John Cena was Jimmy Fallon's guest on The Tonight Show this week. Predictably, the future WWE Hall of Famer was composed and effervescent in promoting his upcoming movie, Sisters.
A plumb role in a major studio comedy with mainstream stars Amy Pohler and Tina Fey spells huge opportunity for Cena. How did WWE's poster boy suddenly become an in-demand comedic actor?
Among the many reasons is that Cena is notoriously easy to work with. He maintains a strong relationship with Vince McMahon (even when communications with Triple H and Stephanie become strained.) He is amiable in the locker room, especially with younger talent. Lastly, his extensive charity work paints him as an altruist in an otherwise cutthroat industry.
Cena is also a paragon of human wellness. His longevity and recuperation has reached legendary status. Of course, there's the aesthetic standpoint, too. His Adonis-like physique is something to admire or aspire to, depending on your perspective.
Put simply, John Cena has diversified his virtues beyond the ring and the result is a burgeoning second career in Hollywood along with the promise of many successful years to come with WWE.
Compare him to current WWE Intercontinental Champion, Kevin Owens.
Owens is enjoying a good deal of success in his rookie year in WWE. Sixth place in the Wrestler Wrankings is nothing to sneeze at! That being said, for a guy who regularly challenged for John Cena's US Championship at the onset of the season, and has held the Intercontinental Championship for some time now, his point total is unremarkable. And while his debut feud against the aforementioned Cena generated plenty of buzz, general interest in his doings have subsided greatly since then.
Still, Owens is a fine wrestler. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say he's the in-ring equal of John Cena. That's damn impressive.
Moving on to general attitude, Owens can be described as a sourpuss with a chip on his shoulder. Seemingly always out to prove himself to an invisible cabal of detractors and armed with an air of entitlement and his signature mouth click noise, Owens straddles the line between selfish and sociopath. He's certainly not the kind of guy I would trust with a supporting role in my major motion picture. Unless everything was perfectly molded around him, he would doubtless find fault with every aspect of the production. It would be a fiasco.
That brings us to the uncomfortable topic of Kevin Owens' physical fitness.
The issue isn't that Kevin Owens is fat. There have been plenty of morbidly obese wrestlers that have achieved astounding levels of success. King Kong Bundy headlined Wrestlemania, Rikishi attained fleeting crossover fame thanks to his physique and dancing acumen, and Yokozuna was WWE Champion. Clearly, an abundance of adipose tissue isn't nesessarily an impediment in professional wrestling.
What is concerning is how Owens feels about himself.
Let's piece it together. He wears a boxy muscle tee and oversized jams to obscure his midsection. His beard is clearly an effort to mask a soft jaw. He wears compression spandex tucked into his trunks to cover as hide as much skin as possible. And he wears nothing but black, the most slimming of all colors!
A guy like Kamala or Abdullah the Butcher was way fatter than Owens, but they wore it loud and proud. The truth is clear. The only person who takes issue with Kevin Owens weight is Kevin Owens, himself.
Kevin Owens is a good to very good wrestler, but he's no Daniel Bryan, Bret Hart, or Brock Lesnar. Speaking of the Beast Incarnate, he's another guy who brings little to the table outside of the ring, but he is a historically great wrestler. As it stands, nearly all of Owens' value is tied up in his wrestling ability. And if that's the case, then sixth place isn't good enough.
In a way, Owens' single-mindedness is admirable. He is forcing himself to succeed in the ring to maintain his status, but there's a fine line between being daring and foolhardy. Can this self-professed family man afford to take that chance?
OFFICIAL WRESTLER WRANKINGS FORMULA
ANY WIN = 2 POINTS
US OR INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE BOUT = 1 POINT
WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE BOUT = 3 POINTS
NON "BIG 4" PPV BONUS = 1.5X
SUMMERSLAM, SURVIVOR SERIES, ROYAL RUMBLE = 2X BONUS
WRESTLEMANIA = 3X BONUS
The WWE season begins on the day after WrestleMania 31 and culminates with WrestleMania 32. The wrestler who accumulates the most points over the course of the season, wins the coveted Wrankings Championship!
Monday Night Raw-- 12/7/15
WRESTLER WRANKINGS, WEEK 37 *TOP TEN*
1. Seth Rollins -- 92 points
2. Roman Reigns -- 83.5
3. Ryback -- 78
4. John Cena -- 71.5
5. Neville -- 63
6. Kevin Owens -- 62.5
7. Dean Ambrose -- 56.5
8. Sheamus -- 54.5
9. Dolph Ziggler -- 41.5
10. Randy Orton -- 39
Thanks for reading, Cagesiders. We'll see you back here next week!