What you need to know
Really, that sums up a lot of WWE's programming since Money in the Bank. This week hasn't been different. Raw opened with a brief promo from the Big Dog that ended with Kane eating a Superman punch and Finley taking a Spear (don't ask, just go watch). From there, Roman had a backstage phallus measuring contest with WWE World Heavyweight Champion John Cena and ended the night by cleaning house for the champ when his match against Mr. Money in the Bank Seth Rollins threatened to turn into a three-on-one beatdown featuring all of The Authority's pawns.
Actually, it would have been three-on-1.5, because fellow Authority nemesis Dean Ambrose came in, busted shoulder and all, to prevent Rollins from cashing in on Cena after a briefcase shot to the head had laid him out. The busted wing didn't do the Lunatic Fringe any favors earlier in the night, either, when he came up just short in a match against Randy Orton.
There's a surprising amount of stuff going on with the Divas (which you can read all about in this fantastic post by a hot up-and-coming wrestling blogger. If you're too busy or just not falling for that line of bull, the Cliffs Notes' version is: it could be a turning point for women's wrestling in WWE, but is probably just an oversight before we go back to AJ vs. the cast of Total Divas until WrestleMania 31). Some of which even caused Fandango to distract Dolph Ziggler with some sexy dancing! That gave Alberto Del Rio a win, a feat he couldn't duplicate on Main Event in a twenty minute last man standing match against United States champion Sheamus.
Sheamus is promising to unite the US and Intercontinental titles at Battleground by winning the IC battle royal. Before that, or taking down ADR for the 11 millionth time, he defended Bret Hart's honor by defeating Damien Sandhart. On Tuesday, Hart defended his own honor by making Damien Shawndow tap to a Sharpshooter when he crashed Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel.
Y2J won his own return match via submission when he slapped Hollywood Miz in the Walls of Jericho. Bray Wyatt continued to mock the first Undisputed Champion for his failure to save the WWE Universe or himself. Jericho would just like some quiet from Wyatt.
Bray's acolytes got a win over the tag champs when the referee couldn't tell which Uso was the legal man. Rusev got a clean win over Rob Van Dam, while Kofi Kingston got his second straight victory over Cesaro (yes, you read that right, even if you don't speak five languages).
And the WWE is desperate to make sure fans know Bo Dallas is supposed to be a heel, so his winning streak now includes a victory over a little person dressed as a bull. Bo-lieve, or get out of the way.
What to look out for
The north of the border excursion made its way to Canada's capital, as WWE taped Smackdown in Ottawa on Tuesday. Previews are not precognitive, but if you want to impress your friends, results are here.
Our advertised main is a clash between two hot young stars, Roman Reigns and the Bulgarian Brute, Rusev. The Ayatollah of Rock 'n' Rolla has also let it be known that he'll hit the ring against none other than The Viper, Randy Orton!
A whole lot of folks were preparing to jet over to Japan for the mini-tour of Tokyo and Osaka, so outside of those two, expect a show heavy on mid-carders. But that can be fun, too! Right?
(Note: I know some folks have come looking for a more definitive match listing. We still don't want to risk spoiling anything, but as WWE.com releases more information on anything that's officially going to take place on tonight's show, I'll update it here)
What they should do
Don't get me wrong. Like most fans, Dean Ambrose's plot to make sure Seth Rollins never enjoys the fruits of his treachery is one of my favorite things in WWE and all of pop culture right now.
But could we vary the way that Dean foils his betrayer from time to time? Without even getting into the awkwardness of the referees stalling before accepting the golden briefcase to wait for the Lunatic Fringe to come running down the ramp to flail the Architect with his fist, there's bound to be diminishing returns if each Raw ends with Cena laid out, Seth grinning and Ambrose jumping a barricade.
Have Dean be a little more proactive in foiling Rollins' fun. Eventually, he either needs to steal the case or try to win it in a match, but, why limit his torment to just Money in the Bank-related stuff. Steal his pleather ring gear. Attack him at the local CrossFit. Replace his hair bleach with Nair.
This is personal, and a maniac like Ambrose wouldn't be afraid to escalate things. For destroying the bonds of brotherhood and breaking all of our hearts, Seth Rollins must pay. And we're counting on you to do in a variety of entertaining ways, Dean.
Don't let us down.
What we're afraid they will do
Probably not even have Seth and Dean booked for this show, so everybody forgets about my latest piece of fantasy booking. Then have Monday's show end with Cena laid out, Seth grinning and Ambrose jumping a barricade.
Will Roman Reigns stand tall again tonight, futher dividing the IWC?
Tune in and find out with your fellow Cagesiders - we'll even have an open thread for you to celebrate/bitch about whatever happens!