'Total Divas' recap: An Unwanted Proposal

The episode opens up with Nikki caressing a giant John Cena face. So things are already THE BEST.

The play-wrestle and Brie KNOCKS NIKKI'S HAT OFF.

So now there's NO way to tell them apart. Oh, hey, it's Pat Patterson!

Sweet Madame Tussaud's impression, Pat.

This week is the week that Bryan vacates his title due to injury. Aw, man :( :( :(

Brie talks about how this breaks her heart and it's still rough to watch even all these months later, knowing he's more or less okay.

Meanwhile, Paige is spending time at home with her boyfriend, Kevin. They go ring-shopping together and he's trying to play it all cool while trying to figure out what size ring she is. Paige catches on because she's not an idiot and is weirded out by it. He puts on a bunch of jewelry for her and he's really a pretty lovable goof. Just like her!

TAMINA INTRODUCTION FACE OF THE WEEK:

Naomi, Paige, Foxy, Tamina and Jon are all out to dinner and Jon makes fun of the amount of butter on Paige's steak and fries.

Paige says he's like a walking cartoon. She's right!

Naomi says that Jon should start doing stand-up comedy. Jon thinks he doesn't have the chops to be a stand-up; he's just a goofy guy. He has a realistic assessment of himself! He says he's not doing the stand-up thing ... but then Naomi pulls his hair.

Nikki and Brie go on a picnic and they say they feel like they're on a date, before following up with the requisite "Ew." Brie says she's torn because as a performer, she doesn't want Bryan's career to be over, but as a wife, she wants him to stop wrestling before he gets seriously injured. Nikki points out that Bryan is living his dream and that some people are willing to die for their dreams. THIS EPISODE IS GETTING TOO REAL.

At Paige's house, Emma gives her crap because everyone can read that Kevin is totally about to propose to her. Emma is convinced Kevin has hidden a ring at their house, so they and a roommate go looking for it.

Emma thinks she's found it, but it turns out to be ... a big coin.

lol

Paige didn't find a ring, but she just discovered her boyfriend is a numismatist!

Oh wait they find a ring box in the sleeve pocket of a jacket in the closet.

Yep, it's a ring. Paige commences flipping the f*ck out.

Paige says she loves Kevin, but she doesn't want to get married right now, because it's way too real. We've all been there. She's bummed because she doesn't really know what to do or how to handle this.

Bryan and Brie go out to dinner with the family Bella and Brie breaks the news that Bryan's personal doctor has cleared him, but they just need to get the clearance from WWE's doctors. We uh ... we already know how that goes.

JJ says Bryan has already done this for 15 years, so he would be pretty fortunate to be able to walk away at age 34. Bryan points out that the past two years were the first two years of his life that he's made any serious money and that he and Brie aren't set up well enough financially for him to walk away right now.

A wild Dolph Ziggler appears!

He says he's booked Jon a three-minute set at the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles. He's out here doing comedy with his brother all the time. Jon is overwhelmed and instantly super nervous.

Renee Young tries to set Jon at ease by recounting her own stand-up experience: in that it was horrifying, but at least she did it.

Thanks, Renee!

Paige pulls Rosa, Foxy, Emma and Nattie outside at TV to talk to them about this impending proposal and shows them a photo of the ring.

Alicia asks, "Which one is it?" and Paige exasperatedly yells, "THE WEDDING FINGER, FOXY!" Paige demonstrates how awkward this proposal is going to be:

Yeah, pretty perfect impression, Paige. Nattie says Paige has to tell Kevin about finding the ring before he proposes. They then get startled by pyro.

Back at home, Jon has an electric fly-swatter and he fakes like he's going to zap Naomi's face.

Naomi's father says her husband is funny and that they're made for each other. Jon agrees to try out his stand-up on them and they try to make him feel at ease by ... uh ... by actually being in their underwear.

That's not how it works at all, guys. Not at ALL.

It turns out that Jon's stand-up material is almost entirely embarrassing stuff about Naomi, including her farting to excess in the morning. Naomi's father is DYING laughing. Naomi, understandably, is less enthused.

Backstage, Alicia Fox's chest is hurt, so she ices it down with a jug of milk.

Nattie REALLY loves that gag.

Naomi runs into Dolph and admits she didn't know Jon's stand-up set was going to be so embarrassing and personal. Dolph says the reality is what makes comedy fun and everyone has to be able to laugh at themselves sometime.

Paige and Kevin go out to dinner and Paige does a really deep voice, followed by a ditzy American accent. These two are just so cute.

Just say you'll marry him already, Paige. Sheesh. She tells the camera she loves him to bits, but doesn't know if she's ready to marry him yet. She gets too freaked out during dinner and scarpers off to the loo (English terms) to ring Foxy.

She cuts the evening short, feigning illness, so they head back home.

Naomi meets with Jon at a backstage photo shoot and asks to hear his new, non-Naomi-based material. It's all hacky dad jokes. Whoops, you ruined his set!

Nikki and Brie sign a special 8x10 for Bryan, which includes Nikki signing her name as Nikki "SWEET HAMS" Bella.

HOLY CRAP, NIKKI RULES. I KNEW IT.

Bryan heads off to get evaluated by the WWE doctors. Brie sends him on his way with a kick in the butt.

Paige is still very stressed out backstage and Alicia tells her there's nothing she can do to prevent this. He's either going to ask her or he isn't and they'll have to deal with it. Paige says she'll tell Kevin she wants to be with him, but isn't ready to get engaged yet.

Brie and Bryan meet back up again after his evaluation. He tells her the WWE is afraid of letting him wrestle. He's not sure where his career goes from here. He's frustrated and bummed out about it and he says it doesn't really make sense to him. He and Brie argue a bit about what's best for them. Bryan says if she doesn't feel comfortable enough with him wrestling, he won't. She says she won't say that, because she's worried about him holding it against her for the rest of his life. He presses her to answer the question and she says, "To be honest, I don't feel like it matters what I say." And then silence.

DAMN.

Naomi and Jon are about to head out to his comedy night and all he has at this point is knock-knock jokes. He's nervous about his set and is convinced that he's going to bomb.

Naomi is upset seeing Jon like this, so she tells him he can do whatever jokes he wants to do. He has so many jitters he considers stopping their car to barf. He's nervous all the way into the Laugh Factory and all the way up until he does onstage.

Uce's set starts off rickety, but he finds his groove quickly by riffing on how tough it is to go to the beach with Dolph Ziggler.

Jon's a natural! And Naomi is happy he didn't do a single joke about her. Everybody wins!

Paige and Kevin are driving around and he asks her to take him to a tattoo shop. Oh hey there, Stevie Ray Vaughn caricature tattoo on Kevin's forearm:

Kevin shows Paige the transfer and asks what she thinks of it.

OH SNAP IT'S HAPPENING

ALERT ALERT THIS IS A PROPOSAL

(For real, though: bonus points for a creative, tattoo-based proposal.) Also, this guy is watching the proposal in the background:

She freaks out for a bit before saying, "Yeah," although not really confidently. SHE SAID YEAH!

He says they can have a long engagement, maybe! She thinks she's sure about it.

Convincing!

Hooray! Next week, the Total Divas go on vacation in Mexico and Paige asks Nattie if TJ is gay and tells everyone about her engagement and ... oh god, they find out Dusty died while they're on vacation.

:(