TNA Impact preview (May 1, 2014): Only two things scare me

Previously on Impact Wrestling

Actually, mostly Sacrifice, but you know...

The Wolves overcame a three-on-two disadvantage to regain the tag team titles over The Bro-Mans.  Robbie E then famously declared that the stipulation was unfair to Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards, and demanded a rematch.

Mr. Anderson helped Samuel Shaw with his Oedipal Complex by forcing him into a van that TNA officials promised was headed to a mental health facility.  The other veterans of treatment on the roster, Willow and Kurt Angle, fared better in their match against Ethan Carter III and Rockstar Spud.  You could tell by the way EC3 was staring a hole in Angle (and the fact that he didn't eat the pin) that their issues weren't done, though.

Sanada defeated Tigre Uno to retain his X-Division title and, despite some well produced video packages, nobody really cared.

From the TNA department of overbooking, Angelina Love became a six time Knockouts champion - with the assistance of fellow Beautiful Person Velvet Sky's beautiful derriere and the can of hair spray she used on Madison Rayne.  Bully Ray put Bobby Roode through a table in their tables match, but a phantom referee bump lead to some Dixie-ference and a win for The It Factor.

Gunner beat James Storm when he made him quit after being stabbed in the head with glass from a broken beer bottle.  Despite being a Magnum TA vs. Tully Blanchard level blood feud, this one felt a little disappointing due to a dead crowd at the Impact Zone.  And the fact that we've seen The Viking win every big match leading up to this one.

Eric Young is still your TNA World Champion, beating Magnus clean in the main event of the pay-per-view (PPV).  That's right, fake fight fans.  No schmoz, no run-ins, no controversy.  Two piledrivers and an elbow drop. 1 - 2 - 3.

Leftovers from last Thursday night include Rayne being horrible to Brittany, who may have been suffering from head trauma when the former champ dissed her, MVP being pretty bad at his job and being kind of pissy when Austin Aries and Kenny King point it out, Taz and Mike Tenay thinking that Abyss' contract status is up in the air even though he won the match that he needed to win in order to get a new TNA contract, and this:

we should probably have spent more time last week talking about that.

TONIGHT

Filmed earlier this week, we've got your spoilers right here.  We prefer to just go in and experience the full impact of Impact, but we won't judge you if you like to find out what happened before you watch.  Or even in lieu of watching.

This headline says it all.  Who will the star of Animal Planet's No Limits face tonight?

The new champs, The Wolves and the record-setting leader of the Beautiful People, will both be on the show tonight.  How will they address their big wins?  VelVel and Love are promising a "celebration to remember"!

Can Gunner finally move on from the longest tag team break up in modern history?  His dance partner, James Storm faces Jeff Hardy's alter ego Willow tonight.

Is Sam Shaw really committed to anything but his love of redheads named Christy?  Will Kurt Angle ever put over EC3?  Did Abyss get his contract?  What will Magnus do now that he's out of the World title picture?

Who cares?  Crazzy Steve is coming!

Expect to pop for:

KNUX! I want to be gypsy fortune teller, crystal ball clear on something.  My excitement for the coming of Knux and his band of carnival freaks (who may or may not be know as The Menagerie) is not ironic, LOLTNA excitement.

Okay, there's probably a little of that in there.  Old habits die hard.  But two of my favorite things in this world aren't pro wrestling and comic books because I dislike over-the-top characters and stories.  And I've long been an advocate of TNA throwing a bunch of crap against the wall to see what sticks in an effort to differentiate themselves from the rest of the sports entertainment world.

Unlike the Samuel Shaw Lifetime movie we've all just lived through (which could take a turn for the better if Shaw takes a few months off and comes back less a specifically sexual predator and more a garden variety psycho), Knux, Rebel, Crazzy Steve and The Freak are fantastically ridiculous AND enough of a wrestling archetype that you don't need to break the whole framework to have them work on a wrestling show to which we can relate.

I don't know where it's going, but it's going to have bad acting and a guy who spells 'crazy' with two Zs!

What could possibly go wrong?

The heat is on:

Bully Ray. The face turn makes a little more business sense, with rumors that it was done to position him at the top of the promotion as it moves to the New York area for a month or so late this summer.  I still think it's jarring, and asking a lot of our suspension of disbelief, to have him go from threatening children to fighting for the rights of pro wrestlers everywhere, but they have tried to mitigate it with the old "he acts pretty much the same but fights different people" routine.

And, okay, that does help.  What I'm less crazy (with one 'Z') about is that one of the primary characteristics that the character has retained is his chauvinistic, even misogynistic, tendencies.  Even that would be easier to at least compartmentalize if he wasn't being positioned to feud with the female owner of the company.

I'm no fan of Dixie Carter, the character, the business woman or even the person, based on what I know of her.  But I am not looking forward to seeing the company that allegedly has paid its female workers so little they have to work at mall kiosks, who one of the most famous women to ever wrestle for them claims they made her work hurt and helped end her career and, most recently, had one of their top stars appear to intimidate a female performer for an announcing mistake now prominently feature an angle with a babyface who brags about how much money he spends at strip clubs (and who until recently was threatening an opponent's wife) running down the female owner of the company.

Hopefully they'll reign Bully's character in, and it'll be fine.  But if it ends up with any scenes of fans cheering for Carter being called a female dog, or being put through a table, it'll be the latest in what has historically been a bad look for the company.

Enough worrying - who's ready to get CRAZZY for the Sacrifice fallout show tonight?

Let us know where you stand with TNA post-Sacrifice in the comments below.  Then watch the show with your fellow Cagesider in the live blog, and enjoy the newest member of the Cageside Live podcast family after the show with the General and the Reverend!