What you need to know
If only people would stop punching him in the mouth, and kicking him in the nuts, Seth Rollins could be unstoppable.
Mr. Money in the Bank was trying to tell us all about how he was going to embarrass Jon Stewart on Raw, when the #1 contender to the WWE World Heavyweight Champion sauntered out to show him up. Rollins explained to Roman Reigns that he knows from personal experience that his former Shield-brother can't beat Brock Lesnar (a point Paul Heyman would make better later on in the evening - believe that), but The Big Dog wasn't hearing it, so he clocked Seth right in the face. That set up Monday's main event.
Randy Orton promised to have Rollins' back in that one, which is better than what R-Truth had for Dean Ambrose. What's up with Truth is that he might as well have on a jester's hat, but he did take a break from acting the fool on commentary during The Lunatic Fringe's match with Bad News Barrett to steal the back the Intercontinental he'd stolen for Dean on Smackdown last week.
Truth would eventually give the title to Luke Harper twice - once after this match and again after Harper's bout with Daniel Bryan - under some duress. The former Wyatt Family member not only wanted to be put in the angle for the IC belt with Barrett, Ambrose, Bryan, Dolph Ziggler and R-T, he also wanted to Instagram of a picture of it in his mouth. Good thing Luke has that pic, too, since he got Superkicked by The Show-Off, who left Newark with the white & gold.
His personal assistant tricked Miz into filming an erectile dysfunction commercial, and that's what he gets for bullying his way onto Damien Mizdow's gigs. Maybe Bray Wyatt can get some pointers from our former Intellectual Savior, because building, catching a ride in and now setting fire to a casket haven't done the trick as far as getting Undertaker to show up to accept his challenge for WrestleMania.
John Cena can not get Rusev to give in to his demands for a U.S. title rematch, and now even Stephanie McMahon won't let him into the Andre the Giant Memorial! Poor Cena...at least he can take it out on someone we know will be at 'Mania: the often imitated but never eliminated Curtis Axel.
THE VIGILANTE Sting was able to get Triple H to agree to a match on the Grandest Stage of Them All - at least I think that was how that Fastlane negotiation went -and that leaves Hunter wanting to take out his frustrations on someone. With Mr. WCW 1996 not around, this week that person was Booker T, who got fake fired from his announcing job. Those WWE guys from The Attitude Era sure are sore winners.
Paige is done having to fight the Bellas one-on-two, because AJ Lee has returned to give Divas a chance. Natalya will probably have to get a divorce to give herself a chance, because Tyson Kidd keeps talking over her and leaving her out to dry in mixed tag matches.
Like Kevin Owens in NXT, Jon Stewart debuted and is immediately a contender for best guest star ever. He saved us from a not-very-good Daily Show sketch with Rollins and J & J Security, tried to talk sense to the Authority's "poster boy" then, when that failed, used a distraction from Randy Orton to deliver a "left footer to the groinal area" of The Future and bounce.
The Viper would play dumb as to the role he played in that humiliation of his stable-mate, and even atone for it by stopping Roman from delivering a Spear in the main event to help Rollins secure a pinfall victory. But the mind games would continue when a winking Orton walked to the back, leaving Kane, Big Show and the rest of Team Authority to take Reigns' retribution without him.
What to look out for
The show formerly known as the blue brand headed down the East Coast and settled in Frank Underwood's neck of the woods for this week's taping. You can cast your ballot early by checking the spoilers from Washington, D.C. right here.
A member of Team Fired is one of pre-announced matches for tonight, as Big Hungry warms up for the 'Mania battle royal by fighting Kane. A win over The Authority's corporate demon would give Ryback momentum heading into the Andre Memorial. That match only really made waves on Monday when Steph made it clear who wouldn't be in it. Might we get a few more names added tonight?
We'll also see if any more names get added to the other multi-man affair on the card for Santa Clara, as Harper & Ambrose were officially added to the ladder match to decide who keeps the Intercontinental title. And who might walk out of D.C. with the belt that Dolph was last seen showing off.
Divas champ Nikki Bella and Paige were given at least four minutes worth of a chance on Monday before AJ skipped back into our lives. Tonight, we'll see what the Pint-sized Powder Keg can do against Brie in our other scheduled bout. Expect sister and/or frenemies to get liberally involved as Creative proves they can overbook for the ladies just like they do for the guys!
(Note: I know some folks have come looking for a more definitive match listing - that will be posted behind spoiler text in the comments. If WWE.com releases more information on anything that's officially going to take place on tonight's show, that'll be updated here)
No Brock Lesnar, no Undertaker, no Sting...but might tonight's biggest issue be no Jon Stewart?
Probably not, but that's never stopped us from being snarky. You can be snarky with the funniest and smartest collection of wrestling fans on the web...tonight in the cSs live blog!