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The Five-Knuckle Shuffle's Cageside Evaluation

The move is The Five-Knuckle Shuffle and Cageside Seats readers have reported back on what they love and loathe about it. Here's the full evaluation.

Well, today was interesting. I attempted to do the usual love/loathe sections, but your answers were so all over the place, I decided to post the best comments. They are way better than anything I could have written up.


Best "Love" comments:


"Spicy hot dogs"




"Hayden Panettiere"


"...Yeah, I got nothin’."


"I have to admire the fact that Cena named one of his signature moves after a euphemism for masturbation and got away with it. And it’s a catchy name. Sounds like a really obscure country dance."


"When he goes for the stupid taunt and he gets kicked in the face or rolled up."

Mr. Internet Website:

"It gets the crowd involved and little kids seem to like it. It’s also a hate magnet for smarks, which is good."

(Close enough with my name...) Jon9:

"That Doors Love MMA Fighters knows how to get us going and is such a loveable troll."


"The cognitive dissonance required for WWE to sell this move with a straight face."


Best "Loathe" comments:

Plan R:

"Can’t tell you much about it. I’ve never seen it."

anxiety goblin:

"Its a move so bad you almost feel like watching porn afterwards just to cleanse yourself."


"If you can’t fall to your ass and at least somewhat make contact with what’s supposed to be 'dropping a punch to the opponent’s face', then you get a 1."


"The Five Knuckle Shuffle makes the People’s Elbow look like the Burning Hammer."


"First of all it’s against the rules! You can only hit someone with an OPEN HAND, you are NOT ALLOWED to hit people with your KNUCKLES. John Cena, you are a damn CHEAT."


"The fact that after receiving it, the opponent immediately stands up and walks right into the AA!"

rancho king:

"I gave it a 1 and will give the People's Elbow a 1 as well."


"Taunting almost always makes the fighter look dumb, IMO – he’s wasting critical moments when he has the advantage, so all it does is mess up my suspension of disbelief."


"Nominate - Five Knuckle Shuffle (in dumbest moves tournament)"

Patrick Carson:

"The Five Knuckle Shuffle is a relic from a version of John Cena that no longer exists, and if he persists in his current character, I think the move has to go."

Rhaegar the Silver Prince:

"I literally logged in from work and am making my first post because this move is so bad."


"The fact that Jerry Lawler, at his current age, still does a better fist drop."


"I actually hate this move more than I hate Seth Rollins."


"This move is the only thing I actually hate about John Cena."


"That WWE at least has a point; whether you love him or you hate him, John Cena always evokes emotion from the WWE universe. Over 100 comments for the 5 knuckle shuffle?"

I'm sure I missed some other good ones, so be sure to check out the comments from earlier today, one of the best evaluations ever.

On to the poll! With 501 votes, The Five-Knuckle Shuffle's average score is 2.4. That means it narrowly escapes the Khali Club, but it is the lowest of all the wrestling moves we've evaluated thus far.

Thanks, Cagesiders! Tomorrow's pick was really tough to understand.

Until then!

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