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Asuka Facts: Get To Know NXT's Newest Signee

Asuka on Twitter

Many people know about Kanako Urai. Best known as the stiff-kicking joshi Kana, the well-traveled wrestler/geek/lover of American culture made her NXT debut last night as Asuka. No, not the Tekken beauty of the same name. Asuka as in Lioness Asuka, one half of the most successful joshi duo in the history of ever, the Crush Gals. And if new Asuka is as successful as original Asuka, we might as well prepare the Hall of Fame bust.

But many people do not know about the stiff-kicking joshi known as Asuka. This post is for those people. So... here are a few things you should know about NXT's new face of fear.

  • Some magicians can walk on water. Asuka can swim through land.
  • Asuka is the reason Waldo hides.
  • Asuka knows where in the world is Carmen Sandiego. 24 hours a day.
  • Asuka was once bit by a rattlesnake. The rattlesnake died three days later.
  • Chuck Norris can whistle in 14 languages. Asuka can smile in at least 36.
  • She waits until the smile left his face and then she goes after him. She kills his kids, she kills his wife, she kills his parents and his parents' friends. She burns down the houses he lives in and the stores he works in, she kills people that owe him money. And like that, she was gone. (from AntonSirius)
  • Even Keyser Soze fears for his life when Asuka smiles. (from Hasukawa)
  • Asuka ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. And got one.
  • Asuka once tried to start an account on, but it was cancelled within minutes because no one is a match for Asuka.
  • Asuka can rub two ice cubes together and start a fire. She can also look at said ice cubes and start a fire if she doesn't feel like making the effort.
  • Some people sleep with Superman pajamas. Superman sleeps in Chuck Norris pajamas. Chuck Norris sleeps in Asuka pajamas.
  • Speaking of sleeping, Asuka doesn't sleep. She waits.
  • When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he checks the closet for Asuka.
  • Asuka scared the animatronics from Five Nights at Freddys to death.
  • Asuka once killed a person with kindness. (from The Amazing A-Hole)
  • Bears play dead so Asuka doesn't kill them. (from The Amazing A-Hole)
  • Freddy Kreuger has nightmares about Asuka. (from The Amazing A-Hole)
  • Asuka's hair is red from the blood of her opponents. (from The Amazing A-Hole)
  • Asuka doesn't age; she steals the youth from her opponents with her kicks. (from The Amazing A-Hole)
  • Asuka put fear in God. (from The Amazing A-Hole)
  • Asuka doesn't fear going to Hell; Hell fears Asuka might be coming. (from LordBan)
  • Asuka is Japanese for "Somebody gon' get they ass kicked. Somebody gon' get their wig split." (from D.E.O.)
  • Asuka doesn't use white-out. She just blows the error off the page.
  • NASA totally landed on the moon. It just happened to be at the time Asuka was looking at it, which is why the moon landing looks weird.
  • Asuka doesn't sweat. It's just water leaving her body as a natural perfume.
  • A picture is worth a thousand words. It's been said a picture of Chuck Norris is 2,000 words. Asuka is an entire novel. Unfortunately, nobody has gotten past the cover.
  • Asuka doesn't so much swim as much as water just wants to be around her.
  • Asuka has never killed a person. The universe killed them to save her the trouble. (from MegaL3)

I know some people will try to dispute these facts, but I assure you that these are one hundred percent true and cannot be disputed in any court of law. Anyways, Asuka's gonna have her in-ring debut soon, and there will be a trail of bodies in her wake. NXT won't know what hit them.

So... anything else about Asuka we should know? Share with the rest of the Cagesiders.

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