The Earth is a pebble, spinning pointlessly on a crooked axis around a ball of fire that is only one of billions of indistinguishable infernos that swirl on the flat sewerhole cover of rubble and dust that is our universe.
Flat, that is, until it reaches a critical mass and begins to contract. This celestial deflation will continue, without fail, until everything is compressed into such an infinitesimal state that not only is there no room for the concept of distance, but time itself also ceases to be. Everyone you've ever known and anything that has ever existed will be reduced to utterly nothing and will never again endure.
Luckily, this supremely smashed condition will only last for as long as it takes for what's left of all matter that has ever been to explode in a catastrophe the likes of which we can't possibly imagine.
Oh, and if you're a fan of reading these Wrestler Wrankings columns every week... I'm afraid I've got some bad news. I'm going to be on vacation for the the rest of June. In the meantime, some decorum please!
OFFICIAL WRESTLER WRANKINGS FORMULA
ANY WIN = 2 POINTS
US OR INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE BOUT = 1 POINT
WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE BOUT = 3 POINTS
NON "BIG 4" PPV BONUS = 1.5X
SUMMERSLAM, SURVIVOR SERIES, ROYAL RUMBLE = 2X BONUS
WRESTLEMANIA = 3X BONUS
The WWE season begins on the day after WrestleMania 30 and culminates with WrestleMania 31. The wrestler who accumulates the most points over the course of the season, wins the coveted Wrankings Championship!
Payback -- 6/1/14 (1.5x bonus included)
Monday Night Raw -- 6/2/14
Main Event -- 6/4/14
Smackdown -- 6/6/14
WRESTLER WRANKINGS, WEEK 9 *TOP TEN*
1. BAD NEWS BARRETT -- 32 points
2. Rusev -- 30 points
3. Sheamus -- 28.5 points
4. Cesaro -- 23.5 points
5. Rob Van Dam -- 19.5
6. El Torito -- 14
7. Big E -- 12.5
T8. Dolph Ziggler -- 11
T8. John Cena -- 11
10. Bo Dallas -- 10
Thanks for reading, Cagesiders. We'll see you back here next month!