Cue the Sarah McLachlan music.
(Seriously, go ahead. But I'd advise against actually looking at the video as those commercials are depressing as hell.)
In America, 10 tables are destroyed every hour. Innocent tables who want nothing more than to hold your food as you eat, support your feet as you relax, and keep your computer as you write ridiculous Tag Team Preview articles.
While some tables are broken by natural causes, there are many more being attacked and abused. There is a scourge amongst us. A scourge known as the Dudley Boyz. Long thought extinct form the WWE landscape, these callous table destroyers recently returned, reeking havoc our innocent four legged friends everywhere. Some may call them one of the most decorated tag teams in WWE history. While that may be true, they are also a threat to our wooden family members.
But luckily, there are three angels out there who are looking out for these tables who cannot help themselves. These angels are three men known as the New Day (as pictured below.)
Close but not quite.
There we go.
This New Day, these Knights of All Tables (round and other), are the WWE tag team champions. However their titles and their protection of the tables are at risk. After defeating the Prime Time Players on Raw last Monday to retain the tag belts, they must defend them against the destructive table plague that are the Dudleys at the Night of Champions Pay Per View this Sunday. The Boyz may claim that they just want to win the Tag Team Championships for a tenth time, but the truth is they want to hold more power to continue their tornado of table terror.
The New Day needs your support.
For just $9.99 per month, you can support the New Day in their quest to save tables every where. Just turn on the WWE Network tomorrow night at 8 PM Eastern to donate your positivity to these valiant champions as they battle these deviant Dudleys for the sake of all tables. We also ask that you sign this petition stopping this meaningless violence.
If you sign the petition and send your positivity to the New Day, we will send you a picture of a table that you helped save, a table that will find a great home to a great family where it will be loved.
Please, won't you help the New Day... and the tables?