kids excites me and I’m pushing you to have kids just as much."

He then adds, "If we have a daughter, I hope I never find out she did the things you did." Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

That ends episode 2 of Total Divas! A heavy one for sure but a good reminder as we set off into the holiday season.

Did Dean Ambrose Appear: No.

Did I Follow 2Pawz on Instagram Yet: No.

Is Renee Young My BFF yet: No.

Let’s chat in the comments!

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