WWE Smackdown preview (March 19, 2015): Is he a Goat or a Turd?

What you need to know

Iowa wanted to like Seth Rollins, but they don't call him Traitorface for nothing.  After running down his home state, Mr. Money in the Bank accepts apologies from Team Authority for not sniffing out Randy Orton's scheme last week.  Rollins had a scheme of his own lined up.  He accepted The Viper's WrestleMania challenge as long as Randy would face him in the main event of Raw.

The Divas got a chance, and the champ showed that despite her modeling roots and 'reality' show part-time gig, she's might be the main roster woman most deserving of it.  Nikki Bella put away AJ Lee with a Rack Attack after a match so long it required a commercial break.

Another Diva with a 'reality' show pedigree had the drama between he and his personal assistant come to a head in a way that Nikki's never really did with sister Brie.  Damien Mizdow didn't give in to Ryback urging him to hit his boss, but when Big Hungry finished off The Awesome One with Shellshocked, Miz fired his ex-stunt double with a Skull Crushing Finale.

In other Andre the Giant Memorial news, Big Show beat up but didn't bother to pin Erick Rowan, and Kane called a bunch of jobbers to the ring to prove his dominance, only to get chumped by Mark Henry.  If you were bored by a bunch of hosses posing for a match with nothing on the line, Kane & Show also quit on Rollins, along with J & J Security, seemingly taking away his advantage for the main event. DUH-DUH-DUHN

While we wait for Sheamus to return, if you want to see a foreigner get beat up, you'll have to settle for the United States title feud.  It doesn't seem to have a whole lot to do with the title, but it does have a lot to do with the Red, White and Blue.  John Cena wants to kick Rusev's ass for saying bad things about America that he's willing to...let him say a bunch of bad things about America?  The worst thing is, Lana has been replaced by a guy who thinks Balki from Perfect Strangers should have gotten William H. Macy's role in Fargo.

Tag champs Tyson Kidd & Cesaro prove they can clap better than The New Day, which has to really burn since I'm pretty sure that rhythm is one of the two character traits Xavier Woods, Kofi Kingston & Big E are allowed to display.  The Masters of the WWE Universe are also better at wrestling, or at least they were on Monday night.  They are not, however, a match for a little person in a bull costume, as El Torito hurricanrana-ed the Swiss Superman out of the ring so Los Matadores could stand tall.

The WWE World Heavyweight Champion consented to an interview, and reminded the world that he's a sadistic destroyer who will remain champ regardless of whether he re-signs with the company, or what Roman Reigns, or anyone else, thinks.  His advocate graced the ring with his presence to talk up The Big Dog again, but ultimately remind him that when it comes to The Beast Incarnate, he's a Samoan-AmeriCAN'T.  Reigns interrupted to try out his new catch phrase and get in a jab about Brock not being there.  But Paul Heyman told Renee Young that Roman better be careful what he wishes for, because his client will be on Raw next week.  And he doesn't think the challenger CAN or WILL do anything about it.

Our latest iteration of the Intercontinental title dosey doe was another six-man tag.  I guess they've decided that R-Truth is better on commentary than at wrestling, because he sat this one out again.  The good guys won when Dean Ambrose pinned the champ, but Bad News Barrett got the last laugh when he hit his Bull Hammer elbow on everybody and their mom.

Well, he didn't hit Undertaker with it, because he still wasn't there.  Bray Wyatt did pop up to tell us that the Dead Man's pyrotechnics didn't scare him, and that when he beats him at 'Mania...blah blah blah, ratta-tah-tah.

Finally, The Authority's dissension turned out to be a ruse (GASP).  But as Seth Rollins and his lackeys closed in on Orton, the lights went out.  When they came back, a baseball bat-wielding, black and white face painted icon was standing with The Apex Predator.  Jaime Noble and Joey Mercury took Sting and Randy's finishers, and their legendary team-up closed the show in a staredown with their opponents for next weekend.

What to look out for

WWE broke out that barbeque brush and slathered on some goodness when they taped Smackdown in Kansas City on Tuesday night (sorry, JR).  We won't spoil any results for you here, but if you want to find out what happened, we can satisfy that craving right here.

This is pretty much the second-to-last show before we head to Levi's Stadium on the 29th, since the last Smackdown before 'Mania is typically a clip show so everyone can get ready for a busy week at the site.  Combine that with the fact that this is the blue brand, and get ready for a steady diet of matches and segments designed to build toward the undercard bouts for Santa Clara.

Pre-announced for tonight are two battles that fit that bill.  The six-men who hope to officially claim Barrett's white and gold belt will run a gauntlet on their way to the ladder match.  And, coming soon to a pre-show near you, the tag champs and Natalya will go three-on-three with Los Matadores in what WWE is calling a 6 Being Interspecies Match.

Yeah...

Other than that, look for a Divas match featuring some Bella vs. some Legionnaire of Womb and probably something to make Roman look strong.  And I'm guessing Dolph and Dean will continue to try to get "turd" over as a nickname for Bryan, because "goat" didn't stick, and being a S.T.A.R. doesn't apply to McMahons chuckling at people they think are short and/or ugly.

(Note: I know some folks have come looking for a more definitive match listing - that will be posted behind spoiler text in the comments. If WWE.com releases more information on anything that's officially going to take place on tonight's show, that'll be updated here)

Is El Torito the reason why the trios match is inter-species, or will Jerry Lawler make a joke about Natty being a cow, too?

You know you're just dying to find out.  Watch tonight with your fellow Cagesiders and do just that!