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WHO?
Windham Lawrence Rotunda, aka Bray Wyatt. Age 29. 6’3", 285 pounds from Brooksville, Florida. Third-generation wrestler. Brother of a wrestler. Nephew of a wrestler. Brother-in-law of a former wrestler. Destroyer. Accuser. Seducer. Man of a thousand truths. Fourth face of fear. Eater of worlds. Follows buzzards for some reason. May or may not actually have a sister named Abigail. May also have been husky once.
Randal Keith Orton, aka Randy Orton. Age 36. 6’5", 250 pounds from St. Louis, Missouri. Third-generation wrestler. Nephew of wrestler. Discharged from the United States Marine Corps after going AWOL twice in a year. Legend killer. Viper. Apex predator. Face of the WWE, but for only like seven and a half minutes or so. Once managed by Lita, Stacy Keibler, and Stephanie McMahon (not at the same time, obviously). 12-time world champion. Intercontinental Champion. Tag Team Champion. 2009 Royal Rumble winner. 2013 Money in the Bank winner. The guy that nearly ruined WWE for about eight months. Walks around these days in a sleeveless Tapout tee with matching hoodie. Wears pants once in a while now. Has a move that went viral on the Internet. Unfortunately, he was out for the time it went viral on the Internet.
WHY ARE THEY FIGHTING?
They weren’t good enough to fight at Backlash. THEY WEREN’T GOOD ENOUGH TO FIGHT AT BACKLASH?
WHAT’S AT STAKE?
With rumors that BOTH John Cena and Dean Ambrose may take a leave of absence following No Mercy, Smackdown’s wafer-thin main-event scene has an open spot, and the winner of this match may be the next man in line for (likely) AJ Styles’ WWE World Heavyweight Championship.
Failing that, the winner will get to call himself the true apex predator. Or… something.
HISTORY
Two words, and I’m going to quote the good people at OSW Review for this: MIND GAMES.
The bout was originally supposed to go down at Backlash, but as it turned out, Randal Keith Orton got the medical red light due to the concussion he suffered at Summerslam in a match that’s best left forgotten. To cover for it, they had the pre-match beatdown by Wyatt with Orton suffering a leg injury.
Not that it mattered, Orton—concussion and "bum leg" and all—still managed to cost Bray Wyatt a no holds barred match with THE DEMON KANE.
Wait… THE DEMON KANE is still around?
Anyway, it’s basically been HUMAN PHONE TAG between these two for weeks. But the two finally connect.
No DAT-? Come on WWE, you’re slipping.
Earlier this week, Randy, after realizing being upside down probably wasn’t best for his health, tried to catch himself a Wyatt in the box…
…only to find out that if they’re not fed after 45 minutes, they escape into the ether. Or… something. Look, I’ve never caught a Wyatt in a box. I can’t tell you how it works.
WHO WINS?
As mentioned earlier, the winner of this is probably the next man in line for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship (with Miz tied up with Daniel Bryan at the moment). If you’re expecting Bray Wyatt to get a big win here and now…
WINNER
...I have a piece of the Brooklyn Bridge I’d like to sell you. Orton wins. LOL.
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