WWE Universe. Feeling a bit dejected lately? Perhaps, you're upset by the build to SummerSlam? Mournful by the thought of a jealous Deadman main eventing a match that's too-big-for-WrestleMania-but-it-really-isn't? Or just gloomy over the projected idea that John Cena could break Ric Flair's record for World Heavyweight Championships. Well, whatever it is that has you down whether it's a Diva's revolution that isn't revolting against anything or just the program itself, there's a cure to all of that.
It's called Clap Therapy.
Clap Therapy is your answer to make some room for optimism. Even if it's not all, hopefully some is enough for you to enjoy the melancholy that is WWE. And I would like to focus with you on those positives that has helped brought joy to the WWE Universe and show why whenever you're feeling glum, all you have to do is clap.
Big Ain’t Enough… We Need Strive
Meet Big E (sans Langston). Hi, Big E.
After a less-than-stellar run as Intercontinental Champion, Mr. E was in a downfall. Not only was his reign as midcard champion dull to non-existent, but now he was in a battle to find his position among the WWE Universe. Unfortunately, the only position Mr. E had become accustomed to that was worth noting was this one…
Despite having the strength of seven oxen and possessed the power of life in one bosom, something was missing. I mean, he had the look; muscles on muscles on muscles that the Master Overlord of the Universe would faint at but still, Mr. E was left directionless, fighting in random feuds throughout the year, often times on the losing end. In one year, he lost the Intercontinental Champion, his last name, and let down America in his battle against the Bulgarian Brute, Rusev. Safe to say, Big E was treading water in the WWE Universe.
Until, he discovered Clap Therapy.
Through this practice, Big E was able to translate that ever so loveable persona that he had demonstrated on social media onto our individual screens at home. Not only was he enjoying himself, he finally found what was lacking throughout his career – a voice. And boy, did he ever find it. A bit on the southern-preacher-mixed with-MLK but it did work. Eventually. That natural charisma that we hadn’t got the opportunity to see had finally shined through. That untapped potential that was buried inside his massive body wrapped in a singlet was finally getting some good use and was making the most of his time on screen.
Big E is your reason to clap.
The Heel We Deserved
This is Kofi Kingston. Hi, Kofi.
Mr. Kingston has had an astonishing career where he awed the WWE Universe with his amazing arsenal of athletic abilities, all while claiming 11 championships under his belt, and is an overall likeable guy. However, by this time, Mr. Kingston had become stale, wasn’t connecting with the Universe and pretty much had a forgettable year. To pile it on, he was jobbing to the Bulgarian Brute, Rusev and his short-lived tag team partner, The Miz left him high and dry…
But don’t let the bright-colored tights fool ya, this former Jamaican was at his boiling point. Or was he? To be honest, we didn’t know, and neither did creative. Mr. Kingston had always been a consistent and entertaining performer in the ring. From his Royal Rumble spots, to his performances in the Money in the Bank matches, no matter what he did, it just wasn’t enough. Even worse when everyone knew he was doing it in a losing effort.
Introduce a little Clap Therapy.
After nearly a decade in WWE, Mr. Kingston’s on-air persona was always a go-lucky and smiling individual who did some flippy stuff. However, he never got to do something new, something fresh, something that allowed him to develop his character and prove that he could show more range. A heel turn was just what the doctor prescribed. The WWE Universe didn’t need him to be a heel, but Kofi deserved it because it’s been long overdue. Finally, a Kofi Kingston that was exciting, where people could tell he’s been waiting to break out. A Kofi Kingston that was suddenly cool and interesting.
Kofi Kingston is your reason to clap.
Personality in High Definition
Everybody, Xavier Woods. Mr. Woods, everybody. Hi, Xavier.
When Mr. Woods arrived to the WWE Universe, he didn’t necessarily make a remarkable impression. From 90’s fanboy down at NXT to constantly calling his momma on the main roster, he didn’t exactly set the world on fire with his cycle of gimmicks. Eventually, he became dispensable and was used as random filler with no set character. Oh, and he also was squashed by the Bulgarian Brute, Rusev. And let’s not forget that this happened…
*pulls collar* Yikes!
Mr. Woods is an intelligent individual. Not only does he have a Masters in Psychology but is also pursuing his PhD. He showcased that intellect after Kofi and Big lost their tag match against RybAxel. He wanted to reaffirm that they all needed to find focus and a purpose in order to establish themselves. Mr. Woods exhibited some strong promo skills, perhaps even some managerial potential. Shortly after, the collective of Big, Kofi, and Xavier were all off screen.
Can you feel it!?
Now, I know he’s no Paul Heyman. He’s no Dario Cueto or Catrina from another alternate Universe, but I’ll be damned if Xavier Woods is not the best on-air personality right at this moment. The man spits gold when he opens his mouth. Not only has he been able to display his in-ring skills more but his antics at ringside have been phenomenal. We’re talking about his reactions, facial expressions, his notable one-liners like when he responded after the crowd chanted New Day Sucks: "Why? We’re winning!" or "I’m gonna call Gravity, Neville!" He even introduced a new phrase to our internet lexicon - #TricepMeat. Not to mention, cleverly sneaking various pop culture references that may or may not have gone over some of your heads. Uncle Luke would be proud. And it’s all due to Clap Therapy.
Xavier Woods is your reason to clap.
After stewing and having no on-air appearances, through the power of positivity – Xavier Woods, Kofi Kingston, and Big E introduced a New Day to the WWE Universe.
Birds are rad, man. They just exude positivity. They just get to be themselves and fly wherever not worrying. Just like the members of the New Day.
However, the WWE Universe was less than receptive when the New Day was originally introduced. They weren’t buying this overly cheesy presentation of zeal and preachy *cough* also a bit racist *cough* clichéd white-meat babyfaces. Because what they saw and heard weren’t these cheerful, free-spirited birds that soared without a care in the sky saying, "What a time to be alive!" No to the Universe, they were the birds that posts up at 4AM that says, "What a beautiful morning, but you know what else this needs? Yelling!"
The smiles, claps and obnoxious positivity were quickly annoying audiences more than cheering them up. Soon, they began to respond back, "New. Day Sucks. New. Day Sucks." And with a delicate change in attitude, the New Day had arrived. With a simple clap of their hands, the WWE Universe spewed negativity towards the New Day. The fans’ outrage was perfect. Because they wanted to hate the New Day, they didn’t want to enjoy their perceived happiness, and their cynicism was the right fuel to the New Day’s fire. And both sides were white hot. Because through it all, they remained upbeat while exploiting the fans’ emotions – and that is the reason why Clap Therapy has been successful. And damn entertaining.
The New Day is your reason to clap. And also damn entertaining.
The Power of Positivity are Undeniable
You can become champions.
Twins will notice you while walking backstage.
It’s so infectious, even inanimate graffit’d statues come to life at the sound of the clap.
Still not a believer? No worries, just do it with me now…
And once you’re done with the Clap Therapy, you get to finish the session with celebratory milk drink served in champagne glasses. Also, as a complimentary gift, you will also receive a New Day rock.
This stone is a delightful offering that serves not only as décor but a natural healer to remind you to think positively. And then you too, could carry a mediocre flag-shipped program on Monday nights at 8PM on the USA Network.
And just remember, whenever you're feeling down or want to brighten up someone else’s mood…
AAAAAAWWWW, DON'T YOU DARE BE SOUR! CLAP FOR THE NEW DAY AND FEEEEEEL THE POWAAAAAAHHHH!