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Your Weekly Dose of Satire: Roman Reigns, Injuries, Bullet Club, more!

Welcome back to the #1 recommended source of fake professional wrestling news, it's Your Weekly Dose of Satire. If you haven't figured it out yet, these are a bunch of news stories that I just make up. I do this for your entertainment and my personal amusement, so enjoy. On to the fake news!

Hello fellow truth seekers. It's time once again for yours truly to bring you the stories no one else has. Be careful, the truth can be a dangerous thing.

  • After initial reports suggested that WWE was pleased with how the Stone Cold treatment was working for Roman Reigns, it appears Vince McMahon is not sold and has begun to flip a coin each Monday to determine whether Reigns will be Stone Cold or Daniel Bryan.
  • Word is that John Cena's comments about the seriousness of his shoulder injury has made it unlikely that he will make a surprise return at the Royal Rumble but he could still be back for Raw the following night.
  • Speaking of injuries, the word is Rusev is still denying a knee injury and said he was only seen using a wheel chair because his leg had fallen asleep.
  • An insider at WWE corporate that I met with was adamant that there was still no deal set to bring Bullet Club members into WWE and made no comment on the dozens of boxes of merchandise in his office.
  • According to sources close to Vince, Tyler Breeze's push was ended because Vince McMahon got on an escalator behind him and Tyler was standing on the escalator instead of climbing it. Vince yelled at him for being a lazy millennial.
That's it for this week. I'll be back again next Sunday to bring you the hottest news stories that no one else has or will have.

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Results of last week's Satirical Top 5 below

Your Satirical Top 5 WCW Matches

1. Hollywood Hogan vs Kevin Nash for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship on Monday Nitro January 4th, 1999 - 40%
2. Hulk Hogan vs The Giant Sumo Monster Truck Match - 21%
3. Billy Kidman vs Shane Douglas Viagra on a Pole Match - 16%
4. Buff Bagwell vs Kanyon Judy Bagwell on a Forklift Match - 14%
5. Sting vs Vampiro Human Torch Match - 8%

The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Cageside Seats readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Cageside Seats editors or staff.