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WWE Raw preview (September 14, 2015): Captivated by curiosity

Muuuftah on YouTube

With only six nights to go until the next pay-per-view (PPV) and one live televised show, WWE will be trying to convince you to tune in on Sunday night for Night of Champions.

Actually, the probably don't care that much, as long as you've already given them $9.99 and an email address. They'd probably like you to Tweet about it, but, yeah...a more pressing concern is staving off another ratings hit when Monday Night Football airs a doubleheader over on ESPN.

Here's what they're telling us they'll be up to on their "season premiere", and what we think about it.

Making HERstory

Battles in the #DivasRevolution must be making it difficult to get messages from the front, because I'm having a heck of time deciphering what exactly is at stake tonight on Raw.

Our champion, Nikki "wins and losses don't matter" Bella has fought against attractiveness-shaming her whole career. After successfully bringing about a new age of women's wrestling, she's on the cusp of setting the record for the longest time holding a title named with a term that's synonymous with "difficult woman" and designed to look like a rap/rock song from 2000 that people are embarrassed to admit they used to sing out loud in strip clubs (wait, is that just me?).

Or, our challenger, Char "WOO" lotte has brought this new age with her from NXT, where she always dreamed of being #1 contender. And main eventing WrestleMania. She also doesn't want Nikki having a Bellabration without a fight.

Or, Stephanie "Yas Kween" McMahon brought about this new age when she called up Ric Flair's daughter and two more talented pro wrestlers from Developmental. And when she and her husband are feeling like playing babyface, they agree that something as illustrious as a scripted championship tenure shouldn't eclipse another pre-determined title reign without a choreographed battle.

Or, none of this matters anyway, since (1) it's not real and (2) Michael Cole said so.

What they should do: A show full of vignettes interviewing current Divas and great women wrestlers of the past on the significance of the night ends with Charlotte vs. Nikki getting 20 - 30 minutes in the main event. After having spent the last week blocking out and practicing the match with Sara Amato, Triple H, Joey Mercury, Fit Finlay, Norman Smiley and Lita, The Fearless One and The Nature Girl tear the house down, forever banishing the "bathroom break" joke to the dark ages.

What we're afraid they'll do: They tease The Rock as Roman Reigns & Dean Ambrose's mystery partner all night, and then put the Divas title match on with no build in the next to last spot of the night. Vince McMahon changes the outcome in Gorilla, and a botch-filled match ends in a confusing schmoz that's so reviled it not only kills the future of a Charlotte vs. Nikki feud, but Paige vs. Charlotte, too.

Three Big Dog Night

Bray Wyatt hasn't been this unstoppable since he got Daniel Bryan to dress as an unemployed mechanic.

With his 'Black Sheep' Braun Strowman, the former strongman who fans find reminiscent of everyone from Snitsky to Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds, the Eater of Worlds has finally gotten the upper hand on those pesky Shield kids, Roman & Dean. And not just with by virtue of the giant new recruit throwing Reigns & Ambrose around, but pretty much anyone who thinks about teaming - or even shares a knowing glance backstage - with them.

The best buds are booked to face Bray, Braun & Luke Harper in six-man tag action this Sunday in Houston, but as the astute mathematician's among you will have noticed, Ambreigns are not presently half of six.

Who can they get to join their cause when the big guy in the creepy mask keeps stomping out anyone in their general vicinity.

What they should do: First, tease the third man this week, but save it for Sunday.

Then, have it be a big reveal. The only currently active roster member who should be considered is Cesaro, but that might just be because I'm a giant mark for the guy and will probably cry a lot if he's not on the card this weekend.

No, if he's as cleared as he keeps saying he is by every doctor who doesn't work for Vince, it's got to be our boy D-Bry. Not only does Daniel Bryan have ties to both The Shield and The Wyatts, he'll blow the roof off the joint in Texas. Even The Beard probably can't pop a number on Raw next week, but a surprise return on PPV is probably good for a a spike in Network subs.

What we're afraid they'll do: Other than the above-mentioned women's wrestling sabotaging Dwayne Johnson tease? Probably Kane. Bai Gawd, it's gonna be Kane, isn't it?

Other stuff to keep an eye on:

- Clap therapy must really work. Otherwise, I don't know how tag champs The New Day would be able to stay positive. Busy trying to #SaveTheTables, Big E, Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods now have to defend their titles twice in one week. Well, if they can beat PrimeTime Players tonight, that is. But let us not be sour and assume they win...they'll then get The Dudley Boyz at NoC.

- Speaking of protecting things you can buy at Bed, Bath & Beyond, Seth Rollins has vowed to avenge his statue, pulverized last week at the hands of the man he'll face for the WWE title on Sunday, Sting. The Architect also has to worry about John Cena, who's coming for the U.S. title, and probably Triple H, who's coming for his legacy.

- The way last week went, Rusev could give Charlie Sheen lessons on winning. Will the Bulgarian's streak continue, or will Dolph Ziggler, or even cold-fish-in-a-sling Lana, return to humble him in Memphis tonight?

- Only one titleholder is without a match at the championship-themed show this weekend, and that's Intercontinental king Ryback. Kevin Owens has been taunting him on Mondays, Stardust and Bo Dallas messed with him as lumberjacks in his bout with Rollins last Thursday...he'll probably be fed more, but on a diet of what?

- Regardless of anything that happens between him and THE BIG GUY, whatever path of cosmic destruction The Strange One had planned on paving through the WWE Universe with The Ascension will have to go through Neville and the Lucha Dragons.

- Cesaro has replaced Ryback in the threeway dance of depression with Big Show and The Miz.

Night of Champions is Sunday!

What do you think they should, or are afraid they will, do on Raw tonight?

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