So I'm sitting there watching Naomi's new music video, titled "Dance All Night," and I start hearing that Chef Gordon Ramsey voice in the back of my head.
Bland, generic ... complete mush.
That's a shame, too, because you can clearly see from Total Divas -- for those of you brave enough to admit you watch it -- that Trinity is a very talented athlete. In addition, she's attractive and personable, hitting the rare sports entertainment trifecta.
So what is she doing in this garbage?
Everything about Dance All Night is generic and lame. There are parts of the video when Naomi is dancing against green lasers, just like Jennifer Lopez was in Waiting for Tonight. Other times she's playfully dressed in bright, funky clothes, like TLC in Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg.
She even slips into a sleek outfit and gives us the nighttime dancing city-scape backgrounds, like 100 other equally-stodgy music videos.
Then her voice is run through a bunch of filters and affixed to varying notes, like digital Colorforms. No instruments, no harmony, just manufactured beats, forgettable lyrics, and a bunch of people Dancing All Night because apparently, that's what the kids are doing these days.
Why should we care? From what I see, we shouldn't.
I already knew Naomi could dance (thanks to the recently-deposed Brodus Clay) and watching her make googly eyes at Jay Uso is pointless, because they are married in real life.
Part of what irks me about this video is that it has no context. Is Naomi a singer now? She doesn't have to assume a new identity just to cross over into music, any more than John Cena has to be a Marine to make a B-movie. But the difference with Cena is that he's a bona fide star, a proven draw who can move the needle.
Capitalizing on his superstardom makes sense.
Naomi, on the other hand, is a Funkadactyl who has accomplished very little in her WWE career. That's to be expected, because she's only been on the main roster for two years. But without a championship title or some other industry-specific accolade, I don't see the point in creating a music video that's not a part of the bigger picture.
Especially one of such minimal effort.
One thing I think most fans will agree on, is how exceptional WWE has become at producing video packages. It's like their bread and butter. That makes it difficult to explain this unflushed turd, constructed with ho-hum sets and a gallery of non-descript extras.
To me, this just feels like WWE sent her out there and told her to shake her ass.
Perhaps that's all they think Naomi is worth. A few shakes of the ass. That would mean they think that's all we're worth, too. Meh, just have her shake her ass and they'll be happy. Well I'm here to say I'm not happy, because Naomi deserves better than that, and so do we.