WHO?
"The Big Show" Paul Wight. Tampa, Florida. 7'0", 425 lbs., seven-time world champion, eleven-time tag team champion, only man to win the Big Three world titles of the modern era. Once called a giant, big nasty bastard, knucklehead, Captain Insano. Also a hijacker of chants not meant for him and ruiner of everything. American.
Miroslav Barnyashev, aka Alexander Rusev, aka Rusev. 6'0", 305 lbs (1.83 meters,138 kg). Once powerlifted and rowed, but decided wrestling was good. Trained by the unlikely combination of Gangrel and Rikishi. Super athlete. Crushes people, usually those of a different color. Managed by a lady that was in Pitch Perfect. Somehow dating said lady from Pitch Perfect. Clippers fan. Bulgarian. Russian.
WHY ARE THEY FIGHTING?
For America! It's 1986 all over again!
WHAT'S AT STAKE?
America's freedom, as JBL tells it. But honestly, the only thing of consequence that's at stake is Rusev's unpinned/unsubmitted record.
HISTORY
Quite a bit of it. Rusev and Lana have been on quite the "Russia #1, USA hock-too!" tirade in the last few months, highlighted by submitting former NCAA champion Jack Swagger, former Olympian Mark Henry, and pretty much every black on the roster. Not to mention Intercontinental champion Dolph Ziggler (hey...remember when that championship meant something?). It was then we learned Rusev can speak English (and that Rusev should never be within ten feet of a microphone, like... ever).
Eventually, someone would get tired of their shit, and that someone would be local man and ruiner of everything Paul Wight.
However, the yanking of the Russian flag damn near created an international incident and Big Show had to take a week off for "sensitivity training". He returned with an Accolade waiting for him. But Big Show had a wig splitter waiting for him.
Heel tactics aside, Rusev got put on his ass.
Last week on RAW, Rusev defeated BIG E (he was relevant once, you know?) for a second time. Cue obligatory post-match promo and dropping of the Russian flag.
The Russian flag.
Um... flag?
Lana dropping the word excrement: awesome. Rusev speaking: bad. Just... no. Pass the mic, Rusev. There's nothing wrong with being the silent brute that kills people.
And then a plant solider gets his head kicked in. You shouldn't have rushed the ring, dude. You just can't.
WHO WINS?
As if there's any doubt who wins. There are only two possible outcomes: Rusev submits Big Show, or Big Show gets the DQ, meaning this feud must continue. I'm hoping for the former. No one benefits from a feud with Big Show in it. Plus only one man will get the privilege to end Rusev's undefeated streak. And it ain't the Olympic Gold medalist with a broken freaking neck.
WINNER
Big Show via disqualification because WWE hates you.
Go ahead, Cagesiders. Tell me I'm wrong. I'm 1 for 1 in my match preview picks.
And then come back for all the before, during and after, good and bad, of Hell in a Cell, right here at Cageside Seats!