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WWE SummerSlam 2014 results, recap, reactions (Aug. 17): LOLCENALOSES

WWE returned to pay-per-view (PPV) -- WWE Network for most of us -- last night (Sun., Aug. 17, 2014) with its SummerSlam event at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California, featuring an incredibly fun show that might have actually been the best of the year so far.

Catch up on full results and the live blog by clicking here. Let's get right to reacting to all the night's events.



Did that really just happen?

I can't believe they went through with it.

Even though Brock Lesnar broke Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania 30 earlier this year, even though all the rumors told us he was winning this match, even though there was never any way to justify John Cena defeating him to retain the WWE world heavyweight championship, I didn't actually believe they would do it.

Then they did.

But that's not even the amazing part.

The amazing part is how they did it.

Brock Lesnar did not, in fact, leave John Cena in a pool of blood, and urine, and vomit. But he absolutely beat the ever loving shit out of Cena and he did, in fact, stand over him with the WWE world heavyweight championship title(s) as the new ruler of this world.

I, for one, welcome our new beastly overlord.

This happened, people.

A WWE world heavyweight championship bout was nothing more than a squash match and the guy who was getting squashed was JOHN CENA.

How did WWE follow up on beating the streak? They had the conqueror of it screaming over the biggest star of the past decade that he was going to die and then actually had him go through with killing him.

Segment grade: A+



"I loved you."

I went on and on about this in the SmackDown recap from just a couple days ago but they delivered so big with the Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins Lumberjack match that it's worth revisiting those points.

On SmackDown, Rollins told Ambrose "you were never my brother" and Dean responded by nearly breaking down into tears and consoling himself with self speak while sinking into a corner. To the uneducated who never bother to look past the surface, this was just more of the lunatic fringe crazy man act we're so used to WWE drilling into our heads.

To those who care about any semblance of depth to our stories, this was brilliant expression of all the pain within this man no one ever seems to bother to understand.

That brings us to last night's match. He finally got the chance to get his hands on Rollins and he wasted no time. The bell rang and he immediately rushed his former stablemate in a fit of fury.

He was waiting for this moment. It's been so close for weeks, he's been tasting it on his tongue, and he's addicted to it.

The match was furious. Ambrose sold his body out for it because, well, he would do anything to get revenge. But it wasn't even so much about revenge as it was making Seth feel all the pain he himself had caused when he stabbed his friends -- his brothers -- in the back.

But even then, Ambrose was human.

At the end, Dean picked Seth up, looked him in his eyes, and told him "I loved you. I loved you, Seth. I loved you." Then he delivered a Curb Stomp, Rollins' own finish.

And it tore him up. Again, he looked to the sky, near tears, shaking his head. Why did it have to be this way? Why did it come to this? He did love Seth, like he loves Roman Reigns and he would never do this to Roman. Yet here he was having to do this to Seth.

It hurt.

That's our Dean Ambrose. He's a wild man, maybe, quirky and unique in ways most won't understand. But more than anything he's a man in pain because someone he loved turn their back on him.

There's nothing crazy about that.

Segment grade: A+



But not least:

  • In an amazing twist, the Stephanie McMahon vs. Brie Bella match delivered everything we hoped it would. Not only were both surprisingly competent despite long layoffs -- over a decade in Stephanie's case -- but the extra planning went a long way toward making this a wrestling match worth watching. There was never any need to overbook it but the Nikki Bella heel turn was well executed as a surprise (a big one?!?) and I liked the intrigue they left with Nikki walking off looking conflicted and sad. I mean, did you see Brie standing over Triple H doing the "YES" chant after drop kicking him through the ropes? How great was that?
  • My only issues here were that I didn't like the general idea that it felt at least somewhat like we should have been marking out for simple spots like an arm drag. I don't want to watch a women's match and lose my shit over the basic fundamentals. To hell with a curve, go out there and get it done. Also, Brie's lack of understanding of pro wrestling psychology continues to be troublesome. You're coming out for a match against a woman who had you arrested and likely paid off some random woman to claim an affair with your husband that led to a slap that led to your arrest. Stop smiling and get pissed off already.
  • Last point on that match: Stephanie choreographed the YES Lock a little too much on the Pedigree counter at the finish.
  • I wasn't blown away by Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton but there are going to be a lot of articles written about this event and most of them are almost certainly not going to give Orton anywhere near the credit he deserves. He did everything he could to put Reigns over here and while the match was slower building up to the big spots, all those big spots hit perfectly. By the end of it, you enjoyed what you saw enough to forget about how slow it was to start with. The RKO counter to the Superman punch was especially fun.
  • Chris Jericho did the job for Bray Wyatt and that's all we could ever ask for. But he wasn't really putting over Bray, the wrestler, so much as he was putting over Bray, the monster. He was giving a boost to both, sure, but he was absolutely helping reestablish the character that took so many hits in the feud with John Cena. Plus, they really tightened things up from the first match.
  • Jim Ross is a big proponent of the phrase "maximize your minutes" and that's exactly what AJ Lee and Paige did last night. They weren't given nearly enough time but they blew away their Battleground match, giving us possibly the best one in the series, that featured maybe six spots total. That Black Widow reversal into the Rampaige was special.
  • Rusev is an amazing pro wrestler, not just because he moves well for a big man and hits his spots, but because he is the opposite of Brie Bella. He understands psychology and selling. He owned that Jack Swagger match in every way. Lana was also great with her dismissive boredom at everything Swagger and Zeb Colter do. The mocking "we the people" after her side won was the cherry on top. Rusev kicking Colter in the face felt like vindication for everyone who didn't forget that Colter was always awful and that didn't change because he found stock images of Americans at work.
  • Dolph Ziggler is your new Intercontinental champion and he won clean after a good match with The Miz, who is doing the best character work of his career. This was more or less the best way to kick off a PPV possible. Whether or not having the title will end up being a blessing or a curse for Ziggler remains to be seen but let's just let this feel good right now.
  • The Cesaro-Rob Van Dam match was good enough for what it was. Cesaro losing doesn't change much of anything because he's been killed dead at this point and beating RVD isn't changing anything in regards to his positioning within the company. When they decide to push him later, we'll forget all this nonsense. Hopefully.

This was an awesome show. For all the trolling Triple H and his crew have done for weeks on end about us awful Internet fans who are never happy, this felt like our show. Everything was booked exactly as it should have been and if they gave me the pencil and let me rewrite it, I don't think I would change a single thing.

How amazing was this?

Overall grade: A+

That's it from me, Cagesiders. Now it's your turn to sound off in the comments section below. How did you like the show, if you liked it at all?

(All photos via

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