WWE Hell in a Cell 2016 full match preview: Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins

WHO?

The reigning defending champion of the Universe, and Chris Jericho's best friend

- and -

Seth Freakin' Rollins

WHY ARE THEY FIGHTING?

Well, Kevin Owens is a Prizefighter, so it's kind of right there in the job description.

Seth is an Architect, and the Man (and a big Traitorface and a guy who laughes about injuring his co-workers, but WWE would like you to forget about all that right now, but as you'll see in a moment, we haven't), so... HEY, IS THAT TRIPLE H!?!?

WHAT ARE THEY FIGHTING FOR?

The WWE Heavyweight Championship of the Universe.

This belt right here.

WWE.com

We need to talk about this belt.

As of today, this belt has existed for exactly 98 days. 14 weeks. Just over one-fourth of one year calendar year. I know it's been presented as prestigious, but it's not that, and not just because it looks like a toy or something that someone with a copy of WWE 2K16 could create in literally a matter of seconds. This championship is not prestigious simply because it hasn't been around long enough.

The same is true with the second version of the WWE Women's Championship. Like the Universal title that was born three months after, its entire history is two people. Basically, it's too young to have any sort of prestige. No amount of hard selling can change that.

Now that I'm done soapboxing, let's talk about this match.

HISTORY

Or for that matter, how evil people get rewarded.

The day is August 21, 2016. Finn Balor, former NXT Champion, defeated Seth Rollins to win the WWE Universal Championship. During that match, Balor injured his shoulder on a barricade bomb. Who injured him, you ask?

This guy. Traitor McTraitorface. This guy who once said this on his Twitter account:

More important than a title's appearance is what it represents for the men fighting over it. You really let me down tonight, Brooklyn.

Hey, you let us down first, Seth! June 2, 2014. Remember that? I sure as hell do.

Anyway, while Traitor McTraitorface bragged... BRAGGED (THE MAN BRAGGED, PEOPLE) that he put Finn on the shelf and he should be awarded the WWE Universal Championship, a four-way elimination match was commissioned for the title. The four men that got that opportunity were Rollins, Roman Reigns, Kevin Owens, and Big Cass for some reason. Probably because he's seven feet tall or whatever. And it was made to an elimination match.

An elimination match won by Triple H—errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr—Kevin Owens.

Look, I know it says Kevin Owens won, but it was Triple H that hit the final two moves of the match. I'm pretty sure Triple H is the Universal Champion. By proxy, you see?

Maybe it's me, but it seems like a sort of a comeuppance for someone who whined and stole his way to the WWE Championship a year prior. You know, before he blew out his knee in a match against Kane for some reason.

Wait... this is a rematch? THIS IS A REMATCH?

Indeed this is a rematch.

At Clash of (not the) Champions, Owens retained with the help of fellow Canadian Chris Jericho. And Stephanie McMahon, probably.

It was at that pay-per-view (PPV) that Rollins was injured.

TURN ABOUT IS FAIRPLAY, JERK!

Oh wait, this is where we were supposed to feel sorry for him. Well, guess what? We don't. But a bunch of people did...

And a lot of folks have been wanting to cheer for him for a long time now. So, that's what they're gonna do. But not as much as they want to cheer for Chris Jericho's "List".

That's right. While one of the most pushed guys in recent WWE history started a one man crusade to burn Raw to the ground in order to end Stephanie McMahon & Triple H's Authority and a Canadian everyman tries to crown one of the most meteoric years in pro wrestling history with a decent title run, a 45 year old part-time rocker fooled around and got a clipboard over bigger than anything else on Monday nights.

Pro wrestling, everybody.

Seriously, Y2J's best friendship with KO and his List have so dominated Raw and this storyline that it's hard to remember much else since the last PPV.

We remember that Seth was so pissed after Clash he defied doctor's and General Manager Mick Foley's orders to angrily walk toward an episode of Jericho's "Highlight Reel"...

For a couple weeks after Rollins was cleared from his rib contusions, he wrestled Jericho (there's that name again). We all thought this would be where the match at Hell in a Cell would become a Triple Threat, or the Ayatollah of Rock 'n' Rolla was made special guest referee for the Universal title match. But while Seth was able to plant a few seeds of doubt in JeriKO's minds, they march into Boston as a united front.

How do we know? Because they spent last Monday kicking his ass... after he pinned the two of them single-handedly, of course.

WHO WINS?

Chris Jericho's Hall of Fame resume. Oh, the match?

WINNER

Sean made his pick here. Eddie had to pass the baton before he made a selection, but he'd probably agree with his co-author (and everyone else in the world) and say Owens via shenanigans.

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What say you? Join the best wrestling community in the galaxy beginning at 7PM Eastern to see if this match goes on first, or if the internet virtually burns Vince McMahon in effigy.