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WHO?
Saraya-Jade Bevis, aka Paige. 5'8", 120 lbs., Norwich, England. Twice WWE Divas Champion and the first NXT Womens Champion. Once held both championships at the same time. Daughter to wrestling parents. Sister to wrestling brothers. Refers to arenas she's in as her house. Winner at life. Has a better Instagram than you. Has a mom that could kill you with her bare hands. Seriously, you should fear this woman. Also, the real star of Total Divas.
Natalie Katherine Neidhart, aka Natalya. 5'5", 135 lbs., Calgary. Alberta, Canada. WWE Divas Champion in a past life. Daughter to wrestling parents. Sister to wrestling brothers. Married to a wrestler, because that's what the female Harts do. Lover of cats, hater of Bellas. Second fiddle to a guy who interweaves "fact" into random sentences for some reason. Somehow gets more time on Total Divas than Paige. 1/14 part of Wrestling Observer Newsletter's Worst Worked Match of 2013.
Brianna Monique Danielson and Nicole Garcia-Colace, aka Brie and Nikki, the Bella Twins. 5'6" each, combined weight of about 255 lbs., Scottsdale, Arizona. Brie: married to Daniel Bryan Danielson, less endowed, likes to use the word "bitch" a lot, though she's toned down on it in recent months. Once feuding with sister Nikki, but reunited because Total Divas and fuck you, that's why. Has really shitty theme song. NikkI: dating John Cena, who doesn't want kids for some reason. WWE Divas Champion for some reason. Also a real estate agent. More well-endowed of the two Bellas. Once wished Brie died in the womb on worldwide television. Somehow has improved in the ring, but can't help shake the fact that she's still a Bella. Combined, 1/7 of Wrestling Observer Newsletter's Worst Worked Match of 2013 and Worst Feud of 2014. As Vince and company would like to tell you, the faces of Total Divas.
WHY ARE THEY FIGHTING?
Because Total Divas, that's why.
WHAT'S AT STAKE?
Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Except maybe your bladder. This would be a good time to empty it.
HISTORY
Something to keep in mind: these two... are a team on Sunday.
Turns out both Paige and Natalya have a win over the Divas champ since the year started. But you don't want wrestling highlights, you want Total Divas highlights. Here ya go.
Ok, some wrestling highlights.
WHO WINS?
In a perfect world, either Paige or Natalya pins the Divas Champion, setting up a possible three-way feud for the belt.
WINNER
But me thinks Nattie's idiot husband may have a say in the outcome. Bellas win because fuck you, that's why.
It's hard to get up for a match that will serve as the bathroom break before the triple threat match and the Royal Rumble. Which, by my math, means this match will probably be on the same time as Total Divas. Way to go, guys. Come on Cagesiders, make me (and you) care.